Feeling Accomplished

It's done. I have a new filling where an old one used to be. It was entirely exhausting but I survived.

Dental phobia is not fun. I have put the appointment out of my mind for the past couple of weeks. The work had to be done, and worrying wasn't going to change it. The only sign of anxiety was my lack of focus and lowered patience level today. I realized this when I thought to myself, "Wow, Martha! You're amazingly calm..." followed by, "Oh, wait... Maybe that's why you feel totally detached from this job today..." I was customarily disconnected from the anxiety on the outside, yet churning on the inside where even I couldn't see. A little dissociation perhaps?

The appointment went well, even if it did take multiple needle pokes to finally numb my jaw and tooth enough to complete the task. (I lost count of how many but it was at least six.) I knew enough, thanks to a good memory and my sister's comment about her own tooth (on the opposite side of her mouth) that "never gets numb" to speak up.  I'll admit that I didn't like her comment. She was supposed to reassure me, tell me that everything would be fine and I wouldn't feel a thing. But she didn't, and it was probably a good thing because that was on my mind when I walked into the office today and instead of saying nothing, I told them how that tooth did not like to go to sleep. I told them about the dentist who filled it when I was a child and my fear of having it worked on, and found them to be very patient and kind. Even after multiple attempts and a very numb lip, I could still feel when the drill hit a certain spot, but it was tolerable, mostly because I knew they had done everything possible and were still being gentle and kind. Finally the drilling was over and the cavity filled. It's been 3 1/2 hours since I left the office and I still have a numb spot on my lip. Ha ha!

I had so much Novocaine and was so exhausted that I felt a little drunk getting out of the chair. I actually had to catch myself on the wall as I rounded the corner, but I quickly recovered and drove home without getting pulled over for a sobriety test. LOL! I get to go back Monday to have my teeth cleaned. I can't wait! Ha ha!

It's Not Friday Yet

Today was my dentist appointment; the long dreaded, but not really so terrible, exam. It was a series of fancy x-rays without the expected poking and prodding of dentist appointments past. I've gone years (once 20) without having my teeth cleaned or my oral cavity examined. It's childhood dental trauma. The sound of the drill is terrifying even if it's only buzzing in the memory of a ten year old me. The tooth wasn't fully numbed and I had walked to the dentist's office alone... One particular tooth has never liked to sleep and, of course this is the tooth that needs a filling replaced... I keep telling myself that things are different now, that it will be over soon, but deep inside I'm still afraid. 

In other news, two of my boys left home early Tuesday morning on the adventure of a lifetime. They hit a snag on the west coast and I got a Tuesday evening call from a very tired and discouraged guy on the other side of the country. I did my best to hear his plight without adding grief, and to encourage without being trite. I'll admit to a bit of tossing and turning between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, but I was smiling when the same son called the next day with news that they were on the road. The smile grew even bigger when I saw Mt Rainier on one of their Instagram accounts. (I can share, right?) While the mom piece still feels anxious, I am so excited for them.

Back in the olden days, when children wrote research papers in cursive with black or blue ink, the 5th grade Martha was assigned a written report. Each member of our class was designated a National Park on which to write. There were no fancy computers to take us on an imaginary journey. Instead we trudged down the hall to the school library, dug through the card catalog, searched the shelves, and poured over books. I did not enjoy doing research or taking notes. I hated writing reports, and yet somewhere in my bedroom, hidden away in stacks of papers saved is my report on Olympic National Park in the state of Washington. I have to admit I am just a tad jealous. Ha ha!

I'm checking in daily with Leo the Cat who today greeted me with a "Meow" when I opened the door this afternoon and called his name. I'm sure he wonders what in the world happened to his "Cat Dad" and he told me he has no idea what I'm referring to when I tell him he once stayed overnight at my house. He likes his fur brushed and, according to my son, I should also "give him hugs and kisses" and "lovingly call him mean names." I seriously considered staying overnight at the apartment just to keep Leo company, but here I am at home instead. 

It was a short work week with a staff meeting squeezed in on Tuesday. Tomorrow we're closed for Good Friday. I'm still working through my list of appointments. Colonoscopy should have been checked off this week along with the dentist appointment, but I had to reschedule. Next Tuesday I start my new class at the pottery studio. I hear we're going to be making cups. Not quite as intimidating as lidded vessels... Therapist on Wednesday. Yup, I'm still going. Don't always need to, but it's still profitable as I continue to learn about Martha. because understanding myself is always beneficial.

