Drama Class

There has been more than enough drama this month to last for years to come. Every time we think we've seen the last of it, another episode pops up in a different set of people. Sometimes the people circles overlap. Actually, a lot of the people circles overlap... Okay, so maybe we're all connected in one way or another. The truth is Facebook has made more drama possible than one people circle should ever have to deal with. I'm losing friends/family left and right, some for the simple fact that they've deactivated their accounts. I can't say as I blame them. If it wasn't for the fact that it connects me to my children, I'd probably delete my own. Then again, I suppose that is the exact reason some have decided to be done with it altogether. Blah.

Z is for Zebra

Z is for Zebra. I'm taking a chance and posting the obvious here. Every children's ABC book I've ever read has a Zebra for the letter Z, and why not? They're pretty cool looking animals. This particular zebra posed for a photograph at the Buffalo Zoo several years ago. I think he's very handsome in his striped pajamas.



To see the other participants in the new round of 
ABC Wednesday, click here!

Quiet and Overcast

Today I went to Ladies' Prayer at Calvary Chapel and ran errands. Hannah and I had two small boys to watch, so she stayed with them at the church (during Bible study) while I ran about taking care of business and buying some fruits and vegetables.

So far this winter we have had little to no snow. No need to shovel sidewalks or have the driveway plowed. Kind of nice in a lot of ways. Of course, this could change at any time. I am well aware of that. But, yesterday I saw a robin sitting in one of our maple trees when I went out to the bus stop with Emma. I hope he knows what he's doing.

I have managed to lose one of my brand new alpaca wool mittens already. I took them on my way out the door Sunday when we took off for Canada and discovered one missing when we were at Gail's house in Fort Erie. I suppose it is laying lost and lonely somewhere on Transit Rd. in Buffalo where we stopped for gas (our gas cap was stuck and James had to break it off...), ran in Loews Home Improvement, and grabbed a snack at Mighty Taco. Ah well, at least it is not the only pair of mittens in my possession, even if they were the most expensive, and I am not outside building snowmen or shoveling the walk.

No Tears

I want you to know that I am not wallowing in despair over my son's decisions. If I feel guilty at all, it is because there is an element of relief, relief in knowing that I did nothing to warrant this present tirade and that it is not my responsibility to "fix" my son's problems. As he has said, he is a big boy now, and it is up to him to make his own choices and face the consequences. My house is peaceful, children frequent my arms, and I am not unhappy. Sadly, something tells me this is not a short term situation, so if photos and stories of his little ones are absent, you will understand.

There is no shortage of children here. Emma comes to get on and off the school bus each day, Alex and Asher keep me company several times a week (one four days and the other two), and Josh pops in with his mom frequently. Vinnie and his little sister feel like surrogate grandchildren and show up here and there as needed. I love them all! Toys continue to be strewn across my floors, the high chair gets regular use, and I still buy things like apple juice and animal crackers. Please don't feel sorry for me, just keep my son in prayer.

Time Out

A cup of hot tea, a warm Chinese dinner, and a welcoming home. I like visiting Gramma Gail.

And That's the Truth

The truth is my son is not talking to us. He is angry. We have apologized for words spoken under pressure and in frustration, but he is unwilling to forgive us for the events of last fall. Sadly, he is only validating our decision not to rent him my mother's house.

My little grand- children were here on Christmas day for a few hours, but I haven't seen them since. I don't think Dave will be showing up here any time soon, and we are not welcome at his house. I have been told, "I don't want you here." We are blocked from his Facebook page.

So anyway, I am trying not to think of sweet, small faces and little voices. I can't let my son's anger control my life and make me miserable. I must choose instead to trust the One who holds the world in His hands. He will watch over my son and his family and He will take care of me. I will be here waiting, praying for my boy's return. In the meantime, I will love the little ones who God brings into my home and play "Grammy" to them as often as I am allowed.

Between the fire and death of a friend/family member and his sons, my own son's anger, and other recent family  issues, maybe you can forgive me for not "Lookin' Up" quite the way I'm used to... I covet your prayers and thank you ahead of time.

Impossible Feets

I decided to reach back a short distance in time and pull something random out of the bag. I need to do something totally silly and pointless, yet inexpensive and mildly entertaining. (I did say "mildly.")

Not long ago my friend Betsy told her Tail Tale. Since we had just mentioned pedicures, I suggested the "Feet Feat" and I think maybe I'm ready for a Pedicure Party. If I can figure out how to get along with Mister Linky, and come up with a name for a periodic meme, maybe you can play along.

This time around I'm suggesting a pedicure. Do your own or pay to have it done for you and post a photo. (This is my "before" picture...)

