On Turning 29

I looked so much younger the last time I turned 29. Counting down isn't working quite like it used to...

I picked up a few hours at work yesterday, six actually, to make up for having the day off tomorrow. I was wished a "Happy Birthday" multiple times, and gifted a beautiful orchid and a mylar balloon by our assistant manager. My sister Priscilla came over in the early evening and took me out to dinner., and Hannah and Sergio served up a delicious Tuxedo Cake for dessert. It was a very nice day.

Late this morning I took the boys out to Tops in Ontario, NY to see the Weinermobile. It was a fun experience, and hopefully memorable. This afternoon my kids and grandkids came for a party, which included kids going in and out the front door all afternoon. LOL! Some years it's warm enough for an outside party, and other ones, like this time around, it's much too cold. The girls made Grandpa's Noodle Surprise and afterward we had grape pie with ice cream. (Do I look fatter to you?)

Tomorrow is my hearing for the incident that occurred at the daycare last February. My lawyer has secured the daycare video footage from that morning and my coworker has assured me that it will go well. I'm looking forward to having this chapter behind me. I have no plans to return to employment in a daycare center. Although there are moments in which I still miss my kitchen job, working at Dunkin comes with much less stress and I love my coworkers, at least most of them. Ha ha!

The Week Flew Past

Florida...

* We spent Sunday afternoon at the other Grammy's house. Relaxing family time with snacks, tree decorating, Christmas movies, and a dip in the pool.

* There was a scheduling conflict on Monday which prevented us from going into Magic Kingdom as planned. Instead we took the time we did have and visited the life sized gingerbread house at Disney's Floridian Resort.

* We also had some late afternoon time for a stop at Disney Springs for something to eat and a few pictures. ("Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!"

* In all honesty, I was very disappointed in not being able to visit the park itself. Previous to the trip I had surprised myself by feeling quite excited about going, so it was hard to change gears. My sweet son and daughter in law felt terrible and I have been promised a trip on my next visit which we are planning for spring. I'm looking at tickets now.

* On my return home I discovered the Orlando Airport is a wild place! The lines are astoundingly long and slow and everyone is late for their flight. (I was grateful to make it through security without any snags this time.) If one is flying out of Orlando it would be a good idea to be there three hours ahead of departure. I was there two hours ahead and felt a bit of anxiety over whether I would make the flight. Several people did not make it to the gate before the doors were closed.

* My flight left Orlando at noon. I had a 3 hour plus layover in Baltimore (and didn't know about the rocking chairs...) which turned into a little more when someone on the aircraft that was our connecting flight, had a medical emergency. Once they were taken care of and the plane disinfected, we made our way to Rochester.

* I was all tucked into my center seat when a familiar face came down the aisle. It was one of our daycare dads! I have five little ones in my "care group" and there was Levi's daddy on my plane! Ha ha! (I talked with his mommy about it just yesterday afternoon.)

Home again...

* I went back to work the morning after arriving home. I haven't been paid for any time off work since giving my 2 week notice at Tot Spot at the end of July, so I needed to get back right away. I jumped in with both feet. Everyone (home included) has been struggling with the respiratory virus that has been ravaging the planet. (I don't really know where it's been. I am being dramatic.) Cough, congestion, sore throats, ear aches and misery. So far I have escaped. Fingers crossed.

* I visited my therapist Thursday evening. More on that later.

* Finally, my eldest daughter and I were blessed to attend a Singer Songwriter Showcase at the Seed and Stone Cidery last night. (She gracefully gifted me with an egg roll ahead of our arrival as I went directly from work to her house and was  starving.) My son Nathan and a few friends were sharing stories and their original music. I am so happy to see him plugged in and doing what he loves. (That's him in the dark shirt on the left.)

And this is the end of my long and rambling post.
Thanks for listening.

Two Weeks In

I have made it through the first two weeks of my new job. Names and faces are getting easier to remember and recognize, and best of all I'm learning the system. My background clearance still hasn't come through but it's expected I should be cleared in the next week. It will allow me to be alone with the children and I will no longer have to hear coworkers say, "Martha can't be alone with the kids." It really the weirdest thing even though I know and appreciate all the reasons. It's a good and needful precaution in a long list of measures intended to keep our children safe from abuse and appreciated more on this side of life than it ever was years ago.

