Get On Board!

Now wouldn't you just love to have one of these babies in your backyard? It's the train from the farm market...

All the little engineers had a turn to drive the train and ring the bell. The whistle blew and the little train started off toward the market. It was hauling a big load of apples picked fresh from the orchard just that morning; golden delicious, Ida reds, Macintosh and macouns . The passengers waved as the train rumbled down the tracks. Nobody stayed in their seats and no one fastened their seat belts. Instead they climbed from one car to another giggling all the way. Some of the brave riders jumped from the boxcar into the soft green grass along the tracks, but no one was hurt. After their journey the little passengers were hungry and sat down to eat cookies, drink cold cider, and crunch fresh apples. It was a wonderful day for a train ride!

Field Trip

Back in September I signed up to go on a field trip with the preschool class. Today was the big day and we headed off to the farm market in Sodus. It didn't rain this year like it did last, instead it was bright and sunny, a wonderful field trip day!

First we walked out into the orchard and picked some apples. Each child was given a drawstring plastic bag to fill with apples. There were red apples, yellow apples, and green apples, and although Mrs. K. hoped for a blue apple, there were none to be found. (Reminds me somewhat of a small boy who was once terribly upset because there were no purple chickens...) Guess we'll have to keep our eyes open on that one.

Apple orchards and farm markets are two of my favorite fall places so this was a great field trip for me. I still hope to take the girls out one day this month, maybe to another farm market, the fish hatchery, or to feed the birds. I'm not sure if it will really happen before the weather turns cold, but I can always hope.

Unclouded Day

The sky is dark and full of clouds. It threatens to rain, but inside I listen to my dad play Unclouded Day on his guitar and harmonica and know a day is coming when the storm clouds will no longer rise. Did he realize just how much he sang about heaven? Of course he did; these are the songs he took into the nursing homes each week to give hope, hope to those who were in the autumn of their years. I'm sure he never imagined he would reach the destination before many of those he sought to comfort, but I have to wonder if he had any idea how much comfort these old songs would be to us. Now if only I really knew how to work these programs and this equipment. I somehow managed to burn several CD's of one recording but now that I want to do another one I have no clue how I did it.

Apple in My Eye

I finally stopped at the farm market this afternoon and bought a bushel of apples; 20 Ounce, Crispins, and Ida Reds. Too bad they're not ripe. Maybe if I keep them in my kitchen they will decide to turn sweet, if they don't I will have to turn them into pie.

This morning we met with our pastor to discuss the memorial service. Tonight my mind and body are tired and don't want to think about it. Too many decisions, too many differences of opinion. I know it will work out, but right now it feels like the day will never come together. I guess this is why families open the microphone to friends and hope they will come up front to say good things. This evening I'm not even sure which songs to sing only that they will be songs Dad left running through our hearts and minds. I know there will be many friends and family members who come to share our sorrow and lift us up in prayer and encouragement. For this I am am very thankful.

September

September has slipped away and along with it the man who I have admired my entire life; one we could always turn to, one whose love was unquestionable, one whose example leads us back to Christ again and again. I find that my head is spinning. Although many others have had to face the death of a parent, it is still a new experience for me. I will miss my dad for the rest of my life and yet I have a peace deep within also. He was true until the very end and leaves a lasting legacy to the God who he loved so deeply.

The last four weeks of Dad's life sped by much too quickly. One he spent in the hospital while we struggled to absorb the diagnosis of cancer and a prognosis of just three months remaining to his life. There were many tears and knotted stomachs. Dad's first concern was for Mom and we promised to take care of her. His other concern was his nursing home services, four each week. How will we ever fill his shoes?

The second week my sisters and my children spent the hours looking out for Mom and Dad at their home. After my second weekend there Dad was quite certain our presence wasn't really necessary, and so we reluctantly left them alone for the next week and a half. A week ago Friday morning Priscilla called to tell me that Dad could no longer get out of bed and needed our help. By this time we needed help to help him and so James agreed to stay the night along with Priscilla. He stayed the next two nights also. I will forever be grateful to my dear husband for taking the time to tenderly care for my father in his final days.

On Sunday afternoon, although he was mostly quiet and listening from the bedroom, Dad was still able to converse, even making us laugh at times. He encouraged us to hold on to Jesus and quietly listened to his country gospel tapes. Nathan played the guitar for him. After evening church Bethany and Nathan brought him a CD of them doing worship, Nathan playing guitar and both of them singing. By late into the evening his verbal response had slowed to one or two words here and there or mumbled whispers. We were all afraid to go home. Bethany leaned over to tell him goodbye. "I have to go home Grandpa," she said. "If I don't see you here, I'll see you there." Dad opened his yes and gave a loud "Yes!"

By Monday morning Dad was unresponsive. The nurse came to check his vitals, massage his back, and change his position. She gave him a final dose of morphine. We continued to sit at his bedside, Rachel and I taking turns holding his hand and kissing his forehead. When Priscilla arrived, I gave the chair to her and she took his hand in hers. Fifteen minutes later, surrounded by his wife and three daughters, a son in law, and two grandchildren he took his final breath.