Window Treatments

My antique bottle and doodad collection has been returned to the upper windows in my living room. Dusting will be a little trickier now, but they look cheerful and friendly up there, and I could use a little bit of cheerful and friendly.

Now that the blinds have come down (when we painted...), the morning sun can come in. I call that minute the sun comes up over the horizon "the golden moment" because it turns my kitchen and a corner of my living room to gold. It's a seasonal thing and I must remember to treasure the gift.

I Can't Believe You Said That....

Old post, new circumstances.... Actually, this post might refer to several circumstances right now. It seems as though the world has gone mad and we are along for the ride. 

Sunday, January 03, 2010

But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:8

Extenuating circumstances have left me contemplating the power of the tongue and how quickly words can destroy character and reputation. Words can be a healing balm or a deadly poison. Once released, poisonous words seep deep into the heart and soul, set on a course to destroy. They can never be totally undone or erased no matter how sorry the speaker may be.

Words reveal the condition of the heart, as Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." The mouth is a leaky seal releasing the contents of the soul. Where the heart is given to God, blessings will come forth, but where lies and deceit reside, cursing will pour out.

As you may have guessed, we are struggling with the effects of an unbridled tongue and seeking the wisdom of God in how to deal with the situation. It would be easy, in some ways, to lash back, but that is not a real solution as we are not seeking to alienate, but restore. (At least that is what we want to want. The truth is, sometimes it is difficult to pray a blessing on those who hurt us. That is, none the less, what Jesus desires us to do, and we want to follow Him)

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Y is for Yawning

Y is for yawning.

Bo Cat was just waking up from a nap. Still feeling rather sleepy, she opened her mouth in a huge yawn. I laughed when I saw the photograph. She looks dangerous and scary and... funny.

To see the other participants in the new round of 
ABC Wednesday, click here!

What a Difference a Day Makes

Yesterday was cold, but not near as cold as today. I think I shall endeavor to stay inside, now that I've already been out to stand at the end of the driveway with Emma. The bus arrived on time. Alex and I waved her off and hurried back inside.

I suppose I do need to go out with James later, his van inspection is expired, but then I will hurry back home to the wood stove and my pile of warm blankets. If there weren't still so many cookies hanging around I might turn the oven on.

Angel Toes

We stopped to visit Angel yesterday afternoon. Her little grand daughter was there and offered to paint her grandma's toenails. Angel was very agreeable. (She also told us about the time she wore sandals to work forgetting that Autumn had given her a pedicure... I don't suppose she will have to worry about that this week. It isn't sandal weather.)

Autumn also painted Aunt Lindsey's nails. She looks very pleased with herself, don't you think? I can hardly wait until my granddaughter is big enough to paint my nails!

Saturday

It's Saturday, at least that is what the calendar says. On "normal" Saturdays I run errands; the bank, the grocery store... anyplace I haven't been able to go throughout the week and need to. Today I don't need to. I went shopping yesterday. I even went to the post office and mailed out three boxes that didn't get into the mail before Christmas. Today is dark and dreary, a good day to curl up with a cup of hot tea or coffee and a good book. It is a good day to sit and talk with my favorite second mom, or maybe to take a short nap.

James and Hannah have gone out together. They have taken my van, and that is okay because I have no plans to go out, and no desire to. I am happy to sit home, fold laundry, and check the computer. I am not eating anymore candy or cookies. I had fruit and nuts for breakfast and am now enjoying a second cup of half decaf coffee with Gingerbread Latte creamer. My eyes are tired and my vacation is nearly over. Maybe I really should take that afternoon nap...

Sand Through the Hour Glass

There is not much left to the year 2011. Another 26 hours and we will be counting the seconds until the arrival of 2012. Hopefully I will be wise enough this time around to sleep the new year in instead of to stay awake and stumble through the next day in a fog.

I have been considering New Year's resolutions... It seems every year they are about the same; eat better, exercise more, and lose weight, along with be more thankful, smile more often, and forgive more faster. ;) (Yes, I do know that's bad grammar.)

My treadmill remains in my daughter's basement. I miss it, but there isn't any extra space in my living room. (It once lived here in another room, but that now belongs to my mother...) Is there hope for this now middle aged woman? (I'm talking about me.) I am not liking what I see either in the mirror or in photographs... Maybe I need to go on a soup and watered down juice diet. That would cover my fluid intake and be lower in calories!

Constantly Praying

An old friend stopped by today. She came to bring some medicine to her auntie who has been sick this week. She is constantly on my heart and in my thoughts. The pictures are seven years old, but the love remains constant as it has through the years.







Please continue to pray for my friend and her family. Her father was her best friend...

