October is here and almost a week old already. In years past I've felt at least a little bit ready to face the cold winter months ahead, but I'm not so sure this time around. I'd really like to press the rewind button and spend a little more time in summer, or at least find the one that says "pause" so I could bask in autumn's glory for a bit.
Quite honestly, it's been a hard couple of years... and especially the last few months... I desperately want to write it out and sort my thoughts, but can't. Thoughts don't come in a logical and orderly sequence, instead they tumble and roll. Bouts of settledness are followed by waves of fear and uncertainty. I've been left feeling often numb, empty, and alone. Only time and the love of Christ will bring healing. I find myself grateful for the tears that occasionally do fall because there are moments when I am afraid of the cold, numbness.
In the midst of it all, I lost a blog friend. She'd probably say shes still there, but the truth is I miss her comments and words of encouragement here. She doesn't know my struggles and has likely misunderstood some of my words and actions. It's easy to do when we don't see the entire picture and written blogs rarely tell the whole story. Perhaps I am misunderstanding her... In many ways my blog friends, have been a lifeline these past few years and I don't want to lose any of you, especially without knowing why. I hope this one will return to share a cup of coffee and a bit of friendship one day soon.
God is good. He walks on the waves of every storm and if we can take our eyes off the situation for a moment and scan the horizon, we will see Him there. He still calms rough seas, parts waters too deep to pass through, and encourages us to "
fear not" and yet we are so much like the disciples . At least I am.
(He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up
and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. Matthew 8:26)
After five years of attending a small church here in town, we returned in February to the fellowship in Webster where we attended regularly for seven years and where I have attended Ladies' Prayer for the past umpteen (I really can't remember) years. It is another lifeline. And, I am thankful for the trip "up the mountain" this past weekend. God has a way of stilling storms and tossing ropes just when we need them most.
October is here and almost a week old already. In years past I've felt at least a little bit ready to face the cold winter months ahead, but I'm not so sure this time around. I'd really like to press the rewind button and spend a little more time in summer, or at least find the one that says "pause" so I could bask in autumn's glory for a bit.
Quite honestly, it's been a hard couple of years... and especially the last few months... I desperately want to write it out and sort my thoughts, but can't. Thoughts don't come in a logical and orderly sequence, instead they tumble and roll. Bouts of settledness are followed by waves of fear and uncertainty. I've been left feeling often numb, empty, and alone. Only time and the love of Christ will bring healing. I find myself grateful for the tears that occasionally do fall because there are moments when I am afraid of the cold, numbness.
In the midst of it all, I lost a blog friend. She'd probably say shes still there, but the truth is I miss her comments and words of encouragement here. She doesn't know my struggles and has likely misunderstood some of my words and actions. It's easy to do when we don't see the entire picture and written blogs rarely tell the whole story. Perhaps I am misunderstanding her... In many ways my blog friends, have been a lifeline these past few years and I don't want to lose any of you, especially without knowing why. I hope this one will return to share a cup of coffee and a bit of friendship one day soon. 
It is awful to have those feelings Martha. I felt so alone 21years ago when my husband passed away suddenly of a heart attack on his 52nd birthday. My friends and family were so wonderful, but I think I kind of shut them out for a little while. You have had a tough year with one thing and another, but keeping your faith will bring you through. Going away for a few days was a great idea. I too think those marriage encounters are awful, as no one can fix you, you have to do the work yourself. Hugs:-)
ReplyDeleteMarilyn from Canada
Thanks for being there, Marilyn.
DeleteI've been praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Priscilla.
Delete