Learning to Fly

I am tired and emotionally fragile tonight. Part of the healing process is the pendulum of thoughts and emotions...

Working full time is a full time job. It's a good thing. It keeps me busy, gives me purpose, and provides an income. I couldn't have picked a better way to spend my days and I've settled in rather nicely. I snuggle the little ones, mostly the babies, but every once in a while I get a chance to love on the toddlers or preschoolers. You might say I'm a little attached, and I am blessed to be loved back, but I desperately miss my own kids and grandchildren.

Life is fluid. It flows from one stage to another to another, and we hardly realize until most of it is already behind us. I do not spend my days moping. I don't have time for that. I am choosing to love what is left of my life, to love those in it, and soak in all of God's blessings, which are many. In the midst of it all are times of tears. They well up unexpectedly, often triggered by songs or memories, and roll down my cheeks, smudging my mascara, leaving my eyes puffy, and my head a little achy.

I'm getting better, but it's a slow process. I've been working on my tendency toward indecisiveness, I'm trying to practice putting on my own oxygen mask before attempting to help others, and I have a plan to learn how to make and implement the best choices. God has not abandoned me, even if I sometimes feel alone, and somewhere he has a bottle where he keeps my tears. (Psalm 56:8)