September

September has slipped away and along with it the man who I have admired my entire life; one we could always turn to, one whose love was unquestionable, one whose example leads us back to Christ again and again. I find that my head is spinning. Although many others have had to face the death of a parent, it is still a new experience for me. I will miss my dad for the rest of my life and yet I have a peace deep within also. He was true until the very end and leaves a lasting legacy to the God who he loved so deeply.

The last four weeks of Dad's life sped by much too quickly. One he spent in the hospital while we struggled to absorb the diagnosis of cancer and a prognosis of just three months remaining to his life. There were many tears and knotted stomachs. Dad's first concern was for Mom and we promised to take care of her. His other concern was his nursing home services, four each week. How will we ever fill his shoes?

The second week my sisters and my children spent the hours looking out for Mom and Dad at their home. After my second weekend there Dad was quite certain our presence wasn't really necessary, and so we reluctantly left them alone for the next week and a half. A week ago Friday morning Priscilla called to tell me that Dad could no longer get out of bed and needed our help. By this time we needed help to help him and so James agreed to stay the night along with Priscilla. He stayed the next two nights also. I will forever be grateful to my dear husband for taking the time to tenderly care for my father in his final days.

On Sunday afternoon, although he was mostly quiet and listening from the bedroom, Dad was still able to converse, even making us laugh at times. He encouraged us to hold on to Jesus and quietly listened to his country gospel tapes. Nathan played the guitar for him. After evening church Bethany and Nathan brought him a CD of them doing worship, Nathan playing guitar and both of them singing. By late into the evening his verbal response had slowed to one or two words here and there or mumbled whispers. We were all afraid to go home. Bethany leaned over to tell him goodbye. "I have to go home Grandpa," she said. "If I don't see you here, I'll see you there." Dad opened his yes and gave a loud "Yes!"

By Monday morning Dad was unresponsive. The nurse came to check his vitals, massage his back, and change his position. She gave him a final dose of morphine. We continued to sit at his bedside, Rachel and I taking turns holding his hand and kissing his forehead. When Priscilla arrived, I gave the chair to her and she took his hand in hers. Fifteen minutes later, surrounded by his wife and three daughters, a son in law, and two grandchildren he took his final breath.

I'm not sure the hole he left behind will ever be filled; maybe it isn't supposed to be. He left us an example of how a Christian is to be, a shining light for Jesus. Dad always had a smile and a word of encouragement for those who passed his way. It was not an effort for him to reach out to others as he let the Holy Spirit work in and flow through his life. He wasn't perfect, he was a work in progress with the fingerprints of God all over his life. I pray that as he was like Christ, I might be like him. I am looking forward even more to heaven than I was a month ago.