Halfway through yesterday afternoon, in the midst of party preparations, I was struggling to keep my eyes open. I tried shutting them on purpose, but sleep didn't come and my mind kept going over all I had to do to be ready for Hannah's party. Finally, after two cups of coffee and the arrival of a few guests, I began to come back to life again.
I'm pretty sure Hannah was blessed by the party this year. I worked hard to make up for my lack of giving her even a small birthday gathering last year. Many times through the past 12 months I've bought her something and told her with a smile, "It's for your birthday," but nothing really beats a genuine birthday celebration. Oreo joined us for the picnic and found some guests sympathetic to a famished yet friendly feline.
There were enough young people for a game of Ultimate Frisbee on the far side of the yard. It was fun to watch.
I have to say, one of the biggest blessings for me was having my family together for a family gathering and feeling like we are whole again. We were missing Joe, who had to work, and Jim and Michele who live too far away, but otherwise we were together; kids and significant others, grandkids, and friends. Made me miss my mom and dad but I'm pretty sure if they could see us, they'd be smiling too.
Thank you, Hannah, for being part of our lives, for wishing for a "surprise" party, and blessing us just by being you.
Yesterday afternoon was my sweet Aubrey's birthday party. Hannah and Idris came a little late. It had started to rain a little. He was all dressed and ready to join the other kids in the pool, but Hannah wasn't especially wanting to go in herself. He was wearing a life vest as well as swimmies on his arms. She thought he should try it on his own, but he was too afraid. He lay on the deck, eyes closed, a distraught look, and tears rolling down his cheeks. I sensed trouble, so I squatted beside him, stroked his cheek, and heard myself say, "Idris, do you want me to go in with you?" I expected resistance, but his eyes opened and he accepted my offer.
Although I had a swim suit in my car, I wasn't about to run for it and change my clothes. I rarely wear shorts, but the heat and humidity had inspired me to change just before leaving home that day and I was wearing denim shorts and an "acceptable when wet" shirt. I stepped down the ladder into the warm water, followed by a small, dark haired boy who tumbled in after me. His face lit up with a smile and I melted a little inside. He was still quite apprehensive, looking for my hand and turning often to make sure I was still the beside him. We enjoyed the water for about 20 minutes or so before thunder rumbled in the distance and we had to get out. It was about five minutes later that Leta asked someone where her phone was... and I realized mine had been in my pocket during the entire swim! What's done is typically done and there isn't much use in fretting. I pulled my wet phone from my pocket and saw the screen light up. (I had hope.) I asked if someone could put it in a bag of rice for me and determined to enjoy the rest of the party.
The rain really came down yesterday and it was pouring when I left the party. At home I opened the front garage door and sat out there with my computer, reading a Kindle book and watching the rain. I felt a deep sense of peace inside, one I haven't felt in a very long time. I was relaxed for once with nothing pressing, no obligations calling or internal voices shouting. I took some time to soak in the moment and let God still my heart. Today I am feeling a bit of stress, because today I did something new and difficult. Today I feel a little uneasy and uncertain, but today I am okay too because I know God holds me in His hand and He is good.
