S is for Suppose

S is for suppose. (I am supposed to write something before today is over and I'm having a tough time coming up with something... S is for something...)


We had a day of sunshine and showers. It was hot and humid and we spent most of the day inside. I didn't get much cleaning done, and I didn't bake anything. I did do some laundry, wash some dishes, and get a decent dinner on the table. That's something... I suppose. :)

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No Two Days Alike

Today was very different from yesterday, with the exception of still feeling totally tired. I am afraid to watch television for fear I will be "out like a light" in five minutes. I don't want to fall asleep on the couch, but neither do I wish to climb into my bed, sleep for an hour, and then stay awake for the rest of the night. So, I am waiting it out with toothpicks holding my eyelids open. It's almost 8 o'clock. If I can make until 9:30 pm, I will be happy to brush my teeth and slide myself under the covers. Maybe tomorrow will find me feeling more alert. Then again, maybe I won't be fully charged again until my allergies calm down.

Tomorrow will be a clean-the-house-because-it's-been-neglected-far-too-long kind of day. We'll have two little ones to keep and eye on, and we're expecting some rain and thunderstorms, so it might be a good day to stay inside and play catch up with housework. Maybe I'll even bake something. You never know, it could happen. And maybe I'll find the time to take an afternoon nap when the little girls settle down for an hour or so.

The yard, aside from the far east and far west sides, is looking pretty good. By the time it stops raining in a few days, we'll be ready to start mowing all over again. Maybe if we could get all of our lawn mowers going at once, along with a weed whacker, we could actually get it all done at once. Didn't I tell you I like to dream? :)

Rolling in the Grass

There is a reason I did not add "Mow the whole yard in one day" to my list of fancy schmancy summertime things to do. In spite of that little fact, I made a valiant attempt to cut as much grass today as humanly possible. My efforts were thwarted several times, once by a ride on mower that first ran out of gas, and then, after I'd dumped all the remaining gasoline in the little red gas can into its tank, the crazy machine decided not to run at all. I went to the barn and picked out a walk behind mower instead, pulled the string, and started off.

The thing about springtime grass is that it grows at an alarming rate. With three and a half acres of grass to our names, you might say that it often "gets away from us". We could probably run all of our mowers nonstop and just about keep up with the growth. Anyhow, it was still early in the day and I was feeling motivated, so back and forth I went across a small section of lawn with my whirring machine. Then, wouldn't you know it? My push mower ran out of gas too, and off I went to the gas station.

I started the day collecting large amounts of grass in the handy-dandy bag that hangs on the back of the push mower, emptying it into a large wheelbarrow every two or three minutes (literally). On my way to dump the first of my clippings behind the barn, I discovered one of my two wheelbarrow tires was flat. Who made that law that says, "If anything can go wrong, it will" anyway? Good thing this wheelbarrow has two tires.

Did I tell you we have a BIG yard? Well, thankfully I had someone who also decided to pull a walk behind mower out of the barn and help me out a bit. Together James and I managed to mow a large portion of this "sprawling estate" and I am happy to report it is looking much tamer, though not thoroughly domesticated. I am totally exhausted. Is it bedtime yet?

The Gardener

We've been working on our garden. With Hannah's help, we built raised beds and the plants are finally finding their way into the soil. Tonight James and I set out pepper plants, a whole bunch of them. We like peppers. I called him Mr. McGregor, but I think perhaps "Peter Piper" might be more fitting even if we don't plan on pickling any peppers.

Our garden is over-sized this year, not just the two "square-foot" gardens that have kept me happy the past few years. Gardening always brings back memories of Dad and his weedless backyard garden. After working a long day, he would come home and "unwind" by working in the garden where his little girls helped him plant seeds and set vegetable plants, and eventually collect the harvest.

I fear I'm not quite the gardener that my father was, and I'm probably not the gardener that my husband can be either. James has much gentler hands when it comes to tender plants. I am anxious to see what kind of garden this will turn out to be, and envision many summer evenings spent there. I think we're going to have some mighty fine meals in a couple of months.

Adding to My List

I did not put "Attend a concert" on my summer list. None the less, that is our plan for this evening. My Darling called this morning and said, "How would you like to go to a concert tonight?" and so I got online and bought the tickets. We're going to hear Mark Schultz.

