It's a Tought Job but Somebody's Gotta Do It.

Kitchen work was easier than being a baby teacher. I liked working in the kitchen. It wasn't so hard on my heart.

After spending the summer at home, today my little friend Hannah returned to the daycare. I saw her come in and hurried to say hello, but my time was cut short by a new baby coming in right behind her. Later, when I was given a chance to use the bathroom, I stopped to see how she was adjusting to the Waddler Room. We had just enough time and interaction for her memory to be stirred. Like her cousin Olivia last week, Hannah suddenly realized that I still loved and remembered her and she cried when I had to leave. Traitor is not too strong a word for what I feel. Ugh.

My Infant Room is filling up quickly. Today I had three, tomorrow I will be at capacity with four. The numbers will fluctuate depending on the day but four babies is the maximum for  one infant teacher. It was a day filled with snuggles and puke. On the babies, on the floor, and on me. I'm wearing it like a badge and wiping it off the best I can. Ha ha! These babies, at least so far, appear to be better sleepers than the former group. I'm taking the good along with the hard.

In other news, I'm still growing, learning, and letting go, although I'm not always entirely certain how to do all of that. It's the letting go/hanging on that cause me angst. I can do either one if I only know which one I'm supposed to be doing. Let's just say not all of my children and grandchildren appear to want a close relationship at this particular moment. They have their own lives and make their own choices, and that is okay. As much as it stings sometimes, I can give them that privilege. I can let go and entrust them to the One who knows all things. I am okay. They have returned before, they may return again...

Working and Weekends

Last week was exhausting. Who knew two year olds had so much tenacity? I hit my limit when I "lost" a child about ten minutes before her father was due to arrive... I was sitting against the wall with my back to the half door gate that leads to the preschool lavatories while one small child was playing with the latch. I shooed her away and told her to stop playing with the door. As I stood up, I glanced over the door and saw a wet diaper abandoned on the floor beside the closest toilet. I found it odd and wondered if the preschool teacher still had a child in her classroom or if one her little ones had left something behind... I followed my own little ones to the opposite side of the Older Toddler room, but instead of three small friends, I could only see two. I returned to the bathroom and called out for my missing child, a little bit of panic welling up inside, and at that moment she appeared from around the corner of the third stall. Ugh!

Working full time makes weekends precious. I often enjoy spending time with friends, going for walks, stopping at the lake, or taking a drive on Saturdays and Sundays. This past Saturday, aside from taking a short trip to Walmart and Target with Hannah, I stayed home. It was a wonderfully lazy day. 

On Sunday after church I filled my gas tank, did my grocery shopping, and took myself down to the lake. It's still cold and icy, but the little area where the creek empties into the lake is finally visible. I took some time to check the rock covered beach for beach glass. At one point I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and walked smack into the side of the little footbridge over the creek. Saying I was stunned is a little bit of an understatement. Ha ha! I put a nice scratch on the bridge of my nose. Mostly I was totally embarrassed, although I don't think anyone actually saw it happen.

Late Sunday afternoon I met a friend for something to eat. We spent a couple of hours sitting in the local Panera Bread eating and talking. It turned out to be a rather nice weekend after all.

Funny Kids

There are a lot of reasons why I love children and one of them is that they are so entertaining. Last night I came home to find my little grandson playing wooden train tracks with his daddy. When they were done playing trains, Sergio got out a new game. He set up some empty soda and water bottles, and they played bowling with Number Nine's little soccer ball. It was a great game. At one point Idris pointed toward the "pins" and said to his dad, "You go over there and be the princess." Ha ha! I'm still trying to figure out what he was really thinking, and every once in a while smiling and calling Sergio "Princess."

At work my little friend Maren is the star of the show. She is a spunky, sassy, energetic seventeen month old who is almost ready to leave the baby room for the toddlers. She is part tumbleweed, darting about the room, climbing, bouncing, running, and making her friend Adam laugh. He finds her hilarious. Today she pulled one boot (miniature zipping cowboy boot) off her foot, and then sat down to try and put it back on. She held onto the loose toe of her sock to steady her foot, but when she brought the boot up to her foot, her hand was in the way. She would let go of the sock, and boom, her foot would drop to the floor. She attempted to hold her foot in the air, but she couldn't hold her foot steady enough to get her toes into the shoe. As she struggled, 14 month old Brayden watched. Suddenly he reached over, snatched the boot, and tried to put it on his own foot, and Maren shot me this look of disbelief. Ha ha! and then she snatched it back. All the while I was giving either Nattie or Pen a bottle and couldn't step in to help. It was quite the show.