I've stopped at the lake a few times this week and found the tiny strip of pebble beach just barely accessible. My son Nathan found me there on Monday. (I already wrote this but I've been tired and didn't bother to look or remember, LOL!) I'm still collecting bit of glass and other "treasures" from the shoreline, whatever catches my eye. The waves are soothing when I'm stressed and the water is still warm from months of summer sun and temperatures. I got my sneaker toes wet on Thursday evening even though my flip flops were in the car. It was well into sunset and I didn't bother to change my footwear for the ten to fifteen minutes I would be by the water. Needless to say, my shoes spent the night in front of the fan. Flip flops are frowned on at the daycare. LOL!

September arrived yesterday morning and the weather was perfect. Cool morning, bright sunny day, and a warm afternoon. I drove to work early, came home on my break at 11:30 am, left my car and keys for Sergio, and walked back to work. It was too nice for him and the kids to be closed up in the house all day and with Idris still struggling to walk after his broken foot, I though they might appreciate being able to get out. They met Hannah for lunch and went to the park. It was a beautiful walk back to work. The walk home was felt but the pain in my back and leg were due more to bending over to wash little tables at work than the distance home.

After three weeks away, I returned to Potter Night with my cousins and made just under a dozen bud vases. It's our plan to have a booth at the Naples Grape Festival again. I missed a lot of time to make cups and such, but I do have a few to set up. I'm looking forward to spending a weekend with my cousins. They are forever friends.

Wednesday

My last day with the twins, the only two who stayed with me for the entire year. Such sweet and naughty little things! They were just five months old when I met them last September and now they are pushing 17 months. They learned to sit up, crawl, stand, walk and climb. They're starting to talk too. Julia calls me "mommy."

Today was Wednesday and I had four babies. Three were my regulars, the other was the new baby who still isn't sure he likes the daycare. (Actually, he doesn't like it at all.) Poor little guy... It will probably take him a couple of weeks to adjust. I was so hoping I would be left with my three little girls and no constantly crying baby, but we got through the day and he is a sweet little guy.

Today we read books, blew bubbles, and sang songs. I fed them breakfast, lunch, and snack, they took naps, and there was lots of floor sitting and snuggles. There was a bit of mischief and naughtiness, some crying and more than a few giggles, and of course lots of hugs, kisses and ear snuffling.

On Monday I stayed until Mom came to retrieve them. Today Danielle was there to relieve me at 3:30 pm, and offered to take a few pictures. I decided to give them a last hug and kiss and tell them goodbye which made me suddenly emotional. What will they think next Monday?

Tuesday

It has been my responsibility at the daycare to open our baby room each morning. During the school year we might have up to seven or eight children arrive by 8 am. Denise, our present cook, would come in to help once the fifth child arrived. Those were busy mornings full of breakfasts, bottles, diapers, and lots of toys. Mornings are quieter during the summer. Today we had just two infants, one a brand new start.  He's just 3 months old and adjusting, which means he's quite sad in the morning. He won't have time to get used to me. Thankfully, he's done very well with our other infant teacher.

Today I opened the infant room, but first I sat in the toddler room because the toddlers were arriving in droves. (I always help out there until my babies arrive.) I went back to the infant room when more toddler teachers came in. I went on an very early break today, 9 am. (Totally out of the ordinary but okay.) On my return, I helped out with the Pre-K class (4 yr olds) for a little while before giving one of our school age teachers a lunch break. From there I went to break the two toddler teachers. Two hours of mostly sitting while the little ones napped, and then a little time of coloring at the table before it was time to leave for my TB test.

Some of our toddlers were in the infant rooms last year, including two of my girls. A third will return in September. My little friend Mara always looks for a hug and recognition. I doubt she remembers her time with me in the baby room, but there is no question that she knows I love her. She cried when it was time for me to go today. Ugh. :(

Three more days. One more with the twins...

Bits and Pieces

 * Physical therapy is going good. It makes me tired, but I know it will be worth it all in the end. I'm feeling so much better already. My only setback, just two appointments in, was jamming my SI joint when I fell off a balance beam at the park with my grandkids. I learned two things. 1. I don't have great balance anymore. and 2. It's pretty easy to jam my SI joint.

