On Going "Home"

I went "home" on Friday afternoon. An invitation was extended, I was available, and I am still in need of healing, so I went. (photos from my years past collection)

It's been five years since Jon and Sarah moved into the little gray house. She greeted me warmly, gave me a hug, and took me on a tour. Once upon a time I called the place "home." It sheltered my family and me, gathered us into its warmth on cold winter days, held us when we were hurting, and kept watchful eyes while we slept. There were gatherings of friends and family in the yard for summer picnics, birthday parties and holiday celebrations inside when the weather wasn't agreeable. It was a beautiful place to call "home," mostly...

I stepped into rooms I thought I would never see again...  The kitchen, the living room, my mother's room, even the bedrooms. They were all familiar in a strange kind of way. I took it in and smiled. Although I hadn't met Sarah before this summer, we have known Jon in one capacity or another for about 15 years. We talked about my kids, who know Jon from a previous church fellowship, and I felt myself get teary. Two of my boys have already visited the farm since James sold it. It is quite obvious that Jon, who is between my two youngest children in age, cares very much for them. It's part of what made me feel emotional.

Sarah was eager to show me the animals. I'd already met the four dogs who live inside the house and are like their children. Underneath Barn 3, where Jon and his brother poured a concrete floor, was a sow and several piglets, and another sow who will also soon give birth. In and around the little concrete building that long ago housed seasonal orchard workers, was a wonderful menagerie of pets; donkeys, sheep, goats, pot bellied pigs, and a castrated bull calf Jon rescued. There were ducks, chickens, and a turkey as well. I was told they have barn cats (the Naughties would have been thrilled to stay on the farm) and also rabbits, which I did not see. (I might have forgotten something but I can't think of what it might be.) Jon and Sarah do not have children of their own, but the child of a friend was there soaking in all the love and attention she could.

It was an interesting afternoon. I found a piece of healing that isn't yet complete, but I think it can be. I'm looking forward to another visit some day.

Down to the Lake and a Woods Walk

Life is good. I'm adjusting to my new job and learning lots of new things. There's a reason I never order specialty coffee drinks, and that is because I never knew the difference between one or the other. Ha ha! I know now. I'm slowly adjusting to my new schedule of showering at night, going to bed early, and waking up well before daylight. The best part is getting home just a little after 1 pm with plenty of daylight left for rest and relaxation or a walk.

Yesterday I took myself down to the lake. The waves were slapping the break wall and the fishermen were enjoying both the sandbar and the areas surrounding the creek. I walked to the beginning of the pier and no farther. It was both cold and windy and so I headed back to the shelter of my car.

Not wanting to go home, I decided to take the road back to the Webster Park Campground where I have walked in previous years. Two women met to walk their dogs. I followed them into the woods but lost them as I stopped to soak in the sweetness of the trees. The scent of pine, the soft forest floor under my feet, bits of autumn color... 

A lifetime ago my sisters and I walked these woods with our parents. It was tradition, when camping 6 miles from our childhood home, to take an after lunch walk through the trees with our parents. Back in the 1970s the trees were young, strong, and healthy, the forest floor scattered with pine cones and needles, the undergrowth sparse and the space between the ground and lower pine branches open below and protected above. We often walked through the woods as far as the Mohawk Lodge. These are beautiful memories and the main reason I go back to walk through these woods again and again.

Today I took a nap after work and then a walk down through the old dead end by our woods, through the adjoining neighborhood, and back home down the main road. It's been a good day and my heart is happy.

Bits and Pieces

 * I started my new job at Dunkin on Thursday morning and watched several training videos while waiting for the manager. some multiple times. I figured it could only be beneficial to watch the food videos over and over. I went home tired on Thursday and exhausted on Friday. Took a nap both days. 

* I hit a tree on my way to work Saturday morning. It must have been a windy night because it was laying across at least half of the access road along Rt 104. I saw it in time to swerve but not to miss it altogether. It scrubbed up my hood and smacked my passenger side mirror against the side window. It's not every day I drive through the uppermost branches of a tree... Thankfully, it appears that the damage is limited to the mirror.

