And So... (The next post will be cheery. I promise.)

When I started blogging nearly eleven years ago, I never dreamed where it would take me, the friends I would meet, or what it would become. When and if these pages disappear, I will have lost a great treasure. So much has been recorded; lazy days and laughter, joys and sorrows, gains and losses, heartache and hopes. Sometimes I find myself looking back, finding vague posts that leak heartache. They are often so vague that even I don't know precisely what was on my mind. But they're vague on purpose, because my wish has never been to expose the pain or wrongs of others, but rather release the ponderings of my own heart and soul.

In spite of my efforts, sometimes my words hurt someone. Perhaps they think I am trying to inflict pain, expose their bad deeds, or get even. Or perhaps the pain in my heart is just too much for them to bear. We've had some rough spots through the years and the journey isn't over yet. I don't know where the road is leading, only that we must travel on, even when the way is rough and the hills are steep. Even when the destination is uncertain.

I am working to change things in my own heart and actions. Those changes are difficult and uncomfortable, even strange, but necessary. Sometimes I will have to say no when my heart wants to say yes. Sometimes I will need to do things that I desperately don't want to do. Sometimes I will need to chose courage over comfort. Life is fraught with pain. It is unavoidable and also a gift that gives us new perspectives, fresh vision, and tender hearts.

I pray that those I hold the dearest, the ones for whom I would (and have) laid down my life, will learn to love and forgive me because I have never wanted anything other than good for them.