Sunday, January 15, 2023

Along the Way

 

The healing journey is long and incremental. I’ve done a bit of self sabotage along the way, picked up jagged, bloody pieces of my heart, sewn together torn memories, and walked steadfastly toward a new and different life. It isn’t what I’d once imagined… how could I have imagined this?… I didn’t imagine being single, I’m not sure I like being single, and yet with single comes uncomplicated simplicity that I do like. What my heart aches for most is connection, but today’s perception of connection looks vastly different from yesterday’s. I’m not looking for someone with all the answers. I’m not looking for a decision-maker. I’m not looking for control, moral superiority, or scripture quotations. Somewhere there must be another individual with questions, an admission of imperfections, and the ability to accept others who aren’t at the same point on the path. If I have learned anything these past few years it’s that it is okay to ask questions, to revise my perspectives, and to allow others the same privilege. I am so very grateful for those who share this road with me.

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7 comments:

  1. photowannabe11:04 AM, January 15, 2023

    Your ending sentences say it all. Yes it is ok to do the things you said. You are a surviver Martha.
    Sue

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  2. Wanda6:28 PM, January 15, 2023

    Life is so bittersweet, Martha. For all the heartache, broken promises, failure of family and friends, personal and emotion pain that is SO REAL, I look at the picture of your children and the long list of grandchildren and I see there is a bright spot in all your tragety and hurt. I'm not minimizing your journey, I just see that you have a wonderful generation to influence and mentor. Your grandchildren. I see you doing that in your photo's and it makes me smile. You get to celebrate a ton of birthday, haha. It so reminds me of the verse that says, " In this world YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE, but I have ovecome the world, and that same Jesus, lives in us. Praise God from whom all blessing flow. OK sermon over, should I take an offering...haha. Thanks for listening to this old woman. You know I love you like a daughter!!!

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    Replies
    1. Martha8:58 PM, January 15, 2023

      If I had never known pain, I wouldn't know how blessed I am either. An offering? Sure, why not? ha ha!
      I would sit and listen to you all day long. I love you so much.

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    2. Wanda12:55 PM, January 16, 2023

      Ditto ~ Love you too.

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  3. Anonymous5:00 PM, January 17, 2023

    Martha you have come a long way in your journey. After my first husband passed away I learned a lot. I learned when you go into that pit of darkness and grief and claw your way out, the next time you go there you don’t go quite as far even though it feels like it. It’s as though it has slippery sides and down you slide. It’s such hard work this grief thing, but with a lot of work you will see the light of day eventually. Believe me……and I really thought it would never happen. You are so honest and open so be proud of how well are doing.

    Marilyn from Canada 🇨🇦

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    Replies
    1. Martha7:31 PM, January 17, 2023

      I am so grateful for others who understand grief. You are right. I don't sink in as far as I used to and it's much easier to jump over the "rabbit holes" that want to swallow me. There's still a hole in my heart. I'm thinking about putting an earring in it. LOL!

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