Letting Go

For since the creation of the world His invisible [attributes] are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, [even] His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,
Romans 1:20

I looked around the house and saw Dad everywhere. Little signs that he loves us and thought, that's just like Jesus. He leaves us little signs everywhere, little signs that He loves us.

I sat by his bed, held his hand in mine and felt the tears well up inside. We listened to visitors talking in the dining room. One mentioned having a place in Florida. Dad glanced my way and said, "Would you ever want to live in Florida?" "No," I said, "Maybe somewhere in between like Tennessee or..." "Or Fairport," he said. I laughed out loud. Fairport is just 20 miles south of my parents' house. This is home and Dad never had any desire to move away.

Though weak and sleepy, he still hears everything. He knows what is going on around him and every once in a while will join in the conversation. He knows each one who comes to the bedroom door, each one who kisses his forehead, each one who stops to reaffirm his or her love. He knows our tears.

It has been a hard weekend. I found myself returning time after time to Dad's bedside this evening, sitting on that chair by the bed, and taking his hand in mine. I was afraid to go home, afraid to leave him, afraid he won't be there when I return, and at the same time praying for his departure. "Lord Jesus, Please take my Dad home." It was all I could say. He can't get up, he can barely talk... Though I miss him terribly already, I am ready to let him go.