This Girl Here

You wouldn't know much of anything about her by looking at the picture. Even her age would be tough to guess. The only hint she is married is the ring on her finger. You might even believe she is a newlywed, but I can tell you a few things about the girl in the picture...

She's 32 years old, has been married for almost 15 years, and has seven children from 14 years old down to 9 months. She had her makeup done in Texas, but she's actually from upstate NY. In fact the only make up she typically wears is a touch of mascara. She is terribly uncomfortable with this surprise photo shoot. She is emotionally and mentally spent. She's very likely suffering the effects of a near nervous breakdown and it will take years for her to recover. In many ways she will never be the same, but she will survive.

Today she looks at this photograph, sees beauty and innocence, and remembers a time when everything around her felt hopeless. The depression felt impossible to shake. For two years her feet had hit the floor running in the morning. She could hardly remember the last time she'd sat down to relax during the day, and she crawled into bed totally exhausted every night. Home schooling had become impossible so she'd taken the advice of a friend and registered her children for school even though it was already April. It didn't go over well with her husband and she fell apart that evening, dropping to the floor by the couch and sobbing. He bought her a plane ticket to Texas. A getaway to visit his sister. She recalls sitting on the plane before takeoff, her 9 month old daughter on her lap, and thinking, "Someday this will be a distant memory..." and now it is.

Twenty-four years have passed since that first trip to Texas, there was another the following year, and her understanding of the breakdown is clearer today. There were things she didn't know back then, at least not consciously, that likely contributed to her plight. They say the body knows what the mind can't accept, and there were plenty of reason for her to struggle. Even one of those reasons could have made daily life a challenge, but bunched together they were just too much. The prayers of friends and family carried her through and she emerged stronger on the other side, and when life dished up problems bigger than she could handle alone, God was there helping her through. He's still helping her through today.