Tuesday, September 24, 2019

I'm Fine. How Are you?

I've had some fabulous days the past few weeks. Even answered "Super!" when someone asked me how I was. (I am practicing not saying "okay" when someone says, "How are you?") I am still fabulous compared to where I was emotionally a few years ago, but last night and tonight I found myself feeling teary all over again.

My oldest son turned 38 today. (Yes, I did just post this picture last week.) He's closing in on 40 and even though we're less than 20 years apart, it still makes me feel... just slightly old, or at least racing that direction much too quickly. I am ever so grateful to have spent five days with him a week and a half ago, but I think a mom will always miss her kid on his birthday...

And then, Saturday will mark ten years since my dad's passing. I haven't been dwelling on it, haven't pulled up any of his music or pulled his old flannel shirt out of the closet (hadn't even thought of it til now), but ten years sounds so long. Can it really be possible that ten years have passed since I sat next to him and knew his time was near? He still feels so close...

Feeling emotional made me long to go home and sit on my couch... except I share this home and I don't have a couch of my own. And that made me emotional all over again, even though most days I don't even think about it.

How am I? I am growing. I am learning new things, and doing things that are hard. My heart is full when the toddlers at work surround me looking for hugs, kisses, and gentle words. I am smiling when I recall the coworker who said, "Martha, you just made my day!" because I left  a note in the break room that said, "Pumpkin Spice creamer in the kitchen fridge. Happy Fall!" I have my room, and my bed, and my daughter and her family downstairs, and I am more then blessed. And tonight I had the rare and wonderful opportunity to sit and listen to a free Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra concert following my small group meeting at church. Just like a cherry on top!

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