I also added two more ideas, "Ride a rollercoaster" and "Take a pottery class". I no longer have my entire life ahead of me (I can tell because I just looked over my shoulder...), so I figure I'd better get some of this done now lest it turn into an actual Bucket List. I did a bit of looking around online and found that pottery classes can be pretty pricey... Better make that one a matter of prayer. At least wine tasting is typically free. And maybe, just maybe, I'd like to eat some watermelon... and some strawberries... and some peaches...

PS. It would be really cool to take another ride on that ship in my header photo... *sigh*

Summer Plans

My son says my list of summer plans shouldn't be called a "Bucket List". I guess that's because a true bucket list, when complete, gives you permission to die, and that is not part of my plan, at least not yet. Perhaps one of you has a fancy shmancy name for the kind of list I'm making, something more fun than "check list".


So anyway, here is my preliminary list of "Things to Do This Summer". We'll make it thirteen things cause it's more cool that way, and besides, that make this post a Thursday Thirteen and you can play the game too. :)

Things to Do This Summer

1. Go to a ball game
2. Hit the beach
3. Camp out over night
4. Go fishing
5. Take a boat ride
6. Visit a waterfall
7.  Have a picnic
8. Go horseback riding
9. Meet a friend for breakfast
10. Buy an ice cream cone
11. Go for a bike ride
12. Play miniature golf
13. Take a hike or two... or three

Some of my ideas are simple, some sound more simple than they really are, and some are simple but haven't happened in years, like the boat ride and ball game. Others might have already happened, but I plan on doing again, like buying an ice cream cone. Anyone want to come along?

R is for Arrrr!

R is for Arrr! That's pirate talk.

I really don't have much to say about pirates, I'm pretty sure they're nasty, smelly creatures, and I've heard they're downright mean! But playing pirates? Well, that sounds like a fun thing to do! I'm fixing to cook up a nice pirate party for my grandkids this summer, a party complete with a Jolly Roger and plenty of stolen loot too! I can hardly wait to watch them walk the plank!!!

PS. These are my adorable pirate nephews a few years ago. Dont'cha just love those beards? Arrrr!

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Dork Day

Have you ever had one those days when no matter who you are with or what you do, you end up feeling like a dork? That was me today. Thankfully, I spent the morning and early part of the afternoon with two of my favorite ladies, my own daughters, who hopefully love me in spite of the fact that I am often a dork.

Today really wasn't all that much different than any other day. I wore my regular clothes and did my hair in the regular way. I said and did "normal" things, nothing wildly out of the ordinary, except that I wore my invisible "Dork Hat", the one that makes me afraid I've said or done something really... dorky. The Dork Hat drops onto my head on those days when I am especially tired and a bit out of sorts, sometimes hormonal, but I don't think that was today's problem... unless they're residual hormones...

Whatever the problem was, I knocked that hat right off my head as soon as I felt it drop. (Hannah and I had gone to Bethany's house late this morning with a mission to make chocolate pie for the dear girl who cut my hair last month. The pie making was a success and I miraculously found Amanda home when I stopped to make the delivery. I caught her by surprise, a good surprise.) So anyway, when that hat dropped onto my head, Hannah and I were on the way home. I was feeling overly drowsy (she was driving) and decided to take a nap as soon as I got home. It's usually a good cure for feeling dorky.

Help in the Battle

Mother's Day is behind us for another year... or is that Mother's Day is a year ahead? Either way it won't be back until next year and in between now and then is another whole year to love, cherish, and encourage the mothers in our lives, whether they be our own or the mom of someone else. We moms know that we could all use a bit of encouragement now and then, and I don't know where I would be in this journey of motherhood without my fellow moms who love and encourage me. Just last week I had a friend say that God has a hold on a particular child of mine, and He isn't letting go. It was just what I needed to hear at that particular moment because, even though deep inside moms never give up, I was feeling discouraged and defeated.

