The Path Less Traveled

Sometimes the path before us is well worn and oft traveled. Other times it isn't...

I've wondered lately at why God picked me for this job. At one point in time I thought I could do it well. My friends and family would be amazed at the ease with which I did the job. I would never roll my eyes, speak harshly, or become impatient. I would serve without complaint, give gladly, and expect nothing in return... Perhaps God's reason for choosing me was that I needed a lesson in humility. Perhaps I was a bit too sure of myself and a bit too harsh on my son when he and Leta struggled with the task. Perhaps I had no clue and perhaps I still have little.

I have failed more times, I am afraid, than I have succeeded, but no one is more keenly aware of my failures than myself, especially when others are watching. I been frustrated, exhibited exasperation, and spoken impatiently, but I have also loved unconditionally, offered (or tried to offer) encouragement and reassurance, and kept a watchful eye and almost constant presence. I'm not expecting anyone to overlook my failures and shortcomings, excuse my wrongs, or relieve me of my role. What I need are the tools and support to help me succeed, even though, and especially because, I struggle.

My mother in law said she was worried about me, that I needed some time for myself without having to worry about Mom, and that we needed to ask for, possibly even demand, help on a regular basis. Maybe one weekend every month. Truthfully, I don't know how to go about that. I scarcely have time to keep the plates spinning much less plan for time away, but I do know I can be weary and sometimes worn threadbare. I also know there is no turning back.