De Colores

Aren't colors fun? Cameras are fun too. :)

That's my favorite Little People guy there. He's wearing overalls.

Okay, so I'm a weirdo...

X is for eXcitement

X is for eXcitement.

Filling seven to ten Christmas stockings is a big job, so my husband and I have relegated that responsibility to our now grown children. They fill each other's stockings by purchasing one or two small gifts for each. Ben livened things up this year by depositing a scorpion sucker into each red sock. That's a little too exciting for me. (And Jim thought Moose Poop was fun...)

I must say, though scorpion suckers may not be my weakness, there are far too many tasty treats around here that do call my name. I am in serious need of some eXercise, but really I feel more like taking a long nap. :)

To see the other participants in the new round of 
ABC Wednesday, click here!

December Gifts

I haven't shared my "gifts" in a while, and though December has been hard, there are still gifts to thank the Father for...

2565. Early morning sunlight turning the room to gold.


2568. Hannah playing her piano.

2577. A frosted world bathed in sunshine.


2587. Christmas carols, red kettles, and Jesus!


2597. Lips, chapped and dry though they be


2607. Memories of childhood...


2610. A God who hears our desperate cries.


2617. New furniture


2640. An unexpected package from my beautiful nice, Annie


2653. Grandmanita's safe arrival


2661. People; friends and family come to love and encourage the hurting


2662. Being a part of it, How humbling.


2664. Hearing my childhood friend say, "I love you."


2665. The husband God gave me and the man he has become


2669. A place of peace in a world gone mad


2670. Snippets of sleep

Christmas Passed

Christmas is over for another year. I thought I would be ready early this time. I had done some prior planning, even purchased and wrapped several presents just after Thanksgiving. I had plans; plans to shop, to bake, to decorate, to attend Christmas services, and to enjoy the season, but the month of December didn't go as planned.

I am thankful God put it in my heart to do something ahead of my usual schedule, at least my grandchildren had presents under the tree. Thankfully, my children have learned not to expect anything too grand and glorious, perhaps one of the perks of having a half a dozen. James' mom made a wonderful chicken soup while we were at church yesterday morning, and this was made extra special by homemade noodles. (At this rate I'll never be gluten-free... :)

Tension remains high amongst family members. Please pray for our deeply troubled and hurting son and his family. There are some things moms and dads just can't fix. We need Somebody much bigger, but then again, don't we need Him all the time?

A Christmas Wish

This Christmas I wish peace and comfort for my friends turned family, the ones who were my childhood friends before I married their cousin. I pray that God would be near to them each day, that He would wrap His loving arms around them, dry their tears, and bring them that peace that passes all understanding.

I pray that memories of happier days would carry them through the dark and lonely moments, and that the love of the Father in heaven would fill their days. I pray that they would cherish the time they had together and thank God for a dad who loved them without question. I thank God for my own memories of this man, for songs sung, dinners shared, encouragement given, and a love unspoken. (Here he sings to Bethany back in May of 2004. If only we had a video.)

And So This Is Christmas

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. 

- Dr. Seuss

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I have often wished for a way to simplify Christmas and this year Christmas will be just that, simpler. We'll gather for a meal, some games, and maybe a Christmas movie, but the gifts, wrapped gifts, will be few, and that's okay. We have each other and we have Jesus, and that is gift enough.

About Those Presents...

I'm not complaining, I have been abundantly blessed with gifts this month. I'm just looking for something to smile about and Lucy makes me smile. :)

My eldest son will be home tomorrow night, and though there is not enough time left to create the Christmas I'd dreamed up in my mind, we still have Jesus and He is the reason for having a Christmas in the first place. There will be more food than we can eat, there will be laughter, and there will be gifts. I'm hoping there will be forgiveness as well.

It Can't Be Christmas

How can Christmas be coming in four short days when my family is falling apart? Why has my son chosen to stir up a ruckus on top of a tragedy? Why would my oldest son want to drive seventeen hours home to this?

I am emotionally and mentally drained, stretched to the limit. I don't think there is much hope of salvaging this Christmas...  but at least there are cookies.

A Little On the Sleepy Side

It has been an incredibly exhausting two weeks. Sunday we went to calling hours and yesterday was the funeral service and luncheon. Around 2:15 pm we headed out on a journey to Toronto where James' aunt had to catch bus which would take her another two hours north. Both the E-Z Pass I bought for NY City and the licenses we had enhanced, were put to good use. The trip to Toronto and back took about 7 1/2 hours, and on our way home we stopped to say our final goodbyes to family that were leaving town today. (And enjoy some stuffed artichokes.)

