Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Dress Up Day

Two posts because the other one was really last night's.

There was a lot of excitement at the daycare center today... and a little too much sugar, even though we tried to be healthy. The other baby teachers and I were a team today; the Three Blind Mice and the Farmer's Wife. It was simple. And I found out most of today's kids haven't a clue who the three blind mice are. Ha ha!

We had a very cute and cuddly dinosaur in the baby room. I left his tail intact, because I'm nice like that. :)


There are moments when I know what needs to be done and feel confident in moving forward... and there are times when every option leaves me feeling broken and fearful.

I want answers shouted from heaven. I want to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the choices I make will be right. But there are no thundering voices calling from heaven, and more often than not the shadows are frightening.

I fear taking scripture out of context. I fear misunderstanding answers. I fear growing old alone. And I fear ... I fear causing more pain than is being relieved. I fear hesitating and I fear running ahead. Scripture says, "Perfect love casts out fear," but I don't know how to make that happen. Fear is all around. It doesn't always consume my thoughts, but sometimes it's roaring leaves me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I'm tired. I'm torn. I am broken. It's time to pick up the pieces. I'm praying that old and broken shards can be still beautiful.

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Bits and Pieces

* Number Nine is two. He found a new train table in the front room when he woke up yesterday morning and was really excited about it. Last night there was a party and we had a houseful! Hannah made him an airplane cake. So fun!

* I've been fighting headaches this past week. Maybe it has something to do with the weather...

* Our little farm is listed For Sale. We're closing a chapter. :(

* God is growing me in ways I never imagined. Growing still hurts. I guess the saying is true, "No pain, no gain."

* I am so blessed to have this new roof on my house. It has rained ALL weekend and I don't have to worry about the water coming into the living room. I never questioned taking out a loan to do the job. I knew it had to be done, and I know God is and will provide.

* My attic bedroom remains unfinished, but that will happen in time. I don't know how it will get done, but it will. Maybe when I am finished paying for the roof I can finish the room. It needs a little TLC, some drywall finishing, and a casing around my dormer window. And maybe a coat or two of fresh paint.

* It's our day to visit Tim. Priscilla will meet us there. I'm bringing a few fried cakes from the local apple mill.

 Hope you have a great day. Stay dry and warm!

Friday, October 26, 2018

All Tucked in For the Night

Well now, look at that! That little room looks strangely familiar. There are my pictures on the wall, my little window over the driveway, and my slanted ceiling. If I'm not mistaken, my camera is hanging on the bedpost and one of my ceramic people sculptures is there on the desk. Yes, that is my book and alarm clock on the night table right next to my lamp. My book shelves are set of and fully stocked and there's my jar of paint brushes waiting. I've even got a box of junk sitting there on the floor, and hey, look! There are my bunny slippers! Wait... I don't have any bunny slippers...

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Soccer Pro

Here he is, all dressed up to go trick or treating at the library. He's wearing that mini Pachuca uniform his Tio Carlos sent from Mexico. He's Javier Hernandez, "Chicharito." Isn't he handsome? He stood still so I could take his picture and then turned around to show me the back of his jersey when I asked. (That's his daddy's favorite team, you know.)

And because they're all so cute, a family photo too! This child rarely holds still. Had that black pumpkin trick or treat basket been decorated with white pentagons, it would have looked like he was kicking a soccer ball!

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

Punkin Head

I carved a pumpkin at work yesterday. Most field pumpkins are full of runny, gooey seeds and insides, but this one was dry and stringy and came out in pretty much one big scoop. I cut some eyes, a mouth, and a nose, and then decided it needed a pair of eyebrows. He's actually kind of cute.

Maybe I should carve a pumpkin for our front step here at home...

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

The Processing Plant

One day a year or two from now, I'll be wondering why I wrote "Off to the processing plant." as my Facebook status. Sometimes I actually come back to my blog to figure out my own tidbits of information. It's kind of like a not-so-secret code book. Of course, the "processing plant" is work, even though it isn't. And yet is is...

I mentioned my job the other day and how much I like it and the other individual asked me if I use it as an escape. I questioned exactly what they meant and was then asked if I use it as time to process... Yes. And yes. A yes to both questions. My time with little people is an escape from processing, a time to think of other things and be wrapped in the embrace of a million little children. (It feels like a million when they're all grabbing for me at once. Even if there are only six or seven at a time.) But during my time in the kitchen, my mind is in constant motion, trying to figure out and make sense of life. Processing can feel like a never ending job, even if I am making progress.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Bits and Pieces

* I should be asleep, but I took a late nap and even Benadryl isn't putting me to sleep tonight. I'm tired, just not sleeping.

* I made soup yesterday. Chicken with vegetables. Thankfully I have Sergio to help me eat it because I don't know how to cook for one. It's a family size pot of soup, but I'm missing the family.

