Wednesday, February 28, 2018

I Like My Job

She's not quite two. She started saying my name a few weeks ago, and this morning she was already talking about me in the parking lot as her mom was bringing her in. I got a wonderful hug in the hallway before she headed into her class.

They get excited when I come into the room. Sometimes I have food, but often I do not. They will cluster around my legs looking for a little love and affection. If a child is particularly shy, I make sure to say their name and show them a little bit of special attention and pretty soon they come looking for hugs too. So many hungry little hearts...

Sometimes they fight over me. Even though I have two laps (two legs to sit on) and two arms to hug with, they don't like to share me. They don't know my heart is big enough to love them all. Certain little people are especially attached. I have one newly turned one year old friend who cries whenever I leave the room. I snuggle them all, sniffle their necks and ears, and kiss their little foreheads.

It's a good job.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

The Art of Letting Go

Everything inside me screams as my fingers are pried loose from that to which they cling. I want desperately to hang on, to hold tight everything I thought was mine/ours but the more I grasp and claw, the more painful the letting go becomes. My fingers are bleeding, my nails split and torn...

Life feels surreal. I get up every day and drive off to work, come home to an attic bedroom, look at my computer for an hour or two, and go to sleep just to get up and do it all over again. I'm making a difference in the days of small children, and perhaps the lives of my co-workers, but I don't know where I'm going myself or how to get there. I had dreams of my house being full of grown children and grandchildren on Sunday afternoons and holidays, but the dream has faded and all I have left is loneliness and confusion. I feel totally lost and very much alone today. Even if I am heading in the right direction, I still feel alone.

I've needed desperately to cry and tonight the tears are flowing. Grief is... grievous. We are both grieving. Somewhere, in the hopefully not too distant future, there will be a resolution and healing.

(To my Cabinetmaker, if you are reading this, it was started well before your phone call. Thank you for lending me your ear, and trusting me to listen as well.)

Running Late Today

I'm running a tad late today. I passed this barn a few weeks back when the snow accentuated its beauty, but I didn't have my camera along. (I don't usually take it to church...) Today, although our snow is missing, I still find it captivating.

I am off to visit my brother this afternoon. Hope you all have a wonderful day!

Visit us at The Barn Collective and have a cup of coffee.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Drama Class

Lots of drama at work the past couple of weeks. Multiple reasons. Change of employees. Rearranging of responsibilities. New children. A week off school. Incident reports... Oh, yeah! Fun times, and even yours truly got caught in the cross-fire. And here I thought I was safe in the kitchen!

The weekend is almost upon us. Saturday is Take Two for the First Aid/CPR course. I was supposed to have taken it back in August. I arrived on time, on the right day and couldn't figure out why the door was locked and I was the only one in the parking lot. Someone forgot to inform me of the change in location and felt really terrible about it the following Monday. I trust it will go better this time around.

And now, although I have plenty to write, I must turn off the light and go to sleep because tomorrow is Friday and I have a hamburger pie to make for somewhere between 50 and 60 kids.

Monday, February 19, 2018

The Hot Dog Saga Continues

Did I say I hate Hot Dog Days? Ha ha! I'm changing my mind.

Today was hot dog day at work. I grabbed a big pack of frozen dogs out of the freezer. There were two packages, and I did hesitate while deciding which to open, but I grabbed one and put it in a pan of water to thaw out a bit and went about my morning.

President's Week and George Washington's Birthday. Anything could happen with our attendance.  At about 9:30 am I went out to collect our lunch count. It was 47. I opened the package and counted hot dogs as I put them a pot of water for later. There were 38. We had prepared for this, so I opened a couple smaller packs and made the tally 47. A hot dog for every child...

It wasn't long before the rooms started swapping children to put everyone in adult to child ratio. A child or two went home sick. Some didn't show up at all... Before getting lunches passed out, and after making banana bread, I held a recount. How many children were there for lunch? 38.

