Here Am I, Send Rachel

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Is. 6:8

Lest you think I am shirking my responsibilities or attempting to shrug them off on someone else, let me tell you that is not so. I am simply being a little more honest today. It's a big job and a heavy responsibility, one I am not always certain I can handle. Thankfully, I have Someone bigger who can handle anything that comes along. Without His help I would be totally lost.

Mom arrived here a little over two years ago needing help with her med- ication, someone to do her shopping and cart her around, and a bit of company. She was forgetful and often left us scratching our heads, but we hadn't yet lived with her day to day. Now we realize she needs so much more. After filling her pill box, I hide her medication high in the cupboard, setting it out individually for her each morning and evening rather than letting her take it herself. Not only must I ensure she remembers to take it, but also that she doesn't take a double dose. Quite often I find that although I have set it out for her, she has forgotten it altogether and gone to bed without taking it. Then I go in, wake her up, hand her the pills, and make sure she swallows them. I help her with showers, wash her laundry, and fix her meals. I buy her puzzles and word search books, purchase her Hazelnut Cafe powdered coffee drink, and make sure her prescriptions are filled. I've started making doctor appointments and, this month, have provided transportation to at least four. I check her hearing aides, keep track of her oxygen supply, and carry her tank when we go out. I pay her bills, at least most of them, and attempt to keep track of her finances. I chase her out of the kitchen during nap time, give her "what for" when she messes with the wood stove, and answer repeated questions.

I'm not always patient, I often roll my eyes, and sometimes I long for an escape. That's just being honest, but God is working something bigger in me than I can see. If I always had it easy, I would always take it easy. If I had all the time in the world to do my own thing, I would. I wouldn't grow in grace and I most likely would still think I had it pretty much all together. Now I know I don't, and I also know He's still putting the pieces of my life together the way He wants them. He has a better plan than me.

(How do you like that nice looking loaf of gluten free bread? Have I told you how yummy it is? It's just too yummy. I'll never lose my baby fat with that in the kitchen!)