There is a Bible story where during a certain battle, as long as Moses kept his arms raised, Joshua and  the children of Israel prevailed, but when he lowered them, the enemy prevailed. I don't know if you have ever tried to keep your arms raised for an extended period of time (we did it in Sunday school once), but it isn't long before your arms and shoulders ache. Thankfully, Moses was provided a support system. But Moses' hands [became] heavy; so they took a stone and put [it] under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. So Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword. Exodus 17:12-13

Moms are a lot like Moses (and Joshua). We need help from our friends; friends who will support our arms when we become weary in the battle. Rather than gawk at those who are struggling, we would do good to lend words of encouragement, acts of love, and a whole lot of prayer. We can't fight the battle alone. We need each other for support.

PS. I stole a picture from my beautiful daughter. :)

A Birthday Party

Yesterday my Aunt Margie celebrated her 80th birthday. My cousins couldn't let the occasion slip by without a party, and so today we gathered with friends and family for a celebration. It was a very nice party. I took advantage of the occasion to get a picture of my mom with both her brother and her sister.

Happy Birthday, Aunt Margie!

Mother's Day

I've decided Mother's Day is not one of my favorite holidays. Once upon a time it was, but it isn't anymore. I could do without Mother's Day. It only leaves me feeling incomplete, confused, and missing my mom.

In spite of my "bad attitude" con- cerning this holiday set aside to honor mothers, I am grateful to have had a mother, and I am thankful for all the wonderful childhood memories that go along with being her child; walks through the woods, the reading of stories, the baking of cakes and cookies, and songs sung. I am honored to have been a mother, complete with a house full of wildly screaming children, ruckus laughter, and revolting midnight messes.

I miss the family gatherings we enjoyed just a few years back. I hate that my children can't get along and simply love and accept each other for who they are in spite of the differences between them. I long to have them all in one photograph again, making silly faces and acting all goofy. I pray that one day we can come together as a family and be a family once again. Until then Mother's Day will always bring a pang of sadness to this momma's heart.

PS. Although it looks from these two pictures as though they were all little at once, Josiah was likely either just born or not quite here yet when the top photo was taken. Jim, my oldest, was nearly 14 when Hannah was born.)

Sunshine and Rain (or the lack of it)

Dark clouds filled the western sky this morning. I secretly resigned myself to rain and breathed a sigh of relief. I could stay inside with no regrets, no small child begging to play outside, no wondering what to do with the baby who came to stay for the day, but somehow, though the sky threatened repeatedly, the rain never came. I stayed inside anyway and baked a loaf of gluten free sandwich bread and made a wedding card, a very late one, for my son and his new bride, and I took a nap while my two little ones slept.

Tuesday afternoon Rocky and I took a short walk back into the orchard. She was carrying a handful of drooping dandelions and insisted that I hold her wrist as we walked so that I wouldn't "run away and get lost". I held her "hand" for most of our walk but eventually decided to cut the string. I didn't run off and neither did she, and we managed to make it back home without any major incidents.

Although the rain never arrived, a cool mist did roll in off the lake this afternoon, shrouding the orchard in a thick fog. It really is a pretty sight on an otherwise crisp and sunny afternoon. It was one of those afternoons where the lake, which on other sunny days appears sapphire on the horizon, disappears altogether. (The pictures are from earlier this week.)

This Side of the Grass

I took Mom to see Dr. Lerner again today. He gave her an updated eyeglass prescription and told her he wanted to see her again in six months. Then he said he would want to see her again a year after that if he was "still on this side of the grass". I couldn't help but laugh because I'd never heard it put that way before. "Every two days, every two weeks, every two months..." he said. Every day is a gift, especially when a 94th birthday is just around the corner.
"How's Martha?" he asked my mother, his back toward me.

"I'm good," I answered, and he turned around.

"I remember you from when you were a little girl," he said.

I knew he remembered, and he knew I knew. He was the one who did my eye surgery so many years ago when I was so small, probably just three or four years old. I'd seen him in my early twenties when my eyes were driving me batty. He had been at the memorial service for my grandfather in 1999, and again made an appearance when my father died ten years later in 2009. Back then I blogged, "I saw him right away when he entered the church cafe and went to greet him. He held my hand, spoke kind words and lingered long. I felt the tenderness in his touch. Known for being harsh and gruff, there was no sign of anything but gentleness and sympathy."