* It's summer at the daycare. It's not my favorite. Children of school employees are mostly off for the summer leaving us with reduced numbers. This means a whole lot of bouncing around from room to room and never knowing what to expect from day to day. I like to think of myself as flexible, but if I'm honest, I hate it. Plus, my time with my twins is limited. They are on vacation this week and I have no idea what the director's plan is upon their return. They have been known to move children to the toddler room as early as 15 months old... which they are.

* Smoky skies again. It's mostly a reduced visibility and reduced air quality. I'm not complaining. My home is not on fire and we are still able to go outside. My heart hurts for those who are actually affected in much greater ways. I can't even imagine.

The Weekend Recovery Program

Last week was a little rough. From the pounding headache and queasy stomach of Sunday morning to a few dramatic episodes at work, I was more than ready for a little time off to settle my soul. 

A very young baby demands a lot of time and attention. Two small babies require twice as much, and even if I can settle myself into position to feed two hungry infants at the same time, it is quite literally impossible to hold three bottles at once. It is also impossible to clean up mammoth puddles of spit up without sending the feeding infants into squalling fits when their bottles, and their bodies, are no longer in feeding position. I have four infants daily and though our routine is somewhat established, it is still a work in progress. 

Thursday was picture day and it totally threw me for a loop... I literally felt myself start to twitch. Not sure that's ever happened before. I'd already asked for help with my babies several times, but either no one was listening or no one cared, and then I was chided for having "an attitude." Honestly, I'm not sure how I kept from spontaneously combusting. Thankfully, this does not happen on a regular basis.

Friday I was given some relief from the Infant Room and provided lunch breaks for coworkers. I went outside with the Older Toddlers, took my own break, sat with sleeping Younger Toddlers, sat for an hour with the infants, and finally went back to the older toddler room. The day provided several opportunities to interact with my previous infants who are now "waddlers" in the Young Toddler room. Occasionally one of our new teachers likes to steer them away from me, preventing any interaction. No hugs, just tears from the little ones I spent eleven months loving and nurturing. I have no intention of interrupting class activities, but neither do I intend to send my little girls the message that they don't matter, that I've traded them in or abandoned them, or that I don't love them anymore. When they see me and ask for a hug, whether that be with newly found words (Bennett says "hug,") or tears (that's Mara), I will be there to hug them, kiss their foreheads and tell them I love them. How can I not? (I had a slight altercation with said new teacher. Ugh.)

Life has dished up some mighty fine dishes of drama these past few years. I went home from work in tears on Friday, partly from the altercation and partly from something else deep within my own heart and soul. If dealing with our own childhood pain is necessary to healing, then I have some work to do loving the infant, toddler Martha within. I'm not entirely certain how that is accomplished. 

My grown up heart and mind knows I was loved. It knows my parents were embroiled in a heart wrenching trial even before my arrival. As a mom I understand how difficult it can be to meet the emotional needs of every child all the time. I'm not angry and there is no blame, but there remains a pain inside I can't yet name or soothe. I am on a journey to comfort the infant/very small child I used to be. She needs a hug, a kiss on the forehead, and a reminder that she has always been and always will be loved.

Oh, yes! The weekend. My lovely Bethany and I took four children to find the fairy houses and feed the birds at Mendon Ponds. Hannah and Sergio were gone to a wedding and I had the boys for the day. Today my friend Laura and I went out for breakfast after church, and then we drove down to Naples, NY to look in a few shops and buy a grape pie. Both days were lovely.

Bits and Pieces

 * Zyrtec withdrawal is going well. I still get itchy but every day is getting better. I've taken both Benadry and NyQuil throughout the week (Yes, I do know they contain antihistamines.) to help me sleep at night. They don't have the same intense itching withdrawal symptoms and I feel confident that I won't become addicted to either one. I honestly only wanted to get through my first week without the Zyrtec and will try sleeping the weekend without either one. I'm no longer wanting to scratch myself down to the bone, so something good must be happening.