I'm not sure the hole he left behind will ever be filled; maybe it isn't supposed to be. He left us an example of how a Christian is to be, a shining light for Jesus. Dad always had a smile and a word of encouragement for those who passed his way. It was not an effort for him to reach out to others as he let the Holy Spirit work in and flow through his life. He wasn't perfect, he was a work in progress with the fingerprints of God all over his life. I pray that as he was like Christ, I might be like him. I am looking forward even more to heaven than I was a month ago.

Something to Smile About

In the midst of the sorrow, we find bits of sunshine. Two weeks ago we learned that we will be grandparents again in April. Lucas is going to be a big brother. Maybe the baby will come on Dad's birthday.

Over the weekend I also found my nephew, my brother Dan's son. (He is the baby shown here with his mom and dad.) This is really special because we haven't had much contact with him through the years. We are sharing photos on Facebook and hope to get acquainted that way. He brings to the family another great grandson for Mom and Dad. His little guy is just seven months old. I am really looking forward to getting to know him and his family.

Dad's memorial service is set for next Saturday. I am sifting through old photos...

The Fox

I thought I might never hear my daddy sing this song again. Thank you to My Darling's dear mother who video taped him years ago!

Farther Along

Tempted and tried, we're oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all the day long,
While there are others living about us,
Never molested, though in the wrong.

Refrain-
Farther along we'll know all about it,
Farther along we'll understand why;
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine,
We'll understand it all by and by.

When death has come and taken our loved ones,
It leaves our home so lonely and drear,
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year.

Faithful til death, said our loving Master
A few more days to labor and wait,
Toils of the road will then seem as nothing
As we sweep through the beautiful gate.

When we see Jesus, coming in glory,
When He comes from His home in the sky,
Then we shall meet Him in that bright mansion,
We'll understand it all by and by.

This song has been playing in my head for the last couple of months but, amazingly, I didn't connect it with my dad until listening to his tapes yesterday afternoon. When it first came to mind I was praying for a friend facing severe trials. I somehow knew we would be facing our own trial down the road, but I never guessed what it would be.

Crossing the Finish Line

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

There are no words to express the feelings. What a man, what an example! How our hearts ache, but what peace we have.

With family at his bedside, Dad passed into glory, and out of a dark and dreary sky came a ray of sunshine flooding his bed. Five minutes later the rain was pouring down and heaven cried along with us. So heaven shines a little bit brighter today and Dad is caught up into His arms.

Letting Go

For since the creation of the world His invisible [attributes] are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, [even] His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,
Romans 1:20

I looked around the house and saw Dad everywhere. Little signs that he loves us and thought, that's just like Jesus. He leaves us little signs everywhere, little signs that He loves us.

I sat by his bed, held his hand in mine and felt the tears well up inside. We listened to visitors talking in the dining room. One mentioned having a place in Florida. Dad glanced my way and said, "Would you ever want to live in Florida?" "No," I said, "Maybe somewhere in between like Tennessee or..." "Or Fairport," he said. I laughed out loud. Fairport is just 20 miles south of my parents' house. This is home and Dad never had any desire to move away.

Though weak and sleepy, he still hears everything. He knows what is going on around him and every once in a while will join in the conversation. He knows each one who comes to the bedroom door, each one who kisses his forehead, each one who stops to reaffirm his or her love. He knows our tears.

It has been a hard weekend. I found myself returning time after time to Dad's bedside this evening, sitting on that chair by the bed, and taking his hand in mine. I was afraid to go home, afraid to leave him, afraid he won't be there when I return, and at the same time praying for his departure. "Lord Jesus, Please take my Dad home." It was all I could say. He can't get up, he can barely talk... Though I miss him terribly already, I am ready to let him go.

What Can I Say?

We all feel a bit like someone has "shuffled the deck," but underneath the unsettledness is a settled feeling hard to explain and difficult to understand. With each new day comes a new realization that life will never be the same again. Dad can no longer get out of bed without help and he is taking morphine on a regular schedule to ease his pain and help him sleep. In a little less than four weeks time our world has been turned upside down, but we are not alone and we are not without much to thank God for. There are others who never had a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones. There are others who don't have a lifetime full of love and happy memories. There are others who don't have a Savior to turn to in times of grief. They say that "parting is such sweet sorrow" and I guess I understand that a little better each day.

Being Prepared

One of my dad's favorite past times is collecting firewood. A downed tree means some fun for him. "Scrounging" he calls it. With permission he cuts it up, tosses it in his trailer, takes it home and stacks it in the woodshed. Although the house is outfitted with hot water baseboard heating, Dad has always enjoyed a winter fire in the old wood stove. This year hasn't been much different than previous ones. Dad has been out collecting firewood though not quite so diligently or enthusiastically. I know he has been sick much longer than four weeks, but like the Energizer Bunny, he kept going and going. If he could just get out of bed, he'd be out there again.

