The struggle is real, but not the struggle over wishing anyone pain. I never wish pain. I only wish to shield others from pain. Always. Remember those folks in the Bible who got themselves into hot water with God? Guys like Judas... I always hoped they would find a good ending. Always. If a story didn't have a happy ending, it haunted me.People say it isn't good or healthy to live in the past. I'm not always sure exactly what "living in the past" means, but I think there are many times when the well-intentioned simply doesn't know what else to say. Each and every one of us lives in the past to some degree. The past is all we have to go by, and all of its influences make us who we are today. I am who I am, not only because of my natural wiring, but also because of all my past experiences.
I had an ideal childhood, not perfect, but ideal. Since all families deal with some degree of dysfunction, we had some of that too, but mostly there was love, laughter, and a great sense of security. There isn't much I would change about being a kid, but there are quite a few things I'd change for my own kids, if that were possible. In spite of our failures in raising them, our kids have turned out pretty terrific. They deal with deep pain, and sometimes they bleed pain on others. Sometimes they even bleed pain on me, but with all of my heart I wish them healing. And I wish and pray healing for the Cabinetmaker too, because deep inside I will always love him.
What a heartfelt post. Our past really is part of who we are and how we react to things. I try not to dwell on the hurts of the past but know they have shaped who I am today. Beautiful post, Martha. Hugs- Diana
ReplyDeleteTrying not to dwell on the pain, to embrace the beauty, and stretch forward. Sometimes stretching hurts a little too, but it is good for me.
DeleteHugs to you also.
Hope your journey in 2020 brings some healing. Remember that you are responsible for your own healing as you pray for your loved ones to heal. Perhaps some hobbies-I am speaking from experience not mouthing platitudes! Also it takes as long as it takes-no time limits. I do puzzle books and jigsaw, started counted cross stitch again, adult Christian color books, writing, reading, movies on Netfix, journal, walk inside even...
ReplyDeleteIs this "my Brenda" or another?
DeleteYes, healing takes time, lots of it, and I am the one responsible for my own. I am healing. There is a slow and steady movement forward, sometimes painfully slow. Hobbies help. I have my pottery, I do jigsaw puzzles (online and with my sister), I love hikes in warm weather, and I want to paint again too. Bible reading and study are hard, like always, yet I know that God is near. He holds me, and all those I love, in the palm of His hand, and He is good.
P s
ReplyDeleteBible reading and study goes without saying.
I agree with you...our past is always with us but we shouldn't live in the past...sometimes moving forward is hard but as I had said before...baby steps with times of just sitting on ones backside and then crawling. I like how you have stated about your life , children and loves.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely a beautiful work in progress as I am too.
Sue
I am desperately trying to live in the present, to move forward, and have hope for a brighter tomorrow, but many are the moments when my heart breaks, and it happens over and over again. I don't live in misery. I love my job, my church, and my family. I have a beautiful home and I am not alone. God knows exactly what I need and when. I only need to wait on Him, and that is hard.
DeleteYou words could not be truer. We all do live with the past, because it part of who we are. Good, bad or ugly. I think you have shared that it's not where we camp, but use it for wisdom to live each day. You have come such a long way through a terribly rough and dangerous road..but you are moving forward, and I see the grace and healing in your life. God is still working in all of us...like your clay! Love you to the moon and beyond.
ReplyDeleteWeekends are the hardest and by Sunday evening, though I won't be looking forward to hearing my alarm sound, I will be looking forward to little arms around my neck once again. They are one of God's greatest gifts to me and this does not ever go unnoticed.
DeleteThe road has been long, very long, and very hard. If I take a moment to look back, I am reminded that the road beneath my feet is not near as uneven today, and not so dark and scary either. God has me in His hand.
I love you too, Wanda.
I have no clue who your Brenda is lol but we have never met.
ReplyDeleteOkay. Just making sure.
DeleteThank you for your words of encouragement.
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