Saturday, May 27, 2023

Going for a Spin

The thought processor is whirring...

I am struggling with cognitive dissonance; wanting one thing to be true, and yet knowing there is another truth offsetting the first. It is this disconnect that causes my heart to ache and bleed. No matter how I try I cannot reconcile the two. It is, I suppose, a little like trying to imagine a time before I was born, a world in which I did not exist, and another in the not-so-very-distant future when I will cease to be once again. Pieces of reality that my mind cannot comprehend... problems that cannot be solved... brokenness that will never be made whole,... at least not in this lifetime. And the thought processor continues to spin.


I went to the lake on Thursday afternoon, walked along the lake where the concrete break wall meets the bottom of the hill, and down to the little strip of hidden shoreline where years ago another break wall once was. I picked bits of glass from the pebble beach, climbed over broken concrete slabs and fallen trees, and took pictures before heading back toward the pier and walking along the edge of the sidewalk on the lake. I was looking at the dirty water when all of a sudden my right foot slipped out from under me and I went down directly on my left knee and backside. Mostly my knee. It was quite jarring, not to mention painful and embarrassing.

No one else at the lake seemed to have taken notice. The man who had previously been walking toward me had turned around immediately before I fell. (So much goes through the mind in those split second...) My camera was safe, I was not in the water, and I needed to get to my car. I could still walk but my knee was aching and I needed some ice. I couldn't stay home on Friday without losing my holiday pay on Monday... Long story short, I "iced" my knee with a bag of frozen corn, took a few ibuprofen for the pain and swelling, and propped it up on a pillow. No problem going to work Friday morning. I am grateful.

It was just me and three cousins doing pottery last night. I trimmed a previously thrown bowl and glazed several bisque fired pieces. I have quite the collection amassed. Bowls, cups, and mugs of varied shapes and colors. It will be like Christmas when they come out of the kiln.


  1. ...I'm sorry to hear of your fall.

    1. Thank you, Tom. I'm relieved there was no twisting of the knee, just a bruise.

  2. (((hugs))) for the Pain..both inside and outside.

  3. Sorry about the pain. I have memorized Psalm 139 many years ago, and I go over it time after time in my mind. Yesterday I was going over it again and realizing before you exsisted, God knew your every day, the good, the bad and the ugly and like a puzzle we won't understand until we get to heaven, But it's written in His book, and God doesn't make mistakes. He uses everyone of our choices. I think of Job, as he was NEVER told why! But in the end....All he could do was worship God.
    Martha, keep plowing forward...keep searching for answers, and I know God will reveal those He wants you to understand.
    I love you daughter Martha!!!

    1. There are so many tings we will never understand this side of heaven, and on the other side it most likely won't be a question anymore. Funny how that works...
      Love you too, Wanda Mom!

  4. How heaven it won't matter...we will be in perfection!!