Just Some Stuff

I have managed to fill up my days off. Had my teeth cleaned this morning. They conveniently added a "periodic oral evaluation" charge and added $32 to my bill after I'd already told them I didn't want any more "cavity check" x-rays because I didn't have the money. I had x-rays done in September. I've told them I'm self-pay and I am annoyed at the fact that I'm not told up front of any extra charges. Of course, I'm not smart enough to complain while I'm still in the office, so what do I do? Come home and send them an email. (Blah.)

I have a haircut appointment with an old friend. this afternoon We knew each other once upon a time in what feels like a different life. She and I once volunteered at a Crisis Pregnancy Center together almost 30 years ago. She also used to cut my hair but I haven't seen her in quite some time. We have been playing Scrabble on Facebook. I decided to give her a call last week.

This evening I will be meeting another friend for a light meal and a bit of a visit. We both missed a Community Bible Study lesson and thought we might go over the missed one together. It makes a good excuse to catch up.

Tomorrow my sister and I will be meeting with a surgeon to discuss our brother's possible future hernia surgery. It's not an emergency, he just wants us to be informed in case it comes to that point. I am not in a hurry to subject him to any unnecessary procedures, especially something major that he may not understand. But, we are his advocates and we are the ones who will give consent if it comes to that end. Maybe when we're done with our meeting we can go on a nice long walk. I've been needing one of those.

And because I need to post photographs, a few more from the backyard last night.

A New Look at Bits and Pieces

Because it sounds so much more negative than I meant it to. Every life comes with bumps and challenges. It's how one looks at them that makes the difference. I'm still smiling and even finding some of it mildly entertaining, though you may not have been able to tell by yesterday's post. Please forgive me. I'm learning as I go.

* Grateful for a chiropractor friend who is helping me with the aches and pains that had settled into my neck and back. I'm feeling put together again and that is wonderful!

* Our almost sixteen year old cat wandered off and crossed the Rainbow Bridge sometime this past weekend. She was much loved and I'll miss her, but I'm glad her suffering is over.

* I spent this Tuesday at the hospital with my friend from the nursing home. She was quiet for much of the day, but kept us entertained by singing made up songs in the evening. I found out the gift shop at Highland Hospital has some pretty awesome oatmeal cookies.

* I mustered up some courage the other day and made an appointment with the dentist here in town. I discovered I have an intense dentophobia, even though I really do like the dentist himself. I'm trying to look at it as an exercise in courage.

* The rooster remains for now. He is a good protector, but is a bit confused as to who actually presents a danger. Small boys and middle aged grandmothers are not a danger to either his his "manhood" or his flock. I'm collecting up some delicious recipes like Coq au Vin for when the moment arrives. Everyone likes chicken.

* The hens are laying eggs every day now. We have a nice little collection and this morning The Trio was able to gather a few to take home too. Each child got two eggs. How cool is that?

Bits and Pieces

* I've been to the chiropractor twice in the past week. Had a four day headache last week and one of my Facebook friends' comment was "Ya know..." I finally gave in and made an appointment with him and found someone who doesn't leave me hanging in the waiting room for 45 minutes. Love that, and the fact that he is an old friend is a plus too. I go back again tomorrow.

* Little Cat has not been seen for the past few days... I fear she will not return.

* Spent 8 hours at the hospital yesterday, but not because I was ill or hurt. My friend from the nursing home is there recuperating from a recent surgery. (And I thought sitting in the nursing home was hard. That hospital chair is probably why my neck and back are hurting again today...)

* Yesterday I made an appointment with the dentist and decided this is definitely my phobia. I am petrified. I kid you not, I don't remember the last time I was there, but know the secretary called me to fill in a cancellation the last few times I did go. You can pray for me. My appointment isn't until mid-September and already want to cry. I love the dentist himself, just hate the equipment he has.

* Bubba (the rooster) is still with us. For now. He did chase my six year old grandson down to the blueberry patch on Saturday, but I didn't find that out until hours later. Simon was grinning when he told me. "I didn't hear you screaming." I replied. He just kept grinning and said, "I didn't scream, I just ran." And to confirm his story The Grandfather told me that he had found the rooster down in the blueberry patch just prior to shutting him in the coop for the afternoon. Ugh.

* On a positive note, we are collecting eggs now, and eating them too. There are typically about 6-8 small brown eggs arriving daily. How cool is that? Now if I could just tell which one of them is the ceramic one...