Saturday, April 06, 2019

The Last Hurrah (for now)

It's really Saturday morning, but I haven't been to sleep yet so it still feels like Friday to me. When I say "tonight," just remember in my mind it's still yesterday.

My Minnesota family is leaving in the morning. Tonight we had one last family dinner before they go. We met out at the house in Williamson; six of my kids, three of our in laws (two daughters, one son), and nine grandchildren. James was out of town and gave us permission to borrow the house for the evening.

There were no planned activities aside from dinner together and time in the house. The house is listed for sale and James has accepted an offer. If the deal goes through, this will be the last time our kids will gather in the house...

I cried my eyes out two weeks ago. I love everything about the house, but God is working other things in our hearts and lives, and it is out of my control. Letting go comes terribly hard for me. I want to hang on to everything and everyone I love, and even things I don't love so much, but I must remember that in order to take hold of the new things God has for me, for us, I need to let go of old things. Even things I love dearly. Even when it hurts.

One lone chicken still roams the yard. She succeeded in the pecking order, so to speak. Chickens are cruel companions, and when the outcast chicken dies or disappears, the group chooses a new hen to hate. Perhaps she was always the instigator. Who knows? Anyhow, she lives in the coop alone now and wanders the property at will.

I looked for my salmon colored tulip amongst the English ivy, but the rock I planted her by is missing and so I'm not exactly sure where she's planted. Maybe I will find her in a week or two.

I managed to get nine grandchildren in one picture and it will have to do for now. Controlling others is not my job and I can't make all my children decide to be in one place at the same time. They must be allowed to heal and grow at their own pace and in their own way. Maybe next time, huh?

6 comments:

  1. This post touches my heart deeply, Martha ~ so much unsaid....but much said too. You hold a special place in my heart and prayers. Love and Hugs to you dear.

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    1. I honestly don't know where all of this is going. Torrents of tears are cleansing and I am mostly okay this week. I couldn't have spent the evening there with my kids had I not cried my eyes out two weeks ago. There are so many questions in my heart and mind, so many questions I don't have answers for.
      Thank you for the love and hugs. You're my favorite!

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  2. I hear so much pain and healing going on in this post.
    Letting go is hard but you are so right in saying that things can't go ahead with out letting go. I do hear you...
    How precious, for what ever reason ,that so many of your family could be together for a meal and memories.
    Hugs to you today as you work into Saturday.
    Sue

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    1. Yes, lots of pain on all sides. Letting go is so very hard.I am blessed that my kids decided to gather there last night. It was good. We needed to do that.

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  3. Oh Martha....so hard to let go, when you didn’t want to let go....Love you...💙

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    1. Love you too, Linda.
      One day maybe I'll go stay overnight with Tracy again and we can do lunch.
      yes, letting go is so hard.

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