* Saturday afternoon was bright and sunny. I shot my sister Rachel a text. "Have you been on your afternoon walk yet?" I asked. "Nope." she replied, "Where are we going?" After picking her up at her house, we drove down toward Lake Rd and took a walk through the woods at 4 Mile Creek. By the time we returned my body felt as tired and achy as it had on Friday afternoon after work, but my mind was satisfied that I had been outside.

* Yesterday was not quite the sunny autumn day we had hoped for, but I met my son Dave and his family just the same and rode with them out to the Rochester Folk Art Guild in Middlesex, NY. It was gray, overcast, and rainy but we enjoyed looking through the studios and talking to the artists. 

The wood working shop was incredible and filled with all kinds of familiar looking tools. There were toys, puzzles, turned vessels and wooden tools.

In another building we all (my son, my daughter in law, and three teenage grandchildren)  sat around a table and decorated cards. Each one was provided a card and the table was covered with all manner of paper with which to decorate it. There were hole punches, scissors, markers, glue sticks, and all kinds of decorative paper. The artists were totally impressed by Simon and Lucas who thoroughly enjoyed the activity.

We visited the weaving studio filled with beautifully colored woolen clothes, several looms, and a rainbow of endless spools of colored yarn. 

Leta saved the pottery studio for last. There was an abundance of beautiful sculptures, cups, bowls, vases and jars. At a small table a visitor was using a small ball of clay to sculpt. I took a tiny ball of the clay and found it to be wonderfully sticky and pliable. The potters in the shop shared the recipe for the clay... I am hoping to find someone who could help me mix a batch.

* Mondays are now part of my weekend and so this morning I slept in, met with my therapist online, and then while the sun was shining, I took a ride to fill my gas tank, pick up a pair of over the counter readers, and buy a bag of gingersnaps for my grandsons to dip in my coffee. It's dark and gloomy again and I feel like curling up under a blanket for a little bit of a nap, although it's probably a little late in the day for that.

Cheater Post

 Copied from those unusually long status updates I posted to Facebook this week...

Sunday, October 6, 2024 4:32 pm- The world is full of teachers who leave lasting impressions on the children who pass through their classrooms. I thought of Miss Eckert last week, quite possibly on the very day she slipped out of her earthly body and into the other side. I’m grateful for the little bit of time we spent together one day in August of 2016. She was struggling with “cognitive impairment” but it was still a joy to be with her. We went out to lunch and talked about her first few years of teaching 2nd grade. I had the wonderful opportunity to thank her for taking the time to talk to me on one of the most impactful and confusing days of my then eight years. 

Sunday, October 6, 2024 6:39 pm- After my last post, the one about my 2nd grade teacher, I went out to drop off a photo album and pick up some cat food. I got into a short line at Wegmans rather than going through the usual self checkout lane. There was an "slightly old than me" couple just ahead. The woman appeared somewhat animated but as she wandered closer to me, I could tell she was confused. (Did I just mention "cognitive impairment"?) He husband tried to lead her away, but I assured him she was not bothering me at all. I tried talking to her but her answers were just a jumble of words. She was trying too, but nothing was making sense. Her husband soon paid for their groceries and took her by the hand. They started slowly for the door, her in no hurry to leave. I paid for my few items and caught up with them just outside the door where I took her other hand, walked with them all the way to the end of the parking lot where "Angela" was safely loaded into the front seat, and then made my way back to may own car. It doesn't always take a huge effort to show a stranger a little bit of love.

Monday, October 7, 2024 8:49 pm- I'm getting used to a new phone and it has some tricks I'm not quite used to. It's very sensitive to touch, so sensitive that I often don't even have to touch it. When texting, it is always listening, sometimes to a podcast instead of me (because I'm not talking and don't realize the microphone is on...) and is printing random words in the text box, so if we are ever texting back and forth and you receive a rather confusing message, let me apologize ahead of time.

