I Must Tell Jesus

Exhaustion can wreak havoc on emotions and I am no exception to the rule. My vacation was phenomenal. It filled my mom heart and was such a blessing, but Monday hit hard. The adrenaline has worn off and I'm tired and weepy. This too shall pass...

At my morning request for prayer, a friend suggested looking up the old hymn, "I Must Tell Jesus."

I must tell Jesus all of my trials;
I cannot bear these burdens alone;
In my distress He kindly will help me;
He ever loves and cares for His own

I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
I cannot bear my burdens alone;
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
  Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

Exhaustion, especially mixed with words from people who mean well but aren't speaking to our situation, can leave my heart aching all over again. (It was a sermon on Youtube, not someone speaking to me directly.) I have wanted so much to DO the right thing, and struggled through the doing, and now I find myself not only wanting to do what is right, but to BE right as well. God has been there for me time and again. He has answered anguished cries and unimaginable questions, provided for my every need, and dried countless tears. I want answers not only for yesterday and today, but for tomorrow as well. God asks only that I trust Him in the moment. It sounds easy, but in reality it can feel utterly impossible.

There are no easy answers to extenuating circumstances, and there are many who will believe I have chosen a foolish or ungodly path. This too is hard, and my own pride wars within. I did not want a divorce. I did everything I could to be a godly wife and mom; prayer, submission, silence, ... denial... And in the end I walked away from everything I loved because I believe that is what God asked me to do. Many are the days I trust and believe, and then there are the days when doubts and questions fill my heart and mind, and I miss being home.

Crying is cleansing but leaves my eyes puffy and swollen, so I try not to do that too much. Tomorrow evening is my therapist appointment, and sometimes that is helpful. Especially if I cry... Mostly I covet the prayers of those who know and love me, prayers for direction and the peace that passes understanding. I find reading scripture difficult, but I know that is where the answers wait, so please pray He leads me to those verses. And thank you for loving me through everything.

Photograph of Otsego Lake in Gaylord, Michigan on Wednesday morning.