I think I heard God laughing.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

No More Nonsense

This afternoon I decided I am done with being sick. I got up, took a shower, and got dressed. I went out to fill my gas tank and get a few groceries. I am feeling much better. No more of this being sick nonsense for me. I've got better things to do than lay in bed.

Staying Home in Bed

I am not ready to go out to play today. It's rather disappointing. No church service, no children's class afterward, and no going to the pottery studio.

There is much to be grateful for, even if I am staying home in bed. It's not the middle of the work week and I haven't yet had to call in sick. It could happen tomorrow, but so far it hasn't. My pottery will wait. It will be there on Thursday evening, ready to be trimmed and set aside to dry. I will glaze my bisque fired pieces and everything will be okay.

Today I will rest and pray that I feel better tomorrow so I can go to work and make hot dogs for those kids. (I hate hot dog days... Not because they're difficult, but because I have to have just the right amount. Not much margin for error. Goulash is easier. I just make a bunch.)

Time for another nap. I guess. I'm not sure at the moment whether this illness is  making me achy or it's fro being in bed for so long. Blah.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Saturday Blues

All week I look forward to Saturday, but rather than going out to play I am staying in. I came home a bit on the queasy side yesterday and climbed into bed with the chills. I feel better today, but am still stiff and achy. Laying low is the name of the game. Perhaps a nap or two, a bit of tea, and a sip of Mighty Mango smoothie. (I did sneak off to the bank and paid my Target card, but now I'm staying home.)

No open studio for me today. No open studio anyway. It's the annual chili cookoff. I am hoping to feel better tomorrow so I can go in for the make up class our instructor is doing.

I glazed a couple of my bowls. They're actually big enough to hold a serving of cereal or a small salad. This is the goal. Make them big enough to be functional and maybe I'll have a few to give away come Christmas. It's a noble goal, don't you think?

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

My Dinner Date

I had a Valentine's Day dinner date this evening. He was short, dark, and very handsome. I found him quite charming, even if he did eat with his hands and dip his bread in his milk. We had a very nice night, watched a few Simon's Cat videos, did some puzzles, and read a bunch of books. I think I am in love.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Running Ragged

Aside from my great grandfather, I didn't have any "ragged" photos, so I "borrowed" one...

I've been staying busy. Too busy perhaps. Now I am tired. I need a long afternoon nap, but it's time to go to sleep for the night instead. I've managed to stay awake past 7 o'clock (it's nine thirty now) so there is a good possibility I will sleep through the night, at least most of it. A bit of melatonin could help raise the possibility.

I came home early last night, at least earlier than I'd intended. I'd gone to my CoDA meeting, but I was there alone. When no one else showed up by 7:20 pm. I put the boxes back in the closet, collected the signs from the hall, locked the church door, and went home. Tonight I stayed home rather than going out. I will turn off my computer at a reasonable hour, close my eyes, and pray for sleep. And sleep will come.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. The work week will be half over and before you can say Jack Robinson, it will be the weekend again. Perhaps I will stay home and relax... or not.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Snowy Rochester on Sunday

I took a few photos as I looked for a parking spot on my way to the pottery studio yesterday afternoon. I normally park at the church across the street because they will share with the art studio, but being Sunday, the parking lot was a bit crowded.

I drove around the block. I drove around a couple blocks.

I went back to the church and as I drove into the lot I prayed, "Lord, could you please give me a little parking spot?" And what do you know?  A little red car was just backing out of hers. My prayer was answered. I smiled and said, "Thank you."

The parking lot at work was a sheet of ice this morning. I wished for a nice pair of freshly sharpened skates as I inched my way up the slope toward the safety of the side walk and hoped I would stay on my feet. Mostly because it's painful to fall, and also because I would be horribly embarrassed if I had to crawl across the lot on my hands and knees because the pavement was too slippery for me to get up again.

