Across the Border

Sixteen hours and a passport away, in Halifax, Nova Scotia, is my sweet (once upon a time, and forever in my heart) mother in law. I have never been to visit her there, although we did visit her home when she lived in Crystal Beach, Ontario, Canada. Once she moved we always had her come to visit us instead. I suppose it was was easier to buy an airline ticket for one than to drive with all nine of us... Or however many there were of us at any given time. She traveled often enough for our kids to know and love her and I am ever so grateful for every one of those visits.

In a few days she will be 85 years old. Bright and sharp and active all the way up into her early eighties, the last few years have been a struggle. Age catches up with the most vibrant and eccentric of us... She's battled an incurable illness this past year, lost a lot of weight, and is wrestling with short term memory loss. Her time is winding down... My heart is sad. I have already missed her for seven years (and more), ever since I moved away from the farm and back into my childhood home, and especially since the divorce. Deep inside of her is a woman who fiercely supports me, but she is also a Momma and desperately loves her son. I get it. I understand. I am okay with that, even if it makes my heart ache.

I won't get to say another goodbye to the woman who has been such an influence in not only my own life, but the lives of my children. Thankfully, I had a chance to say I love you this past July when my son unexpectedly FaceTimed me from Halifax. On the other end of my phone was the same sweet soul knew and loved. I longed to wrap my arms around her but it was impossible. It will never come to pass.

Life is give-and-take. She gave so much to me, the incredible gift of knowing her, loving her, and (at least once upon a time) of being loved in return. I will take that gift and hold it forever in my heart.