* It's been an emotional weekend. Processing life can be teary even after all this time. It doesn't help that I dropped my favorite camera lens at the park on Saturday and broke it... It may be a very long time before I can purchase a replacement. I'm trying to remember that I was once perfectly satisfied without it, but I'm still sad.  :(

* I went to the pottery studio Friday evening and again this afternoon. There is something comforting about being surrounded by familiar faces, each of us with a ball of clay in our hands. Perhaps it is a distraction, perhaps therapy. Maybe a bit of each.

* More than likely this little sculpture will be lost to the sands of time, like so many before him. It was actually broken when I took it out. Too much being jostled about. This is why I don't do much building at home. Or maybe that's just a good reason not to.

* I am looking forward to being back at work tomorrow. Little arms and slobbery kisses are the best therapy for me. My only regret is I will be home too late to catch my little grandson before he goes to bed tomorrow evening. He's been away since Wednesday morning. He and his mommy are visiting Minnesota. We miss them.

* Pained moments are teachable  moments. It's been an emotional weekend, but a profitable one too. God is good. He put two special people in my path at church this morning; my beautiful Bethany appeared in front of me in the foyer after first service (and again in the Ladies' Room), and my sweet friend Brenda spotted me when I popped into the gym to see the missions tables on my way out the door. Long hugs from old friends mean so much. I am loved and I am blessed. Jesus loves me this I know.

The Barn Collective

I'm a country girl at heart. Take me for a slow ride down a country road and I may as well be in heaven. I took a ton of pictures, even though digital photos don't weigh a thing.


Autumn has finally arrived. I fear it will be short lived so I'm planning to enjoy every moment I get.

Linking up with Tom's Barn Collective.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Mendon Ponds, Again

Some days I feel a little more stressed than others. Today was one of those days and what better medicine is there for stress than a walk in the woods? I am grateful for safe autumn walks through the woods, even if it did decide to rain. It was mostly a sprinkle of rain, at least until we got back to the car.

Tonight I read this, "According to research studies in Japan in 1982, a 15-minute nature-walk can drop stress hormones by 16 percent, blood pressure by 2 percent, and heart rate by 4 percent." Somehow I knew exactly what I needed even before I read this. Probably all those afternoons I sent playing in the woods as a little girl...


It's Saturday morning. It was a different kind of week. I went to bed earlier than usual at least three out of seven nights, got up way earlier one morning, and worked 4 hours overtime in a week that started out severely sleep deprived. (I'm not complaining, just stating facts.) Had I not taken the effort to take care of myself midweek, I would have been a mess by week's end. I am grateful for a God who meets each and every need ahead of time, even if it simply mean being sure I am aware. Perhaps that headache early in the week was actually a gift.

Yesterday was gorgeous, today is supposed to be wet and cloudy. I want to do some fall gallivanting, but what I really need to do involves staying closer to home. Since we restructured the dormer in my bedroom (and did the roof), the inside has been unfinished and upside down. The peak is exposed and needs a bit of insulation, the drywall is unfinished, and debris is cluttering the floor as I move things from the other house to this. I haven't yet learned how to manage a full time job, downtime, and keeping up with other tasks. I'm sure there's a way, I simply haven't found it quite yet.

I have barn pictures for tomorrow's Barn Collective. That's an accomplishment right there! And now I must take my shower and figure out what needs to be accomplished.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

So, Yeah...

I wish there was a way to write out everything in my heart, but I know it isn't prudent or possible. The little I share is often too much, and yet I ache to write...

I worked a full day, even though I woke up at 3:30 am. I messed up on my way out of the airport parking lot and inserted my ticket in a reader that was no longer functioning. (Leave it to me.) When it ate my parking ticket and the reader behind me continued talking, I knew I'd made a mistake. I didn't dare feed it my credit card as well, and had to back up and find an actual human being in the next booth.

I was reprimanded at work by the "morning supervisor" for not checking with her to see if I was needed anywhere after I;d handed out breakfast. It was a mild reprimand.

I peeled my finger making mashed potatoes. It was a small injury and didn't bleed profusely.

I worked until 5 pm and didn't oversleep on my lunch break. Thank you, little alarm clock!

Hannah and Number Nine made it safely to Minnesota. I think it's safe to say his five year old cousin, Number Six, isn't quite sure how to slow him down. Ha ha! Maybe it's a good thing Austin goes to kindergarten.

The Naughty Files

When I go home to Williamson the Naughties come meowing. I was out on Saturday, to look through boxes of stuff, and they found me. Always looking for a scratch on the ears of g little bit of snuggling. I don't know what they will do if we sell the house. Where will they go? ...

Naughty Too showed up late in the day when I was talking with a friend who stopped by. He heard us through the closed door and made his presence known. I let him in the barn and gave him a little loving before putting him back out again. He didn't want to be out, and wandered around the other side where there was a crack in another door, and squeezed through. Before I left I took his picture in the Sassafras tree.

Naughty One had shown up at the back door not long after I arrived in the late morning. He cried at me through the glass door and I was given permission to let him inside for a while. James keeps them locked out because they wake him up with their meowing and rambunctiousness in the night. They claw to get in his room and keep him up. They're probably just lonely. I wish I could bring them here, but my housemates are not so cat-friendly as me...