Today he gave me a hug and kissed my cheek as I hugged him back. There is a good possibility I may never see him again, and it almost felt like a final goodbye. It almost makes me sad, but then again, he doesn't appear to be headed off the scene anytime soon. Last night I came upon a quote, "I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair." - Alfred Lord Tennyson. I think this fits my friend Dr. Lerner quite well, and I hope when we return to his office next fall that he will still be "on this side of the grass".

PS. How do you like my bucketful of deadheaded daffodils?

Q is for Quiver

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So [are] the children of one's youth. Happy [is] the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:4-5

Q is for quiver. A quiver is a container for arrows, bolts, or darts (or to shake or move with a slight trembling motion).

My husband and I had what you might call "a quiverful" of children, just seven (see my blog address...) We both endured and enjoyed many years of little people running, screaming, laughing, terrorizing, and making our house and lives full of action and activity. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but there were days I honestly wanted to put them all in the deep freeze so I could get a few days rest. (I guess you could say I quivered at my quiverful...)

I've heard it said that different folks have quivers of different sizes. That makes sense to me. I have friends with far more children than us, and obviously, have plenty of friends with far fewer. I even have friends who have no children of their own, yet make a profound impact on the children of others. I think it must take a pretty special person to invest so much time solely in the lives of other people's children and to love them as though they were their own.


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The To Do List

Tonight when I crawl into bed, I can be thankful for the gift of today's "to do" list. I made cookies and packed them into a box headed for Chicago. I wrote thank you notes and mailed them. I did laundry and actually put clothes away, and I filled a bag destined for Goodwill. (It's in my van.) We had dinner on time, and after supper went out back and worked on our vegetable garden together.

It was another gorgeous day and when I headed up to the post office, I took my camera along. A week of warm weather brings about abundant change. The orchards, cherry and apple, are coming to life. The blossoms don't last long so we must drink in the scene while it lasts.

My animals have been loving springtime too. I think my cats even like flowers, especially Oreo.

For those who might wonder, it was a better day. :)

On Coming Home

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,

Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;

One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,

So bravely run the race till we see Christ.

Coming home from vacation has been tough for me. The lifting of emotional and mental stresses was so profound, that working back into the groove of "normal" life has proven to be a challenge. You just might say I've been a little bit on the cranky side. (Okay, I've been a lot on the cranky side... ) Quite honestly, I could have stayed away for weeks and been perfectly content. This is me being honest. I'm having a hard time with this season of life and I often find myself feeling panicky.

They say one day it will will be worth it all, but it's hard to see that day from here. Instead I live with unspoken thoughts, fears, and feelings, and find myself searching desperately for an escape hatch that doesn't exist.

What I really need to do is pick up my 1000 Gifts Journal again. I need to list all those seeming insignificant blessings that God sprinkles into each and every day of my life; cherry trees in bloom, sunlight on barn boards, and green chile powder. I need a tangible record of God's hand in my life; faces on tree trunks, a yard full of tulips, a Minnesota wedding, and meeting my friend Kristina.

If I am honest, I am more than blessed. I have every reason in the world to be grateful, and should be ashamed that I am often not.This is a God-given struggle I face. He knows what is best for me and through all of the difficulty, He is still there (another reason to be thankful). He knows what I need, and He will provide a time of escape.

Another blessing? The lesson of my favorite tulip. If God cares so much for flowers, He must love me too. The tulip I feared might never recover is beautiful again! Perhaps there is hope for me too. :)

PS. Click on that tree photo and check out his face.

Minnesota (Part Four)

Just for fun, some random pictures...

Minnesota (Part Three)

You'll be sick and tired of Minnesota soon if you aren't already.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so maybe I'll keep the words few and just post photos. Ask questions if you want any information.

Driveway/ road to the farm

Decor

My downfall

Lukie's first love

Dan, the best man, dances with Jim, much to the amusement of his daughters

The blessed couple

Some Thoughts

Being in Minnesota made everything in the world seem okay. It was easy to forget about the Boston Marathon bombing and the explosions in West, Texas and pretend that the only thing that mattered was warm, sunny weather and a family wedding, but there are still people desperately hurting, and the events in Boston still hit too close to home.

