The Afghan...

Are the threads being untangled, or becoming more hopelessly knotted together? And what good is one long, untangled thread, even rolled into a nice, neat ball? Is it not through the weaving and knotting of yarn that the afghan grows? 

(Quite honestly, I am processing as I write. I originally thought untangling was the goal, but am coming to think perhaps they are meant to be wound together...) 

I have often found (or thought) myself on the fringe, connected on one side, yet feeling totally disconnected on another. It's the deep seated childhood fear of being unimportant and all but invisible... Because of our divorce, I do not have the same place in my husband's family. There is a raw edge between us, connected by a few threads. This is the way of life after divorce, but it does not make it less painful. I am grateful for the years of healing, healing tears, and my eldest son's Face-time call from Halifax this past July. I am looking forward to more healing. 

Every strand woven makes the tapestry more colorful, yes? Grandma was a strand of bright and brilliant color. I only hope to be a little bit like her in all the best ways.

Another Farewell

What do I say about this goodbye? Another long anticipated crossing over? Thoughts are many but my mind simply doesn't know which way to process this today... It will come in bits and pieces, a few tears here, and few more there...

My son called while I was at work this morning. He wanted to tell me about his grandma's passing in person... "When I was little it felt like I couldn't do anything right," he said. "But when Grandmanita was around, I couldn't do anything wrong." I've been contemplating that all afternoon... What a beautiful gift to leave a grandchild... She was so full of excitement, laughter and encouragement...

Grnadmanita taught me so, so much. Lessons on encouraging others, on accepting those who were different, and on loving myself as well.  She would compliment me and when I blushed or rebuffed her comment, her admonition was, "Say, 'Thank you, I know.'" It was a hard lesson to learn... 

Memories are wonderful gifts. Remembering helps us process grief and loss. Remembering things like my 8 year old daughter getting a toaster, a used one, I think, for Christmas... We have laughed about it for 30 years now. It was a most memorable holiday surprise... LOL!

Lots of tributes on Facebook today... She was well loved.

Across the Border

Sixteen hours and a passport away, in Halifax, Nova Scotia, is my sweet (once upon a time, and forever in my heart) mother in law. I have never been to visit her there, although we did visit her home when she lived in Crystal Beach, Ontario, Canada. Once she moved we always had her come to visit us instead. I suppose it was was easier to buy an airline ticket for one than to drive with all nine of us... Or however many there were of us at any given time. She traveled often enough for our kids to know and love her and I am ever so grateful for every one of those visits.

In a few days she will be 85 years old. Bright and sharp and active all the way up into her early eighties, the last few years have been a struggle. Age catches up with the most vibrant and eccentric of us... She's battled an incurable illness this past year, lost a lot of weight, and is wrestling with short term memory loss. Her time is winding down... My heart is sad. I have already missed her for seven years (and more), ever since I moved away from the farm and back into my childhood home, and especially since the divorce. Deep inside of her is a woman who fiercely supports me, but she is also a Momma and desperately loves her son. I get it. I understand. I am okay with that, even if it makes my heart ache.

I won't get to say another goodbye to the woman who has been such an influence in not only my own life, but the lives of my children. Thankfully, I had a chance to say I love you this past July when my son unexpectedly FaceTimed me from Halifax. On the other end of my phone was the same sweet soul I knew and loved. I longed to wrap my arms around her but it was impossible. It will never come to pass.

Life is give-and-take. She gave so much to me, the incredible gift of knowing her, loving her, and (at least once upon a time) of being loved in return. I will take that gift and hold it forever in my heart.

Cat Food

Oreo, the beggar cat is certain good things come in bowls. That is where he finds the last few drops of milk after my breakfast, and that is where, on very rare occasions, something else tasty. I'm pretty sure Grandmanita was eating squash soup which Oreo found quite delicious.






We told her, "No feeding the cat," but of course, she is the momma and she does what she wants, after all, what are we going to do about it? (Not that we really cared...) I decided I liked the scene and it should be recorded and documented for posterity.

By now Grandmanita should be back home in Nova Scotia. She has been away for many weeks and was probably ready to be home in her own little apartment. I am blessed to have had her here with us for a little over two weeks. It wasn't quite the restful visit I had envisioned... but I am glad she came. James' cousin Angel (Angela) and I have decided that maybe one day we will run away and find ourselves in Nova Scotia. (Wouldn't that be fun?)

North of the Border

We took Grandmanita back to Canada today. While we were north of the border we decided to drive up to Niagara Falls and check out the water. There's still a ton of ice from last week's "polar vortex".

After our ride to Niagara Falls, we turned around and drove back along the river to Fort Erie where we stopped to eat at our favorite Chinese restaurant, the May Wah. (Love the lemon chicken!) After taking Grandmanita and Gramma Gail back home to Gail's place, we hugged them both goodbye and were on our way.

It's been a long day, and an even longer weekend, so enjoy the pictures. It's time for me to get some sleep.

The Happenings

A lot has been happening here...

Grandmanita has been in town for two weeks now. When she visits we normally do a bit of visiting and running around. This time,

not so much. She did go out for a ride with My Darling one afternoon. She thought maybe he was taking her to visit her niece, but actually he was taking her to the doctor because she had a terrible, awful, can-hardly-catch-your-breath kind of cold. Thankfully the medicine worked and we all slept better after that. The weather kept us home, family dynamics kept us home, and watching children kept us home. As antsy as we were, we never got out together. Tonight she has gone to visit the beloved niece and spend the night there before heading back to Canada and her childhood friend on Sunday afternoon. It's been a "different" kind of visit this time around.

