Looking for Forgiveness...

I'm not looking to be forgiven, but searching my own heart and soul to see if I have forgiven, or at the very least, if I am moving in that direction...

I found this online.

5 ways to tell if you’ve forgiven someone:

When the first thought you have about them is not the injury they caused in your life. You should be able to have normal thoughts about the person occasionally. Remember, you are dropping the right to get even, the grudge you held against them. (I do have normal thoughts.)

Ask yourself: Would you help them if you knew they were in trouble and you had the ability? Most likely, this is someone you once cared about…perhaps even loved. You would have assisted them if they needed help. While I’m not suggesting you would subject yourself to abuse or further harm, that you are obligated to help them, or even that you should, but would you in your heart want to see them prosper or see them come to harm? (I would help them.)

Can you think positive thoughts about this person? Again, you’ve likely been on positive terms with this person or in a close enough relationship for them to injure you to this extreme. Is there anything good you can come up with about them? If not, have your really forgiven them? (I can think positive thoughts.)

Do you still think of getting even with the person? There may be consequences that need to come for this person, and you may have to see them through to protect others, but does your heart want to hurt them? If so, would you call this forgiveness? (I don't want to get even.)

Have stopped looking for them to fail? If you have truly forgiven someone, then just like you would for anyone else, you would want them to succeed or at least do better in life. Forgiveness means you’ve stopped keeping a record of the person’s wrongs. (I never wanted them to fail.)

Every day is a struggle. There are days when forgiveness feels easy and natural, and there are other days when anxiety grips my chest and threatens to squeeze my heart out onto the floor. I'm in uncharted territory without much of a road map, learning as I go. The finish line is a long way off yet, there are more deep waters to pass through, and more mountains to climb. It's not an easy journey and I'm not entirely certain where the path is leading. I only know that I am moving forward, even if it is slowly.

(Sorry. This is another one of those posts that doesn't get comments. That's okay. Just throw up a prayer or two for wisdom on my part and the ability to recognize my surroundings. Thanks.)