* I spent the entire week with babies, anywhere from 3 to 4 of them. On Tuesday I had a clingy 14 month old who eventually spiked a fever. She is such a sweet little thing. I already knew early on that she wasn't feeling well, and since we've had both RSV and Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease going through the daycare, I was fairly confident something was cooking. Her daddy came to get her not too very much into the afternoon. The rest of the week has been spent with Very Littles, anywhere from 6 months down to 3. It's been a busy week full of bottles, diaper changes, and cuddles.

* Last night a few of my own grandchildren were here. I got to snuggle the mermaid and she went to sleep in my arms. *sigh* Number 12 (Logan) and I played catch with a stuffed dolphin while his brothers and Idris bounced off the ceiling and walls. Ha ha! I went from my work daycare home to another. What a fabulous day!

Two Weeks

 I've never gone so long between posts as between this one and the last. I can hardly recall what's happened that I might want to look back on...

* Minnesota. I lost track of how many times Jim said, "You know, Mom, you could stay another week," or "Mom, don't you want to stay another week?" I have to admit, it was very tempting. Deep inside I wanted to say yes, but I have a job that I needed to get back to and only three of the five days I'd taken were paid. When it came time to say goodbye, Parker (Number 11) was just waking up from a nap. He wasn't much in the mood for a cuddle, so I kissed his little forehead, told him I loved him, and choked back the emotion that wanted to well up inside and leak out my eyes.

On Thursday night, September 2, my blog friend Kim picked me up at Jim's house and we went for a walk at the Trout Brook Nature Sanctuary which was only about a mile or so away. She had a limited span of time to spend but I was grateful for her company. I don't know if I will ever get back to Minnesota and I missed her last time I visited. My friend Kristina wasn't feeling well when I was there and so we didn't get a chance to meet up. I'm hoping one day in the future we will make another connection.

Jim was off work for the weekend, so we took a ride with the boys on Saturday afternoon. We stopped to say hello to Jim's childhood buddy Dan and his wife Rachel in Farmington on our way to Nerstrand Big Woods State Park. It was a quick visit, mostly some hugs, a picture or two, and a little conversation, and then we were on our way. Dan and Rachel had a prior engagement to attend and hadn't been aware of my presence in MN until the previous evening.

We took the boys on a little hike through the woods to a "hidden" waterfall where an ever changing group of people enjoyed the cool water. The little found it wonderfully fascinating, while their older brother kept a sharp watch on them. I watched through my camera lens.

I returned from Minnesota on Sunday, September 6 following a fabulous brunch at Grammy and Granddad's house where we took some family pictures and Jim helped me do an "early" check-in for my flight because I'd forgotten all about it when we went to the woods on Saturday. He took me to the airport a little after 4 pm for my 5:30 pm flight home. I arrived in Rochester at approximately 11:30 pm local time and my friend Chris, who works near the airport, picked me up a little after midnight and took me home. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss my Minnesota people. In fact, I miss them very much. 

 * After my week away and flight home, I was relieved to have Labor Day off work. There were no picnics or parties planned. Late in the afternoon I took a drive out to find my friend Gail at her cottage in Williamson and we combed the rocky lake shore for bits of tumbled glass. It was an unusually quiet Labor Day. On my way home from Gail's I stopped by Bethany's house to drop a birthday gift off for Jilly (Number 8) who turned 6 while I was out of town. Jake (Number 5) had a birthday on September 11 and is now halfway to 18. (He's nine.)

* Work was crazy while I was gone and I returned to a daycare running at partial capacity. It's been a strange week and a half. The children have returned to school and are slowly trickling back in from mandatory isolations. (Yeah, that. I skipped town just in time.) Something in the daycare feels off, but it isn't the sickness. I'm hoping whatever it is passes and everything begins to feel normal again, but this too is a growing moment. 

* There was a family gathering on Sunday afternoon with chile. The forecast inspired us to change locations and so there were 12 grandchildren running about and frolicking in the house, yard, and driveway. They caught baby crickets in the grass and played in the rain. There were grown up conversations, heated discussions, and moments of encouragement. My heart is full and achy at the same time. 

* I started a new pottery class last night. Same instructor as in the spring as well as one classmate. I also know two others in the class; my friend Dan and his friend Katie. Although I haven't been to the studio much in the past few months, it felt comfortable and relaxed. I'm looking forward to the next eight weeks and wondering what kind of vessels will emerge... 