By late morning or early afternoon the ice was gone and the parking lot was safe again.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Whoosh! Goes the Weekend

I have a renewed appreciation for my dad, who worked hard at a physical job all week long, and still took the time to play and read to us, take us out often on evenings and weekends, rarely missed a Sunday church service, and visited our handicapped brother every other weekend. He kept up with the routine for years and years.

It was a busy weekend. I went to the pottery studio both Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Saturday was open studio, this afternoon (and the next two Sundays) our instructor is making up for time she has or will miss. I opted to take advantage of the opportunity to practice and learn. Fun, frustrating, and freeing all at once.

Late yesterday afternoon we had our tax return done. Always no fun.

This Sunday I spent second service helping with three-year-olds in the children's ministry. I find it so much easier to sit on the floor now than I did nine months ago when I started working at the daycare center. It's easier to get up too. Once upon a time I considered buying a gym membership, and now I get paid to working out. Ha ha!

(Did I tell you how I'm slowly getting to know second cousins at church? Of course I didn't... I met my second cousin Sue today. Her daughter is overseeing the part of the children's ministry I'm helping with. And then there's that other second cousin Keith, who followed me into church last week. Some from my dad's side and some from my mom's. It really is a small world. Really, it is!)

After a grocery run on my way home from the pottery studio today, I backtracked to visit with my favorite Bethany and and her kiddos. We shared a cup of tea and a bit of conversation. I got home just in time to find Hannah heading out to work. We cross paths this way too often. After she left I had a little talk with Idris, watched him spin himself dizzy, and kissed his sweet little cheeks. He is a great storyteller! I just wish I knew what he was saying.

Now it's time to settle myself down, close my eyes, and start the week all over again tomorrow.

Thursday, February 08, 2018

At the Studio

Pottery night.  Working with clay is good therapy for me. It's the reason I keep paying for new classes. We're a little more than halfway through this one already. I've thrown a few bowls, pulled a bunch of cylinders, and tonight I made a plate. This class has been more profitable in that I feel much more confidant in what I am doing. I don't mind tossing the failed pot back in the bag and starting over, and sometimes I simply enjoy it for the practice.

I stole a picture of a classmate this evening as she fixed a mar in her plate. It was a good night.

Monday, February 05, 2018

Back to Step 2

It is quite amazing how my Saturday morning appointment, the Sunday sermon, and tonight's CoDA meeting all dovetailed in their messages. Much of it had to do with not being able to manage our own lives. "Our lives had become unmanageable..." Sometimes I think God isn't talking to me, and other times it's quite undeniable.

"Life is not about what you achieve, what you grasp, it's about what you receive from God." God has bigger plans for us than we could ever imagine. Honestly, I find it hard to believe God cares that much about me. I find it hard to believe He wants more for me than I want for myself. Guess I'll let that roll around in my little brain for a bit.

Saturday, February 03, 2018

Pick a Card

Make a choice and go with it. I've made two choices recently...

First of all, I've decided to drastically cut back on my coffee consumption. It was a week of chasing headaches away with Excedrin, but I made it through. I did have two small cups last weekend, but for the most part I've been drinking tea. Caffeinated in the morning, herbal thereafter. The coffee craving has waned dramatically and nature is calling in a more reasonable voice these days.

Second, I'm playing the gluten-free game again. I've done this before and found many of the daily aches and pains slowly disappeared. My joints and muscles were less achy, and I felt better overall. Then I would start eating it again and those symptoms would gradually reappear. Being gluten-free is a hassle but I'm climbing back on the wagon. It'll be two weeks tomorrow. Thankfully there is a vast array of good gluten-free foods out there.

This afternoon I decided to make soup. I perused the store in search of ingredients. I wanted something a bit different from the tomato based soup I made a few weeks ago, something gluten-free for me, and vegan for my sweet girl. I came up with this. My first post on this blog in four years. Who knows, maybe I'll resurrect it.