Tuesday, March 02, 2021

I Stayed Home Yesterday

It was a tough weekend. 

 Saturday marked seven years since my mom's passing. I didn't cry much at the time. I was mostly numb. Being her primary caretaker during the final three years of her life had been a challenge, not because she was difficult, but because untraveled roads and unfamiliar territory come with fears and failures. It wasn't easy losing her to dementia a little bit at a time...

Sunday brought a different kind of stress when I woke to a message from someone I love dearly. We are on opposite sides of the same trial and meeting in the middle is pretty much impossible. I'm not sure what this will mean in the future, but I pray we are one day able to do what today looks to be unattainable. 

Since I've not yet mastered the ability to hear another person's words without my body overreacting, I'm afraid I went into full alert. After a week of little to no sugar, I found myself buying a big slice of chocolate cake from the Wegmans Bakery. (A friend told me cake has no sugar. I knew he was lying, but decided to take his word for it anyway.) I don't know how chocolate, and especially chocolate cake, help in times of dire distress, but it was all I could think of to help in the moment.

I woke up between Sunday evening and Monday morning with a horrific headache. I considered getting up to find a pain reliever, but couldn't drag myself from the bed and went back to sleep instead. By morning I had a full-blown, throbbing, tension headache. I hauled myself out of bed and down to the shower where I stood trembling in pain, waves of nausea washing over me. I knew I couldn't go to work and function. Even driving would be dangerous. I sent my boss a reluctant text. I had never called in sick. 

As I showered I also filled the tub with hot water and let myself have a good long soak before getting out and putting my pajamas back on. Upstairs I brushed my wet hair, put a towel over my pillow, and crawled back into bed. The pain killers I'd taken before getting into the shower slowly began to work. Although they took the edge off and I stopped shaking and feeling queasy, the pain in my neck and shoulders remained. By early afternoon I sent my favorite chiropractor a text. He gave me a hug, adjusted my neck and upper back. When I came home, I took some Benadryl and turned the light off early. I heard my phone chime a time or two but didn't even look until morning when I saw he'd sent me a text at 8 pm asking how my headache was feeling.

I woke this morning headache free with just the sore muscles of a previously knotted up back and shoulders. I was assigned to the older toddler room for most of the day. Five little girls, all two years old. I haven't spent an entire day in the older toddler room since I first started at the daycare almost four years ago! I'll admit, I felt a little overwhelmed to start with, but we did just fine.

Now if only I can remember tomorrow is Wednesday and not Tuesday...

(I needed a photo, so you get one from last week when they all decided to sit along the outside of the building. I don't think anyone's really looking at the camera...)

2 comments:

  1. Oh Martha..that toddler photo is priceless. What a cute bunch of munchkins. They were tulips for your soul..even though at the time you may have doubted it. God knew what you needed and didn't let you spiral like you would have in the past. You sought help and did the right things.
    Grief never goes completely away but we all learn new helpful ways of going through it.
    Love you dear friend and am so thankful you are being transparent. (((hugs))) from CA
    Sue

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    1. Those silly little people! Only two were sitting there at first, but when I stopped to take their photo, more and more kept joining the line.

      Grief. Yes. I still get a knot in the pit of my stomach and my heart still aches. Maybe it will for the remainder of my days...

      Love you too, Sue. Thank you for being a friend.

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