One of the families injured in the blast come from my home town. Webster seems to have become battered and bruised the past couple years... The family affected are not personal friends of mine, but easily could have been. The grown children were homeschooled, and their mother, the one actually running in the marathon, is familiar to me. I was introduced to her this past year, I can't remember exactly where, but I think it was at church, maybe a graduation party or something.

I've read a couple of the daughter's blogs lately (The Marathon Ahead and cragsandclay). They give an intensely personal view into the lives of those affected by the blasts, and they are a reminder to me that I need to be more prayerful and abundantly more grateful for the blessings in life.

Minnesota (Part Two)

The real reason for our trip to Minneapolis was a wedding...

Our son Jim met his bride Michele a little over a year ago. On April 26, 2012 they started dating, and a year and a day later sealed their love with the bond of marriage. I have to admit this was one of the most beautiful weddings I have been privileged to enjoy. I knew it was a wedding that would make me teary, but the tissues I expected to find in the front row were nonexistent. Instead I held back the best I could and brushed away the few tears that managed to escape in spite of my best efforts. (Now I can cry in the privacy of my own home while watching and listening to the wind whipped video instead.)

Perhaps the most touching part of this union was hearing emotion in both the bride's and groom's voice as they recited their personal words to each other. (I don't know if I'd really call them vows...) Knowing that my dear son has someone special to have and to hold, that he is no longer lonely and alone, means everything to me. I wish this for each one of my children and pray that in His time God will bring that special person into each one of their lives.

Michele, who picked her wedding date months ago, must have a special con- nection with the Maker of the Heavens. She (and all of us too) was blessed with an incredibly beautiful outdoor wedding sandwiched between two snowstorms. Kristina called it a "miracle". Temperatures were in the seventies and above for the duration of our stay. The weather couldn't have been nicer had it been July!

(Photos are from the rehearsal on Friday evening, but Saturday was just as gorgeous with a touch more wind. Being mother of the groom made actual ceremony photos difficult for me, besides Ben was using my camera to take a video. I can't wait to see what shots the actual photographer captured!)

Minnesota (Part One)

Every time I sit down to write, my mind gets all jumbled and the words end up in a traffic jam before ever spilling out onto the page. My already overloaded brain doesn't quite know how to process all that I took in over the past weekend... First of all were the days leading up to our departure, which left my mind reeling and my body sleep deprived. For all the tension and lost sleep, I should have been gone at least a month!

Our plane flew out of Rochester, NY a little after 6am on Friday. We were delayed slightly by some late passengers due to the Southwest airport computer terminals being down. Half our traveling group boarded the plane late making my already frayed nerves begin to unravel. When Nate and Sabrina, and Josh and Adam were safely on board, I breathed a big sigh of relief, and I'm sure they did too.

We rented a huge vehicle once we arrived in Minneapolis and fit all seven of us (we picked up James' sister Kathy there), all our luggage, and several bags of groceries into a Suburban for the ride down to Montgomery where we cooked up a huge batch of chili con carne and green chile stew for Jim and Michele's rehearsal dinner. By the time dinner was over, my head was throbbing and, along with Nate and Sabrina, I turned into bed early and listened from the dark of the bedroom to the bustle of activity in the barn's basement.

On Saturday morning James and Kathy ran out to the store for something to make for breakfast and came back with a load of bacon, eggs, orange juice, and corn tortillas. I made a call to my longtime blog friend Kristina, and we eventually decided the best way to get some time together was for her to drive out to the farm where we could share a cup of coffee and talk or take a walk around the grounds.

Kristina arrived not long after I had stepped outside into the warm morning air (a Minnesota miracle this time of year) when she drove in. I waved and when she stepped out of the car, we each gave the other a big hug. There were introductions she'll never remember and several hours of walking about, looking through the barn, and sitting in the sun getting to know each other in person. "Yea!" Later that day I found I had sat enjoying the sun and cool breeze a bit too long and was blessed with a fine Minnesota sunburn just in time for the wedding (blush). It's now becoming a very nice tan and I have a head start on my New York summer.

PS. After my visit with Kristina, I found my headache had disappeared and all the tension had miraculously  evaporated.