Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Disappointment

Dark, frigid mornings result in an overwhelming desire to delay dragging myself out of bed and down to the shower. As much as I love my job, and deem it worthy of every effort, I long for more than long days in a daycare center and busy weekends...

Last night found me at the pottery studio once again. There I found two friends, both glazing their work, and I had come to do the same. I glazed several figures I'd sculpted before Thanksgiving. On the finished glaze shelf was a piece glazed a week ago. I was less than pleased with how the glaze fired and found myself inspired to call it "Disappointment". In reality, disappointment is an understatement. Devastated is more accurate descriptor, though that has nothing to do with the glaze.

Someone who loves me relayed their hope that I would be able to find my "new normal" but I had just endured a weekend of emotional upheaval and the exchange was too much to bear. I couldn't stop the torrent of tears. My heart was broken all over again. If I had only myself to think of the pain might still be unbearable, but I have seven children, five with spouses, and a dozen (and more) grandchildren. How and where do I find a "new" normal when I'm not even sure what normal is?

On the other side of darkness is the light. When I came to live with my daughter and her family in my childhood home, I felt alone and out of place. It's taken two years, a few pieces of heirloom furniture, and some bright autumn colors to lure me out of hiding. I don't spend every evening alone in my attic bedroom anymore, conversation with Sergio comes easier, and the place I've always known as home feels like it again.

I don't know if life will ever feel normal. Then again, perhaps there is an adventure awaiting. Maybe. Well, .... there could be.

7 comments:

  1. You will find your new normal! I know!!! Hobbies help! Church and good friends who don't spout platitudes!!! Walking even inside! Two years almost for me-it gets better! We don't get over it but manage to get through it!!!!

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    1. Life feels more "normal" now than it has felt in a long time. Every day it gets a little more normal than it was the day before. Thank you for the encouragement.
      :0)

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  2. Beautiful encouraging words from your friend Brenda.
    Normal is a strange word..what is normal? I don't think there is any normal....
    Life goes on with its twists and turns and we learn from the experiences to be stronger, happier, trusting , growing, and continuing to give it all to the Lord..
    I'm also speaking to my self...we continue to live to be Overcomers.
    Love you Friend,
    Sue

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    1. I am reminded of The Incredibles where one of the children wails, "What does anyone in this family know about normal?" We all have a slightly different perspective on what normal is.
      Yes, life goes on, and I a grateful it does. I am thankful for every small child who enters my day, for every friend who takes the time to give me a hug or a word of encouragement, and for a God who has promised never to leave me alone.
      :0)

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  3. I don't know that you will ever feel normal again, but you can find a contentment in where you are and with who. Your daughter and your childhood home can present many new adventures as well as some new experiences that might just help find a new life. I love the pottery piece and I believe you found the perfect title for it.

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    1. I am growing more content with each passing week, but there remain days when I feel hopelessly lost. Thankfully those moments pass quicker these days. In January my new pottery class begins. I am looking forward to it.
      :0)

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