He Will Carry Me

Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you.
Isaiah 46:4

There are so many things on my mind that I find it difficult to sleep at night. I am somewhat used to waking up several times a night, but waking up with a racing mind is not restful at all. By the time morning arrives, I am nearly as exhausted as when I climbed into bed the night before. Although I am still reading my Bible before turning off the light, I have neglected to pray, neglected to ask the Father who loves me so much to be with me through the night. In the jumble of thoughts, my prayers have become lost, and yet He continues to carry me, for I am His child and He loves me.

Personality comes into play with Dad's illness. Rachel finds herself continually returning to our childhood home to check on Mom and Dad. She calls often and stops almost daily. She is once again the little girl on the tricycle, repeatedly going back to check on her wounded mother, never quite convinced everything will be okay. I find myself somewhat withdrawn at the moment. With the assertion that our help is not necessary and Dad feeling overwhelmed, I have the tendency to pull back, to feel uncertain, and doubt my own involvement in the process. I am not quite sure how to feel or think. I'm not quite sure where I fit in. I have never doubted my parents love for me or the fact that I am welcome in their home. I know they do not want me to stay away, especially now, but my own insecurities get in the way. I don't have time to wait; if I do I will lose my last opportunities to experience my dad, and yet something holds me back.

The above verse was given to my sister, Priscilla, by a friend just last week. There is comfort in the scripture for every occasion and we find it there now. Where would we be without Him? I can't imagine facing this uncertainty with out the love of God and His arms enfolding us.