The house. Yeah. James has been fixing it up to put on the market. This is hard for both of us, but he says he can't keep up with it alone. He's been saying this for years now. He worked on the outside a little this fall, and recently refinished the upstairs floors and fixed the banister. It's gorgeous. Simple, yet everything I ever wanted. Letting go is painful on all counts.

And now I must take a shower and go to work. I've been up since 4 am to take my daughter and Number Nine to the airport. They're off to visit Minnesota and I'm a little jealous.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Autumn Sister Outing

Before it gets too far in the past...

We thought it might be fun to visit Bristol Mountain Ski Resort, ride the lift, and see the fall colors. There was a fall festival planned there to add to the fun. We didn't count on the miles long line of traffic (both directions) waiting to get in. A drive that might have taken ten or fifteen minutes (the one down the road to the ski center) took nearly two hours! Yes, we were that patient, and we had prepaid tickets for the lift, like everyone else in line.

Rachel and I had planned to meet up with our sister Priscilla and nice Audra. (She is "nice" but what I meant to write was niece.) They arrived before us, ate a bowl of chili while they waited, and were in the lift line when we pulled into the parking lot. By the time we got in line for the lift, they were either on the way up or already at the summit. The fall colors haven't peaked yet and there was still a lot of green on the hills, with a few patches of brilliant orange or fiery red here and there.

On our way up we saw a bunch of people walking down the slope and a few climbing up. "Run, run!" Rachel called to three little boys going up. I've never been on a ski lift so it was a new experience for me.

Once we reached the top and looked around, I called Priscilla again only to find they'd gotten bored, opted not to wait in the line to ride the lift down, and started the descent on foot. Rachel and I spotted the Macarollin food truck and decided to have a bit of macaroni and cheese with bacon. We listened to some music, looked at some wool products, and decided to get in line for the lift ride to the bottom. It was an hour and a half wait. Ha ha! We made some friends in line and let the guy behind us, whose family had gone down on foot, ride the lift chair with us. It was about ten minutes to six and getting rather chilly when we finally made it to the front of the line.

They say patience is a virtue. It was a day of waiting, but I think we enjoyed almost every minute of it. We never got agitated or bored, but we never caught up with Priscilla and Audra either. By the time we got back to our car they'd likely been home for hours.

Saturday, October 13, 2018

The Week in a Nutshell

It's late and I should be fast asleep, but I just dropped Joe back off at his apartment and I'm spending a few minutes winding myself down before turning out the light.

Autumn has finally arrived in upstate NY. We had summer temperatures up until Friday afternoon when the weather decided to take a turn toward winter. Today it was in the forties, down from the eighties earlier in the week. It was a good run with some calling it "the summer that wouldn't end." Fall is going to feel extremely short so I intend to love as much of it as possible while working full time inside.

The week was varied and diverse from weather to sleep patterns to daily activities...
Sunday- church, and then feeling rather sickish, I stopped at Wegmans on my way home for a bit of medicine and some chicken soup which I took home and ate after tucking myself into bed for a long nap.
Monday- work, my step study, and a late night, bare-footed, jammie clad visit to one of my boys.
Tuesday- work, chiropractor, support group meeting
Wednesday- work, and went out with Ben. "I loved him the moment I first set eyes on him. Tonight he brought me flowers and took me out to dinner in his fancy truck." (Gotta love having grown up boys.)
Thursday- work and a bit of time at the pottery studio
Friday- work and a birthday party for Number Seven. (He four now.)

I went to sleep exhausted Thursday evening, woke up in the middle of the night, and couldn't go back to sleep. When I finally dozed off, I dreamed it was light out and the clock read 7:30 am. I was late for work, and of course couldn't find the number to call in. When I did find it, I dialed wrong over and over... I was relieved to realize it was all a dream and even more relieved when my alarm went off at the usual time and it was still dark outside. Ha ha!

I had a long snuggle with a sleeping Number Eight at the birthday party Friday night and took Number Nine home with me afterward while his mommy and daddy went to a Homecoming Game out in Williamson. At home Idris played with his new firetruck, we brushed our teeth together, and then I read a few stories before tucking him in for the night. He didn't even cry when I turned out the light and shut the door.

Today I stayed in bed much longer than most mornings, and eventually headed out to the house in Williamson to look through some stacks of boxes and a bit of paperwork. Rachel and I saw our brother, and this evening Joe came over to visit for a while. (Did I tell you I liked having grown up boys?)

Monday, October 08, 2018

Much Better, Thanks

Yesterday was rough. I haven't had a sinus headache like that in quite some time, but thanks to my sister and a couple of Musinex tablets, I was able to get relief. After sleeping away the afternoon, I took a Benadryl before climbing into bed for the night. Slept like a baby and was able to go to work pain-free.

I lost 2 1/2 hours at work this afternoon when I got to go home early. It was a gorgeous day. At home I took a few minutes to drag a trash can of construction garbage through the garage and out to the street for the garbage truck and then didn't know what to do with myself. I ended up taking a nap. I lost a lot of sleep last week so I'm not feeling too bad about it.