Saturday, February 25, 2023

And That's the Way It Is

It's been a little bit of an off week. At the beginning of February I wondered why I was feeling tense and chalked it up to it being the middle of winter. Since February is such a cold, bleak time of year, and no major milestones were coming to mind, I figured that was the answer... and this week I remembered my mother's passing at the end of February nine years ago. (How can it be nine years already? Didn't I just post about her moving in with us?) Nine years... Ugh. It's harder today than it was at the time.

My daughter had exciting news this week when she was contacted by a sought after family member. She couldn't stop smiling. She is quite the internet sleuth. She's getting answers to questions and there is great satisfaction in her recent accomplishment. It also comes with some sticky situations attached. She will need wisdom in moving forward but I have complete confidence in her ability to be both kind and truthful.

I had a therapist appointment just before our recent "severe weather." It was suggested that perhaps I should write a letter to each member of my family, including James. The letters aren't meant to be sent. They are simply intended to help me sort, clarify, and process thoughts and emotions. The empathetic me is often disabled emotionally by those closest to me. I no longer fall apart over what may be the feelings of others but there is still work to be done.

School was in recess for Presidents Week the past several days and our routines at the daycare became entirely unpredictable. Though I'd like to envision myself as flexible and compliant, the truth is that I hate unstable and inconsistent routines. I want to know what I'm doing and who I am doing it with. The upside to a changed routine is I got to spend an entire day with my friend Mara on Thursday. She will be two in May.

I have working headlights! My son Ben came over on Tuesday and put the new bulb in for me, just in time for this week's ice and snow storm.

The bowl I had ready to be fired, the one with the funky glaze job, has been altered, Someone tried to help me "fix" the glaze and poured more over it. Ugh. Another lesson in letting go of expectations. I am now uncertain how to proceed with it. I'd really been looking forward to seeing how it turned out. Oh, well.

My room is progressing. Sergio has been replacing insulation. Soon it will be ready for new paneling.


  1. Hi Martha. I was following you when your mum moved in with you. It is hard to believe how quickly time flies by.

    Writing those letters will be very therapeutic. About 4 months after my first husband passed away I went to a weekend retreat with others that had also lost a spouse either by death or separation/divorce. On the last day we had to write a letter to that person and we had a ceremony where we burned those letters and it was very powerful I can tell you. Lots of tears and for me the start of healing. It’s a lot of hard work and you are doing really well. Everyone has their own journey 🥰🥰

    Like you I’m sick of winter 🥶 Bring on spring AND your lovely new bedroom!! That’s too bad about your bowl……..😔 Have a good day!

    Marilyn from Canada 🇨🇦

    1. Marilyn, time is a crazy thing. It only gains momentum. I'm working on the letters. Well, the first one anyway.

      The bedroom is going to be fabulous. And the bowl will be great too, just not what I was originally thinking.

  2. ...I hope that the remodeling is going well.

  3. Martha, I really love how you are moving forward. Sometimes it's with stuttering steps but you can do it. The letters can be very cathartic and healing. Take your time and do them as the Spirit leads. Very glad your bedroom is coming along. You will be so happy when its all done. That bowl will be your making "lemons into lemonade" for you.
    Certainly hope your winter will move into Spring soon.

    1. Spring is on its way. Winter never gives up without a fight but its days are numbered.

      I've been working on one of the letters. I find it hardest to be truthful even though they aren't meant for anyone but me. That bowl! Yes. Ha ha!

  4. I like the idea of writing a letter to family members, not to send them but to clarify our emotions. I hope your bowl turns out pretty even with that extra glaze.