On the way home today we stopped at the bank, Mom's bank, and added my name to her bank account. We made it a joint account and I needed her physically there to do it. Since I already had her out, it seemed an appropriate time. Now, if something happens to Mom, I can still access her funds. This would have been the only thing to force her will into probate. Now we can avoid that and if there is anything left in the account by the time all of this is over, I can divide it equally between my sisters and myself. I'm pretty sure I can be trusted not to run off with it...
The remaining issue is how to care for Mom and cover our own expenses in doing so. Being somewhat frugal, and a bit of a tightwad as well, I find actually spending her money to be quite the struggle. Since I have few marketable money-making skills of my own, and am somewhat unable to go out and look for a job or take on more childcare jobs, I am left with little choice but to dip into Mom's accounts. I suppose tightwads are, in some ways, a money-maker of their own accord. We just happen to make money by not spending or being thrifty. And, no, I am not about to start swiping napkins and toilet paper from restaurants and public restrooms. (I read about people doing that and I think that is just wrong.)
There is an expense in having her live with you. Don't feel a bit guilty about using her funds! And that is that. period. :)
ReplyDeleteIf you start feeling guilty, come back and read this. ha.
The question is not whether to use them or not, but how much? What is fair and how does one find that figure?
DeleteWell, only you can answer that question. Have her buy the weekly groceries once a month and pay 1/3 of the housepayment or utilities. Nobody has a right to question you unless they want to have her move in with them. You can't put a dollar amount on emotional stress in the care of her!
DeleteIt's an internal battle.
DeleteMartha, that is such a hard question. You do such a beautiful job taking care of your mom and you are so faithful with her resources!! I do like Betsy's comment and think it is a good idea to refer back to it time and time again;-)
ReplyDeleteI will only have done a good job if I continue to be faithful. We are turning a new corner and I find this one frightening.
DeleteI have said it before...
ReplyDeleteI respect you so much for the role you have assumed in your Mom's life..
I guess she has to earn her keep, almost like a lodger of sorts...pay her own way...
You will figure it out, Martha...
Perhaps your sisters would be of help in the department...
I don't know all of your personal stuff, but there is nothing wrong in making sure that YOU don't go to the poor house, while trying to take care of your Mom...
How is the blizzard progressing over there???
Cheers!
Linda :o)
It looks like winter again. The ground is covered with snow and the radar map says it's covering the entire area. I think perhaps it is almost done at your place. Hopefully the "Snow Machine Ontario" doesn't churn up a couple feet of the white stuff before it's over.
DeleteThere is an expense...Betsy is right. I will forever be grateful for the care you and James give to Mom every day.
ReplyDeleteThere is an expense, I'm not denying that.
DeleteDitto what Priscilla said. You're doing a great job. I totally trust you 100% with her finances...you know, we've already talked about all this stuff. Love you, Marty.
ReplyDeleteI know you trust me, but it's still hard to know what is right and fair.
DeleteI love you too, Rachel.