Tuesday, October 8, 2024 3:36 pm-I’ve been without a regular full time job since mid May. No job I applied to panned out, but I enjoyed my summer outside and my girls kept me afloat by paying me to watch the kids while they worked. In September, because I still had no obligation to a steady place of employment, I was able to spend time with a friend while her husband was very sick in a Pennsylvania hospital. I was there when he passed, and was available to follow her and her son as they pulled their camper back to central Florida . Not finding employment had been disheartening and my most promising prospect had called about an interview when I was on my way south. I returned home between hurricanes and resumed the search for a job. Yesterday I had an interview and accepted a position at a local Dunkin (and today another establishment called looking for an interview). I am entirely grateful that God knows best because without the open schedule I would never have had the opportunity to spend so much of September with my sweet friend.

 

Home, Safe, and Overwhelmed

Hurricane Helene sent some rain and a little bit of wind to Sanford, Florida and utterly decimated Eastern Tennessee and Western North Carolina. As we watched the storm system swirl closer and closer to land on Wednesday I couldn't help but think of those who would lose their lives when she made landfall and moved inland. I never imagined such destruction.

It didn't feel prudent to start for home in the midst of a hurricane so I sat out Thursday and considered leaving Florida on Friday, but the hurricane was drawing enough wind off the Atlantic and over the east coast, that I opted to wait once again. I honestly don't love traveling in a driving rain. My halfway point, where I'd thought to find a hotel, Rocky Mount, North Carolina, was hit by a tornado Friday afternoon. I'd been wise to stay put once again.

The weather in Sanford was beautiful on Friday. Jim suggested I might like to visit Harry P. Leu (Botanical) Gardens. It was a good choice. The gardens were amazing and I enjoyed the tour of the house as well. Being the only individual on the tour was wonderful. I wandered the paths on my own, took pictures, and soaked in the scenery. A few hours later I drove up the road and found some cookies at Gideon's Bakehouse, and stopped at the A&T store on my way back to Jim and Michele's house. What do you know?! I can use the GPS in my phone!!!

I woke up early enough on Saturday morning to catch a shower before heading toward Daytona and Flagler Beach where I found Marty. We sat and talked for a while and he helped me get Siri set up on my new phone and we put in a request that she get me home. I left the beach at about 11:10 am and started up I-95 North. I could have (and should have) stopped in North Carolina to stay with a friend, but I hadn't put her address into my itinerary and drove right past I-40. (Not the washed out part in Tennessee, but the part closest to I-95.) I drove another 3 hours to Chester, Virginia where my sweet daughter and son in law used Marriottt points to book me a room at the Fairfield Inn. A bed never felt so wonderful! I'd have slept like a baby had my entire body not been "buzzing" from the long hours on the highway. After breakfast on Sunday morning, I continued north toward home and pulled into my own driveway at about 5:30 pm., tired but safe. It was a long drive but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. 

Yesterday morning I went to put gasoline in my car and the scrubbing, grinding noise I'd heard in Pennsylvania the day before returned, along with another sound I can't presently identify. I decided to stop at Klem's Garage and leave my car there in the lot. Hopefully they get some time to look at it before next Tuesday's appointment. For now I am home with Killian and we'll be walking if we want to get out.

It's been 5 months now since I've had a regular job and two weeks since I've had any income at all. If I'm honest, I am more than a little terrified on the inside. I have a looming CPS hearing (on January 6, 2025) and should talk to a lawyer because I don't know how to do this alone, a "probably significant" car repair bill coming up, and all my regular expenses as well. No one is going to "take care of me" any more than they already have been. (I am grateful for those who live here with me in my house. They make staying here possible.) I have money in my bank account that would cover my bills, but it's also supposed to cover my taxes come spring. God has always provided for my needs, however I can't help but feel anxious.

Our north east summer has come to an end. Today, for the first time in over two weeks (at least!) I put on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I'm not ready to admit it is autumn, even though I've always said it's my favorite. I haven't yet donned socks and shoes... Maybe I should have gotten a job in Florida... LOL!

PS. It warmed up and I'm back to shorts and a sleeveless top.