Life is Strange

 Winter is a time of reflection. We're pretty much cooped up inside. There's no snow to speak of and the dampness feels colder than if it were ten degrees below freezing. To top it off there's a nasty virus going around and we don't have the freedom to go out and about in quite the same way afforded us last year. You might think it's the events of last week that are bouncing about in my little mind, but my brain is not focused on Washington DC. I don't need to concentrate any thinks on things I can't change. There are enough other thinks to keep me awake at night, but most nights I don't have any trouble sleeping. It's typically my bladder waking me up. Ha!
 

Life is strange. I'm desperately trying to be okay with being alone (single) for the remainder of my life, to give all my hopes and dreams, past and present, into the hands of God, to trust Him for everything I need. He's already proven time and again that He knows just what I need even before I realize there is a need. My heart aches. I'm told it will always ache, and I'm sure there are those who think I've gotten just what I deserve, and yet I only did what I had to do. But God knows, and even while I argued with Him He was providing. He is providing, bringing the right individuals into my life while removing others. It's a painful process. I can't say I always understand or that there aren't tears. Each loss brings pain and I must trust the loss will bring healing also, even while I grieve, even while I don't understand. I think it's okay of I cry because He knows how sorrow feels, and that tears are healing.

I never envisioned being alone. It's a new concept, partly brought on by the empty nest but mostly by the "infidelity" that resulted in my leaving. My friend Dan has encouraged me to enjoy the solitude. He says you begin to enjoy it after a while. I'm doing better with it, but it's still hard, especially here at home. Not so hard down at the lake or in the woods, and not so bad in the kitchen at work, but home alone it can be excruciating. I'm still working on acceptance, and still thankful I'm not completely alone.

(I stopped at the pottery studio Saturday afternoon and found a surprise on my shelf. It was my missing planter! I glazed everything I had left waiting back in the spring. Now I wait for the "kiln master" to fire them.)