Bits and Pieces

Bits and pieces because that's all I can do tonight.

* It's been a cold, snowy run of days. Last night I went home feeling slightly off, climbed the steps early, and turned the light out before 8 pm. I must have needed the rest because aside from getting up to use the bathroom, I slept all night.

* "Weird." That was the topic of conversation in the kitchen at work today, and I said, "Life feels weird. Not here at work, but outside of here life feels weird." And Kristie said, "It won't always feel that way." Perhaps one day life will normalize, but that day is hard to imagine. It seems as if life will always and forever be weird.

* The "D" Word. I thought it would never apply to me, but here it is stuck on my coat. "Divorced" I always thought it an ugly word, and in so many ways it is, but it feels all the uglier because I always hear my mother's words echoing through my thoughts. "God hates divorce." But does he? Is it divorce itself God hates? Or is it the events that lead us to divorce? I pushed it through, and life is weird. *sigh*

* Little arms reaching. Lots of them. They are looking for hugs. All those little arms, and how can I say no? They need hugs and I need them too. "Me! Me!" called one small child as she put her arms in the air. They are hungry for not only the food I bring, but the love. Oh, how I hate telling them I have to go make lunch or wash the dishes.

* The house was quiet and empty when I came home tonight. I considered going out to the pottery studio, but stayed here instead. I found a message from a pottery friend on Facebook. Someone looking to know when I might be there as she doesn't like to be there all alone on the weekend. And then, I signed up for another hand building class because I do not like being alone either. Friday nights from January through March. Eight weeks of mud therapy. Just what I need.
:0)

This Weekend

Saturday morning I visited my counselor's office. It was a teary session, and tears are healing. The woman I see in the mirror today, is not the same one who peered back at me four years ago, and I am grateful for the hand of God in my life. He has never left my side. Ever faithful, He is constantly leading me and helping me grow in ways I never imagined. I am so thankful to be His child.

I did not wander far from home this weekend, but yesterday afternoon Hannah and I took Idris out to wander Once Upon A Child in search of some cozy child-size pajamas. While the little on looked at cars and trucks and the mommy checked out blanket sleepers, I wandered about the store. As I passed one aisle, I caught sight of two slightly familiar looking people. Though I only saw the backs of their heads, it was enough for me to take a step backward for another look, and there looking through baby clothes was my little friend Adam and his mom. How fun to see one of my daycare friends out at the store and to give him a snuggle as his mother's aching arms got a rest. I kissed his little head and told him that I love him, and then introduced him to Hannah and Idris. It was a nice chance meeting.

Last evening I received sad news from a cousin who called to inform me that the husband of my childhood friend had lost his battle with cancer. My childhood friend is also James' cousin, and so the other cousin called. Always the friend and encourager, never judgmental, Ed leaves behind a beautiful wife, six grown children, and a handful of adoring grandchildren who will miss him for a very, very long time. My heart is aching for every one of them.

This morning I forgot to take my phone along when I left for church. I stayed not only for the service and Sunday school, but a meeting afterward. It was almost 3 o'clock by the time I returned home. There were two text messages, a voicemail, and four missed calls. I rarely ever get phone calls, and seldom get texts. One text was garbage, and the other was from my sister. The voicemail was my cousin Pam calling to let me know that her mom, my Aunt Margie, passed away last night. The aunt who loved my little ones like her own grandchildren, who always showed up to our family gatherings, and never failed to arrive with a treat of one kind or another. In my mother's final years Aunt Margie was a constant, faithful friend.

It has been a weekend of loss.