Our house is a little fuller the past few days. I won't get into the details here but things have been wild and crazy, and I would appreciate continued prayers for all kinds of things including an extra huge helping of patience and calm for My Darling. I'll take some extra love and patience too, along with scattered moments of quiet and maybe a nap every once in a while. It doesn't even have to be every day. Hannah would appreciate a very long night of pure and restful slumber. She's been fighting a headache today and thinks it may be from too little sleep.

I'd love to find some time one day to enjoy baking and frosting some fun cutout cookies. We have a nice collection of decorator tips and maybe one day I'll actually learn how to use them. Maybe first I should find someone who needs a batch of beautiful and tasty cookies so I don't polish off half them myself. Yeah, ... that might be a good idea.

Off and Running

Well, kind of.... My faraway son is on his way home again, finally. The flight out of Rochester was scheduled to leave on time, ... until they arrived at the airport anyway. Maybe it was the weather this time. We did get a rather nice snowfall this afternoon. Southwest has been having a lot of delays this past week and rather than leaving at 5 pm, the departure didn't take place until 7:33 pm. That's a long wait with a 5 month old baby.

It was another whirlwind visit. We packed Christmas, New Year's and an early birthday celebration into just five days. We stayed up much too late, slept in strange beds, and threw any semblance of a normal schedule tot he wind. Now we gather ourselves together and make a grand attempt to jump back into our everyday routines.

It's always hard to say goodbye, especially not knowing when we'll meet again. Thankfully, we have pictures to bring these days back to memory, and we remembered to take a picture of this little one with each of our moms.

Safe travels, sweet child!

An Update

I am not entirely certain where the last six weeks went. They were right here one moment, and the next thing I knew, they were gone! How does that happen?

I am incredibly blessed to have had my favorite mom in law here for several weeks. We faced some terribly emotional days together, cried a few tears, and laughed a lot too. We shared the pain of lost loved ones, a bout of sickness, and a Christmas holiday. We ate many wonderful meals, baked Boston Brown bread, made tamales, and drank countless cups of coffee, tea, and hot chocolate. We spoke of times past and made new memories.
We took pictures, went shopping, and visited friends and family. We watched movies, read books, and stayed up late. We went out to eat, took afternoon naps, and played games. It seemed she had scarcely arrived and it was time to go home already... Almost six weeks went by and yet it seemed just a few days.

By now Grandmanita is safely back home. I'm sure her friends are happy. I bet her cat is thrilled! I'm fairly certain Auntie Lee Anne is doing the Happy Dance. I will miss her for many days to come. I love her.

Goodbye, Grandma!

Our visit with Grandmanita came to an end yesterday when we took her to Fort Erie to stay with her friend, Gail. Of course, we couldn't go to Fort Erie without taking a drive around and stopping at all our "favorite" destinations. One popular stop, Teal Rd. and the no longer existent Teal farm. Bethany thought we needed another Teal Rd. photo, this time with people.

We took a walk back into the trees where the Teal house once stood. It was bulldozed years ago. There is nothing left, not even a foundation. Only a couple of large trees suggest something may have once stood in that location. It is possible someone years back had a garden full of garlic... We found lots of that.

We stopped at the Ridgeway Battlefield Museum... The building, moved there from another location, was once the home of Zacharias Teal. I'm beginning to doubt it is really even a museum any more. The sign has fallen off the front porch and the windows were long ago boarded up. There was a picnic going on in the pavilion behind. Grandma took a few photos of the old cabin and we left.

We stopped for lunch at the Summer Delight Rest- aurant, a little diner in Ridgeway, Ontario, where we had burgers or hotdogs and fries. It was a nice little place that I think I might look for again should I chance to go back that way anytime soon. (Yes, I did put vinegar on my fries.)

A drive through Ridgeway with Grandmanita wouldn't be complete without stopping at Crystal Beach. She was living there when I met James and for a year or two after we were married. We visited her often, but sadly never went to the park that once graced the shore. If you are a roller coaster buff, the Comet once thrilled riders where the condominiums now stand on the breakwater.

We found some more secluded beaches a little farther down the road where James and the kids put their feet in the water. The beach at Windmill Point is still our favorite. The beach is covered with shell fragments, which aren't so great on bare feet, but the rocks go out a nice distance into the water and it is a pretty little beach. Much different than what I am used to here at home.

After a quick stop at the Windmill Point Church cemetery, we headed for "Grandma" Gail's house. She took us all out to eat at the May Wah Chinese Restaurant. It is a great place to eat if you are ever in Fort Erie. We have been there with Gail several times through the years and have never been disappointed. Lemon Chicken was the favorite.

We started home late, climbed into bed at midnight, and wished morning wouldn't come so early. What a great "vacation" we had right here at home! We'll miss you, Mom!

Breakfast on the Back Porch

Potato Pancakes are a Grandmanita specialty. I think we have them at least once every visit. In fact, they are often requested and always readily devoured. Bethany came over early just to get a few. One never knows exactly what is in them, but they always taste yummy. (Actually, I do know some of what was in there, but I highly doubt I could duplicate them without help and I think they change slightly with each batch. More like, I know they do.)

It was a beautiful morning for breakfast on the back porch, so we took our plates outside to the picnic table loaded down with potato pancakes topped with sour cream and complimented with apple sauce, bacon, and bits of ham, coffee and orange juice on the side. Most of us went back for seconds and who could blame us? (Did I say I was trying to lose a few pounds? I suppose there is always tomorrow... )