** I'm also still enjoying pottery nights with my cousins. This is my second "lace" cup, this time with a handle. I haven't yet decided how I'll finish it. It's possible I'll have it fired at the studio as they run their kilns at a much higher temperature. Time will tell.

A Pocketful of Beach Glass

I go to the lake whenever I need a moment of solitude, a chance to de-stress, or when I simply hear the call. Quite often I go "just because." It wasn't until last summer that I started hunting beach glass. It's now an obsession. Ha! I can't go to Webster Park without scouring the rocky shoreline for bits of green, brown, clear/white, or even red or blue. Sometimes I find a friend, but I'm often on my own. I love it either way.

Life is never dull or settled for long when one has seven children, five of them married, and seventeen grandchildren along with a full time job in a daycare center. I have adult children who struggle with a myriad of issues. It breaks my heart because so much of it could have been prevented had I been wiser long ago... And then there are unexpected medical surprises which make me once again grateful for not only modern medicine, but intuition as well. My daughter in law will be okay thanks to her own action and the blessing of doctors who listen to valid concerns. I am also grateful for a son who is not afraid to take on caring for his infant daughter when her mommy had to make a return trip to the hospital. I think he's a super dad! (He didn't dress her in this picture.)

Being the daycare cook, requires a significant amount of time in the kitchen where I often listen to the happenings in the toddler room directly across the hall. I thought I heard my name one morning and popped my head in to see what it was all about. The toddler teacher, in making conversation with our two and almost two year olds, had asked, "What kind of animal give us milk?" and one of the toddlers piped up, "Martha!" Have I ever told you how much I love these little people?

Last Sunday afternoon I was blessed to join my sister and her sister in law for an hour or so of kayaking. This is something I could actually do alone, but have never thought to try solo. The creek is full of paddlers, so it isn't as though I'd be completely solitary if I ran into trouble. I think I'll give going alone some serious consideration.

One evening this week upon my arrival home, I found my family hanging out in the garage. As we sat and talked, something went flying through the air and bounced of Killian's head. "Hey!" cried Hannah, "a rubber band just hit my baby in the head!" After a bit of deductive reasoning, we decided it had broken and popped off a container of clay I had sitting on top of the garage refrigerator. How funny that we should all be sitting there to witness the debacle! Of course, the baby barely noticed at all.

I've been having a wonderful time with my cousins this summer, playing with clay and getting reacquainted after way too many years apart. Our children should have grown up being best friends, but they barely know each other. I am grateful for a new chance to be friends with the cousins I grew up loving. This little cup is just glazed and ready to be fired. Can't wait to see how it turns out!

PS. I signed up for another advanced class at the pottery studio. We start in September. 

More Bits and Pieces

* As our daycare numbers dwindled last week, I began to come home early. Thursday evening I walked in the door to my family sitting together in the living room. There was a little gasp and Idris cried out, "It's Grammy! Now we're all here! Me and Mommy and Daddy and Grammy!" I couldn't help but smile.

* Our weather has been fickle. Friday was quite warm, so on the drive home I flipped on my air conditioning. While stopped for a traffic light I noticed an odd, burning odor. I turned the air off, opened my windows a bit, and hoped it was someone other than me.

* Other than filling my gas tank and running into the grocery store Friday evening, I stayed home. My car didn't move again until Monday morning. I started the engine and proceeded to scrape the night's accumulation of ice and frost off my windshield. In the process I noticed the car seemed to running louder than usual.

* I've been listening to my car's engine upon starting it and while idling at stops along the way. I didn't like the new sounds I was hearing. Something under the hood was amiss, but I didn't know what, so I sent a text message to my favorite mechanic. I stopped by after work to have him take a look at it. Good thing. It was something having to do with the unit that hooks into the air conditioning, a belt, and some bearings. (I can't keep it straight) All I know is it could have left me stranded and been a much more expensive job than it already is. (My feet as I sat waiting to find out what was wrong with my vehicle.)

