Character Defects

I took a brave and fearless step last night and wrote a letter to our step study leaders. I had to do it. For me. And for those who will come after me... "One of my greatest character defects is not standing up for and advocating for Martha, and so today I am asking God to remove that defect. Today I choose, with His help, to advocate for myself in a way previously neglected, and I am starting with what transpired on Sunday morning."  In CoDA I learned that my journey to recovery is my own. I go at my own pace, in my own time. There is no "right way" to work the steps. "I emphasize progress over perfection."

Today was a good day. I went to sleep after emailing my letter last night. It was still relatively early, but I was emotionally exhausted and sleep came easy. I had a good day at work. My boss had forgotten to take the turkey roll home to be sliced yesterday, but I heard God whisper in my ear to take my Mandoline Slicer along with me this morning and the kids had turkey sandwiches after all. At my last shift in the baby room I had the pleasure of cleaning up an incredible blow-out. One I might have referred to several years ago as "The Babysitter Test." This small boy ended up in a sink of soapy water. It was that bad. Ha ha! This evening I ate dinner with my beautiful Bethany and her family and then we went for a walk around the block. Well, Jilly and I walked. Jake rode his bike and Beth was dragged around the neighborhood by her dog.

 I am okay. I am learning, and God is showing me He is still right here with me, providing for my needs, and holding me firm when strong winds threaten to knock me down and suck my strength away.

The LORD is a mighty tower where his people can run for safety--
Proverbs 18:10 CEV

The Babysitter Test.

Do you remember this game?

I am quite accustomed to small children and their messes. In the past seven months I've been drooled on, peed on, spit up on, and boogered. I've had baby poop on my cheek. (Be careful when you smell them.) I've caught a blanket full of puke, and cleaned up utter blow-outs. It's part of the joy of working in the Infant Room. Needless to say I wasn't too concerned about spending the evening with my small grandson.

I cooked his oatmeal, fed him his supper, and we played with some toys. Soon it was bath time. He's over a year so I decided to forgo the baby bath and put him right into the tub. He seemed to like the bath and didn't cry when I washed and rinsed his hair. He looked at his toys and babbled at me. I heard a small noise and thought he  must have passed a bit of gas but didn't see any bubbles... I should have paid a little more attention. Maybe I should have investigated sooner, but other than the little noise there wasn't any sign of trouble. And then I saw it. It was poop.

Even seasoned moms panic a little when there are things floating around the bathtub that shouldn't be there... I mean, it's not like you can just say, "Well, the bath's over now, I'll just get you dressed." Nope. He was contaminated and now the contaminated child had to be removed from the tub and contained, the tub drained and disinfected, the toys bleached, and the boy re-bathed. When I couldn't get the tub drain opened (It has a plug that screws into place... Recall there are "things" in the water I don't want to handle...) I had to let go of the squirming child who then found the toilet lid to be a grand toy. I had to reach into the  poop infested water over and over until I finally got the drain plug loosened. To my initial horror, half the poo went down the drain with the water. Later I was relieved and thankful I was able to wash the rest of it down as well. Then I had to pick up the contaminated child, contaminating myself even further, and find my bottle of bleach with which to disinfect the bathtub so I could re-bathe the boy. We both survived. Putting him to bed was actually more traumatic than the bath. One more Babysitter Test to my account.