The Bucket List and Other Sundry Thoughts

I can check dumpster diving off my bucket list. This afternoon, on my way out for my lunch break, I tossed a banana box into the dumpster.  On the way up, the box caught my keys and tossed them in the dumpster too. I heard them hit the bottom... There is always something to be thankful for. The dumpster is emptied Friday mornings, and the only thing inside was the box and my keys. I headed back inside the daycare for something to help me retrieve them. At my boss's suggestion, I came back out with a ladder. She asked if I needed any help and I told her, "Only if I can't get back out." Ha ha! I felt a little silly climbing into the dumpster, but I needed my keys, Up and over the edge I went, hoping my exit plan would not fail, and just liked I'd hoped, the banana box made a great step stool. If not for that I'd have been out of luck.

It was three o'clock and the little ones were just on their way outside to play when I came around with snacks. Graham crackers and bananas (because I wanted to get rid of the bananas before the weekend...) and milk. Two small boys were on their way home. One left in his mother's arms, a graham cracker square in each hand. The other, my little friend Parker, was waiting for his mom to return from the baby room. I told the teacher I'd stay with him while she took the others outside. Once they were gone he sat at the table and I gave him his treat. He was very happy to have me sit and talk to him while he chatted and ate his food. Sometimes it's just the way their eyes light up when they see me, or when I stop to give them a little attention. This is one of my special kids. We're not supposed to have favorites, but I have a whole collection of them!

PS. This is quite obviously not Parker, but another little friend who also loves graham crackers.

Hugs and Kisses

It's been a week of sleepy headaches. Last night it dawned on me that it just might be my sinuses rather than caffeine or tension, and so I stopped for some sinus medicine. Although I woke up with a dull headache and battled it through the day, I am beginning to feel relief. No wonder I was so tired over the weekend!

I was early for work this morning. (Go figure.) On a normal day I arrive five minutes early, but this was more like ten or twelve minutes. Too early to punch in right away. We had five babies before 7:15 am (which is the reason I go in at seven) for the first time since I came home from Minnesota. They are a boogery bunch!

Every day I am blessed with hugs. I sat on a chair in the three year old class on Monday and was surrounded by six or seven little people all clamoring for a little attention. Some of these children were in the baby room when I started sitting in there a little over two years ago. My friend Addison soaked up an extra long hug.

In our toddler rooms are more little friends. My buddy Jonah was smiling on Monday as he climbed on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. Once upon a time he cried every time I left the baby room. Even now, when he is really upset and I am able, he will crawl into my arms for some comfort. How I wish I could always be available! My friend Chase smiles and says, "Hi, Parta!" and the others all want to collect a hug and kiss too. My friend Parker has been back since school started. I love hugging that little guy who I sat with all last winter in the baby room during Meg's lunch break.

Swearin' Maren is still in our baby room, but she's more of a scowler than a swearer these days. Sometimes I call her Tipsy because she's always losing her balance and falling over, a casualty of being 13 months and having a little fluid in her ears. Mylah does the army crawl every time the door opens, Brayden makes noises like a tugboat, and Maggie is six months old and mad at the world because she can't sit up alone or move on her own. I think most five and six month old babies are miserable. Ha ha! Penny is our new baby, She belongs to my friend Parker. She's his baby sister.

I came home from work tonight. It's cool and rainy, and the headache that I had earlier left me sleepy. Idris and I stayed home to clean the kitchen and play cars while his mommy and daddy ran out to the grocery store. We played cars, shared a cup of lemon tea with honey, and looked out the window until the car came back in the driveway. It was nice to have someone to share my tea with.

Playing Dress Up and Stuff

I was hoping for a warm sunny weekend... But it looks like I'll have to wait at least another week for one of those. Our forecast is not favorable. At least not for outdoor activities that don't include parkas and mittens.

I considered going to the pottery studio tonight after work, but ultimately decided to come home and do a bit of writing. I should have been writing a couple months ago. Perhaps if I had I would still be part of that Step Study... but God had other plans. It was a hard experience, but God never makes mistakes. He removed me from the group and I have to trust that He knows best. It's actually been nice not having to rush on Monday evenings. Last week I came home, and this past week I went out to the house in Williamson. We have an extra few weeks to sort through out stuff, and this is good. We need the time. There is healing in doing this together.

