And Then We Took a Walk

When I left the office last week, I did not make another appointment with my chiropractor. My lower back has been feeling better since being home, and  my neck was just adjusted. Besides, I was going back to work again and unsure of my schedule. Then, late this morning that familiar twinge in my right side returned, not terrible, but noticeable just the same. I decided to wait it out and see what happened. What happened was that the chiropractic office called me at noon. The secretary said Dr. Q had noticed I wasn't on the schedule this week and would I like to make an appointment? So I did. And I made one for Hannah too because she'd been saying she needed to go, and this afternoon we did just that.

Tonight, after supper, Hannah, Idris and I took a walk up to the village and back again. It was a little cool, but comfortable for walking, and the sun was shining. Sunshine and walking make the world feel right again, even if it really isn't.

When we returned from our jaunt through town, I sat down to copy a little more of Dad's diary. July of 1964 were some of my parents' darkest days...

July 8, 1964, Wed- Anguish, wild dreams, cold sweats, tears and terrible depression are words to describe our long night. But in all this the Lord was with us. Rough day. We miss our Timmy so. Worked. Tonight we've experienced some relief. Exhausted. Bed. 11:30

July 9, 1964, Thurs- The Lord has lifted the load and given us a much more positive outlook on Tim's separation from us. We're looking to Elim Christian School as the Lord may lead. 

Tears relieve the pressure, but they don't necessarily take away the ache. Dad went to work each day and often worked long hours. Mom stayed home to take care of Dan and me, and every day their hearts ached for their little boy in the care of the State School. A late July entry tells of race riots in the city of Rochester, and a visit to Newark. "This afternoon Ar, Dan, Martha and I went out to get Tim again. We took a ride. He enjoyed it, and didn't mind when we brought him back."

A week later, August 2, "He was too doped up to enjoy anything."

The following day Mom wrote a letter to Elim. She must have been desperate. If the school accepted Tim into their program, there would be no weekend visits, it was too far away, but this was their best option and they pinned their hopes and prayers on this.

August 4, 1964, Tues- Sunny, warm. Breakfast. Poor Ar doesn't get much sleep these days. We are anxious to take our Tim out of Newark. Very busy all day till 8:30 PM Tonight I played with Martha. She laughs cute. Tea. Time 11:45 PM

On August 5th, "Ar went out to Newark and made arrangements for Tim's release Tuesday. His diagnosis and physical are complete. His papers are on their way to Elim. The Lord has made the sun shine through."

August 11, 1964, Tues- Sunny, warm. Worked till noon. Ar and I went out to Newark and brought Tim home. Poor little fellow is all mixed up. He cried and ran a lot, but calmed down some in between. Tonight he played some, smiled and sang. We took a little ride. Time 10:30 Bed. We love him so much. It's nice to have him home.

It's hard to imagine the rush of emotions, and then again it's not so hard to imagine. Sometimes it's all too easy, perhaps because tiny children, though oblivious to what may be going on behind the scenes, pick up all too easily the emotions of their caretakers. Sometimes I can imagine the sorrow and terror all too vividly, and I know, even though I've only copied to August 16, that it was another year before Tim went to live at Elim. I was just a baby, but this was my world. In so many ways it seems a small piece of my life, but in my first year and a half it was all encompassing. It wasn't just a small piece, it was my entire life.