I looked in the woodsheds this afternoon and Dad is prepared for winter. He is also prepared and waiting for Jesus. He is ready to go home. We are preparing ourselves to let him go. It is hard but we know the day is fast approaching. We are beginning to pray for his release. Though there will be tears, there will also be rejoicing as he is loosed from his suffering. We will be left behind, but not for long.

Going to Mom's

I'm going to my parent's house this afternoon. Dad had a rough night.

Getting Out

We've had some beautiful weather this week, sunny days and warm temperatures. I've decided to take the girls out tomorrow. Maybe they will enjoy feeding the birds at Mendon Ponds. It is a long drive for small girls but I'm hoping they will find it fun. I'll need to take a helper along, someone to help steady small hands while the birds land. Troy found it a little scary so maybe they will too. We'll see.

I took my camera out in the backyard this afternoon. Jasmine came home for several hours and thought maybe I was going for a walk. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time and she was rather disappointed. It would have been a great time to get some fresh air and exercise. I settled for just fresh air and a few photos. Maybe next time Jazz comes home we can go for a hike.
I'm hoping to pick up some apples this weekend. When I took Sofie out for her morning adventure the air smelled like apples. It must be an early morning thing as by the time I took the girls to preschool it was no longer noticeable. It just isn't autumn without an apple pie or two... or three.

Happy Birthday, Jim!

Happy Birthday, my son!
You are the one who brought me a special gift; the name "Mom." Albuquerque in September of 1981 can seem both long ago and like yesterday at the same time. The days and years have hurried by and now you are grown and living far away, but my love for you remains the same.
Thank you for coming into my life, for teaching me how to love unconditionally, and for showing me just how much my own mom and dad love me. Of course, I wish I was with you on your special day, to give you a hug and tell you how much I love you. I am blessed to have you as my son!
(I hope the delivery arrived safe and was yummy!)

Life's Railway to Heaven

My Dad is tired. Though the will to live is there, it appears the strength is not. One day he feels good and the next he cannot eat and sleeps much of the day. His banjo rests while his harmonica lays silent. He runs tape recordings of himself playing the old gospel songs... Do we hold on or do we let go? I find myself wanting to do a little of each, not wanting to say goodbye and yet knowing that the time must come. I wonder, does he hear the train whistle blowing?

Life's Railway to Heaven

Life is like a mountain railroad,
With an engineer that’s brave;
We must make the run successful,
From the cradle to the grave;
Watch the curves, the fills, the tunnels;
Never falter, never quail;
Keep your hand upon the throttle,
And your eye upon the rail.

Chorus:
Blessed Savior, Thou wilt guide us,
Til we reach that blissful shore;
Where the angels wait to join us
In thy praise for evermore.

You will roll up grades of trial;
You will cross the bridge of strife;
See that Christ is your conductor;
On this light’ning train of life;
Always mindful of obstruction,
Do your duty, never fail;
Keep your hand upon the throttle, and your eye upon the rail.

You will often find obstruction;
Look for storms of wind and rain;
On a hill, or curve, or trestle.
They will almost ditch your train;
Put your trust alone in Jesus;
Never falter, never fail;
Keep your hand upon the throttle, and your eye upon the rail.

As you roll across the trestle,
Spanning Jordan’s swelling tide.
You behold the Union depot
Into which your train will guide.
There you’ll meet the Superintendent,
God the father, God the son
With the hearty, joyous plaudit,
“Weary pilgrim, welcome Home!”

Drive-In Theatre

What do guys love best? Why cars and drive-in movies, of course. This was Grandpa's idea and Lucas thought it a good one. He had been driving around wondering what to do when, BINGO!, the idea struck! Why not go to the movies? Why pull up a chair when you can drive up the car? (He stayed on the seat today...)

So, here is is watching Veggie Tales Lord of the Beans. We don't often turn on the tube during the daytime, so one has to enjoy it while he can. And he did.

More Birds in the Hand

They move fast and as soon as one flies away another is there to take its place. Well, sometimes that's how it works... Other times we just stand there with our hands out in the air until our shoulders are so tired they ache.

A Bird in the Hand

I felt the need to get out for a walk yesterday afternoon so we took a ride to Mendon Ponds and hiked the Bird Song Trail. The birds were out today and at least a few were eager for a handout.

There is nothing quite like the feel of tiny claws wrapped about one's finger. Chelsie (Hannah's friend) screamed the first time one landed in her hand. I have become accustomed to the scratchy touch of a chickadee and I no longer duck when they fly straight toward me.

The walk was good for me, a stress reliever of sorts. We stopped to see Mom and Dad on the way home but didn't stay too long, just long enough to let them know we love them and show them my video of the birds eating out of my hand.

A new week is beginning and I have much to do...

O God, You have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare Your wondrous works.
Now also when I am old and gray-headed,
O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.
Psalm 71:17-18


Josiah and I had a good visit with my mom and dad last night. Josh came to play today and I got my hair cut. Tonight we made pizza for supper. I'm hoping the migraine I've been fighting since yesterday morning will not return tonight.