Last night I opened an ancient suitcase full of dress up clothes I'd collected during my "Flower Garden" days. The days when little ones came to my house to play for the day. I threw the smelly clothes into the wash and tossed them in the dryer. Then I folded them up and piled them into a paper bag. This morning I took them to work. The toddlers loved the hats and the 3 year olds loved the dresses. I didn't bother with the suitcase. It smells old and musty. Besides, we wouldn't want some child getting locked inside now, would we?

It was quite satisfying to see several children wearing the clothes I brought. And they were smiling.
:0)

Snippets

Friday, August 31

 I had enough time to snuggle an under the weather toddler late this morning so the assistant toddler teacher could get lunch on the table for the others. That won't happen every day. I must remember to appreciate these special moments. ( I also snuggled an ailing baby this afternoon. He was the only one in the room so I let him sleep in my arms for 20 minutes before I put him in his crib.)

 Saturday, September 1

 I made a Lowes run for contractor's bags and a door knob this morning. On the way out of the store was a small child and his father. I did a double take and then called out, "Evan!" He turned around and I said to the daddy, "Is that Evan?" He said 'yes' but was looking very suspicious. (I wouldn't get very far trying to grab a four year old and running off with him... 😄) The daddy wanted to know how I knew Evan, and I said, "From daycare." So he looked at Evan and asked him if he knew me? Ha ha! The child affirmed our relationship, smiled at me, and gave me the biggest, longest hug ever! :D And then I saw them again in the store along with Mommy and big brother. (I love hugs!)
 
These little people fill my heart and my days. Work is good for me.


And this weekend there were grandchildren. Just a few. They fill my heart too.

The Rainy Day

I want to write, but I am tired and my thoughts are jumbled.

It was dark and deliciously dreary when my alarm went off this morning. I considered pulling the covers up to my ears and closing my eyes, but that was not an option, so I dragged myself out of bed and downstairs to the shower.

On my way out to the car I dropped my naked waffles in the driveway. There was no time to go back for more, so I plucked them from the pavement and popped them in the car. I made it all the way to the street at the bottom of the driveway before realizing I'd forgotten the two gallons of milk I'd bought for the daycare breakfast. I went back inside and retrieved them before setting out again.

It was sprinkling when I left Webster, but I drove into a torrential downpour midway to work. At one point I considered pulling over, but that would have rendered me late, so I kept driving, through puddles and pouring rain. Upon my arrival, I found my umbrella AWOL and so I was drenched by the deluge as I made my way across the parking lot. I arrived safe but dripping. (That silly umbrella was hiding in my glove compartment the entire time.)

I eventually dried out and it was a good day. As usual the little ones made sure I felt loved. Garrett sat on my lap while the four year old class watched an afternoon movie in lieu of playground time. When he got up, Hannah plopped herself down. She told me she loves hugs and that I'm her "best friend". "I love you most," she smiled. Nothing fills an empty heart quite like the love of a child... or two... or three. Ha ha!

(No photos allowed so I have to draw the kiddos instead)
:0)

The Weekend Thus Far

Yesterday I went home from work an hour early. I arrived home as my daughter was going out. After staring at my computer for a while, I decided it was way too nice out to stay in. I called a friend who I haven't seen in a while and we went out for an ice cream cone. While waiting for our cones, another friend appeared in the line behind us. We had a great time catching up and visiting while we ate our ice cream.

As we sat there a small child arrived with her daddy. One of our daycare kids. I called hello to her. She looked at  me and said, "You're the one who makes our food." :0)  This afternoon I saw another of our little ones in Target. After saying hello to her, she looked at her mom and whispered, "I think that's Miss Martha."  Ha ha!

I had an appointment this morning with the counselor and afterward drove out to Avon, NY to the Western NY Pottery Festival. I went alone, because I wanted to go and the friends who thought they might meet were were unable to attend. It was okay. I went alone and enjoyed myself. I even ran into the same two friends from the studio who I'd seen back in May when my daughter and I went out together.

It's been a good weekend. I've randomly met up with several friends while shopping and the weather has been gorgeous. There's a former Dallas Cowboy/ Miami Dolphin speaking at church tomorrow along with a car show and hotdog bar. They go all out for Father's Day, I guess... I'm looking forward to what the day will bring and taking my camera along.