* My boss, bless her heart, is covering for me in the kitchen tomorrow. The baby teacher will come in early, and I will stay home from work while my car is being fixed. This evening, after a cold, late afternoon walk, and no coffee, I am exhausted. I'm turning in early tonight. My eyes don't want to stay open.

The Mind Doesn't Rest

* I had an online therapist appointment on Saturday morning. Something new, different, and distracting. It went okay, and the pain running down the side of my neck and across the top of my shoulder dissipated gradually throughout the day. That's a plus. I told him I think my anxieties come out in pain. Rather than feeling anxious emotionally, my body ties itself in knots.

* Idris and I  took a cold walk around the block Saturday afternoon.

* Sunday was my birthday. We had church online. I was showered, dressed, and had my coffee in hand when it was time for the service to begin. This time I was alone in my room. Maybe next week I'll invite my daughter. Hannah and I took an afternoon walk to the village and back with Idris, and made pizza when we returned. There were chocolate cupcakes for my birthday, and then we watched "What About Bob" after the child went to bed. It was a different kind of birthday, but a good one just the same.

* This morning I got up half an hour late and missed my shower (again). I set my alarm for 5 pm instead of am. I may never learn, but I wasn't late. We had four babies today, four toddlers, and three 3-4 year olds. I made sloppy joes for lunch and headed home at 12:30 pm.

* After a little nap, Hannah, Idris, and I planted a garden in our front window. My dad would flip if he knew I glued the flowers to the glass. Ha ha! It looks cheery and is making us smile. Perhaps it will bring a smile to someone else's face as well. There are lots of people out walking when the weather cooperates.

Day #3 of Semi Isolation

Going to work makes life feel almost normal, except that it isn't. In my kitchen, cooking for the kids, I can somewhat forget what is looming on the outside, but the daycare, aside from crying babies, is much too quiet. Our numbers drop as more parents opt to keep their children home. It is to be expected. Soon we will stay home too.

Last night I took my camera on our family walk to the village. This afternoon I took pictures with my cell phone. We stopped by the woods on the way home. My old playground is almost unrecognizable. Old trees are rotted and fallen, the road narrowed and hidden by leaves, but this is where the neighborhood children gathered when I was a girl. It was a wonderful place.

Other than work, a quick stop in CVS, and our walk, I've stayed home. Pizza for dinner to support a small local business. We might as well save our stockpile for when we can't go out anymore. My bank account is low after rolling several thousand into an IRA so I can keep my health insurance, but my bills are paid and I still have a paycheck coming this week and next. God has me and those I love in the palm of His hand. And He has you too.

A Strange New World

I am ready and willing to stay home, but the daycare remains open for the time being. We had just 24 children today. I went in an hour and a half later than usual, and left early as well. Tomorrow will be the same.

After work I picked up my non-driving son and took him to the grocery store. He hasn't been in a while and was a bit concerned because he heard that everything was gone. I told him "everything" is a funny word. He was able to find what he needed (even a package of toilet paper), and said he was looking forward to a good salad later tonight. We had enough time to go through the drive-thru at the bank before taking his groceries home, and then I dropped him off at work.

This evening Hannah, Sergio, Idris and I went for a walk. It was a bit chilly, but I wore my gloves and hauled my camera along. Down through the path by the woods and on to the village, past the four corners, the fire station, the middle school, and back home again. I'm finally getting some steps worth counting, which my "new" phone is doing rather well at. Almost 9000 today.

Be safe, my friends.

Well That Stinks

Poopy morning. When I pulled her shirt off, it went all the way up her back to the base of her neck. She really needed a bath, but I didn't have the option, so I cleaned her up with an entire box of baby wipes. Okay, maybe not THAT many. Thankfully, it was not in her hair. Then I would have HAD to find a way to bathe her. As it was she screamed the entire time. I should have been the one screaming, but no. It was her. And she was my third poopy baby out of four. The fourth was not poopy.

I played with them, fed them, and changed them. I did not make their morning bottles. I did make their afternoon bottles and gave them lots of snuggles. Babies have to be snuggled. Even if they are boogery.

I've been trying not to think too much about the pandemic of Covid 19. Honestly, it's mostly because I don't know what to think. I'm not afraid, just confused. If the world shuts down for two weeks it's literally impossible for me to work remotely. Can't change diapers that way.