Still Here

 Nothing much to share. It's been a week of rain and cold weather. Rather disappointing, but whining won't change anything and will only make the situation appear drastically worse than it really is. I am warm and dry, my belly is (more than) full, I have clean clothes to wear, and a job that makes me feel loved and appreciated. 

I saw the therapist last night and told him I am ready to let go of the numbness and denial, yet I am afraid of it too. He asked if the numbness was grace, God's grace... Yes, numbness is God's grace, a gift given when the crushing weight of truth would make life unbearable. Numbness, and perhaps a portion of denial. I've cleaned and polished stories, left out painful details, and told them with a cheery smile when in reality the truth was not so sweet or pretty. I've rewritten history. My own. But rewriting it doesn't alter the truth.

I've still not turned in my pottery studio key. I didn't have time last weekend and I scarcely know when the office is open. Truth is I like my shelf and I want to play in the mud...