I found it nearly impossible to sleep last night. When I closed my eyes I saw highway lights passing by, and when the lights weren't there my brain wouldn't rest. I must say that in spite of the original news story going nationwide (one family member said it was on the news in southern California), the media kept their distance this weekend.The church was packed and there were more people at the cemetery than I had expected. My own brain just keeps replaying old memories along with the events of the past two weeks. It still seems more like a terrible nightmare than real life.

Being with the family was healing for me. I find myself constantly vacillating back and forth between being childhood friend and present family member, not knowing quite where to fit in. I do know that I love my old friends become family and they love me. We've told each other so this time, and I can't imagine it any other way.

W is for Woodpile

W is for woodpile.

The woodpile on the back porch grows and shrinks with whether the temperature is high or low. We keep the wood stove going most of the day, but don't worry too much if it goes out at night. We live in snow country, but apparently the snow has other plans this year. We've not had more than an inch or two on the ground at a time. No need to shovel the walk, pointless to plow the driveway, and I can get away with wearing shoes instead of boots. That's okay with me. My house is warm and cozy, and there's still plenty of wood stacked outside the back door.

To see the other participants in the new round of 
ABC Wednesday, click here!

December

December has gone terribly wrong this year...

I think maybe I need someone to come over and make cutout Christmas cookies with me... on Wednesday.

Old Pictures

Once upon a time a young couple embarked on a journey to Niagara Falls. It was not an overnight honey moon, but rather a day trip with family. Along with the young couple was their small son and the young man's mother. The mother owned a rather nice camera and had taken up the wonderful hobby of photography which she intended to practice on the small family.

I'm sure the young couple stopped to look at the thunder- ing falls, this was, after all, back when one could park along the boulevard, get out of the car, and walk across the sidewalk to see the spectacle. It was a bright and sunny day, warm and fair. Not far from the falls was a park with paddle boats and a trail to walk along, a perfect place for taking pictures.

:) I like When Grandmanita brings old pictures.

V is for Vine

V is for vine.

 He dug it up and cleared out its stones, And planted it with the choicest vine. He built a tower in its midst, And also made a wine press in it; So He expected it to bring forth good grapes, But it brought forth wild grapes. Isaiah 5:2

We found it all but impossible to keep wild vines from growing in our apple trees. The grape vines had a stranglehold, and the wild roses were nothing short of vicious!

To see the other participants in the new round of 
ABC Wednesday, click here!

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, a lifetime ago, the little boy moved into the house not-quite-next-door. We were just five years old and rode our tricycles in circles in the street in front of his house until his parents noticed called him inside. Little boys were to play in the backyard, not outside in the street and so, in days to follow, I rode my shiny new tricycle to his house and pulled it through the wire gate into the backyard where I traded my shiny new one for his older, smaller tricycle. This is the way it was, day after day, and I didn't mind because we were friends.

In the boy's backyard was a mud hole dug with sticks and old spoons. It was cone-shaped, perfect for stirring up a batch or two of mud pies, especially after a good rain or a thorough drenching with a pail of water. The boy and girl spent a good number of sunny, summer days cooking up mud pie cookies and cakes. Years later the girl scanned the backyard with longing eyes for a sign of the old mud hole but it had vanished.

There were dandelion and buttercup bouquets picked from the grass along the fences bordering the backyard kingdom, and delivered with a smile to the boy's mummy who took them inside with great appreciation. Each new day brought new flowers to pick, fresh mud pies to mix, and more tricycle rides through the backyard.

The days of time spun on, and the little boy and the little girl grew up. They gradually went separate ways, but each one carried with them, tucked deep inside, the days of  mud pies, tricycles, and dandelion bouquets.

What to Say?

What can I say? My mind is full of memories, a whole childhood of them. I manage to shut them down for a while, and then I find myself sorting through them all over again. Sometimes I feel numb, and other times I am driven to tears. Thankfully the newspapers have been silent this weekend. My favorite mom in law will fly into Toronto Tuesday morning and be here probably Wednesday.

U is for Umbrella

 U is for Umbrella, and what nicer one than pink with Scooby Doo?

It should be snowing now, but we've had more rain this December than snow. No worry, it's much too cold to rain today! It isn't trying anyway. In spite of a bitter wind, the sun is bright and cheery.

 To see the other participants in the new round of 
ABC Wednesday, click here!

Perspective

It's all in how one looks at things, and sometimes a good hard kick in the head can put the whole world into an entirely different perspective...

Sad

It is a sad day here. The story will be in the news for weeks to come. It won't go away, and what we wish to be nothing more than a nightmare, is reality.

It could be just another unknown family's tragedy, but this time we are strangely connected. A house fire set by a teenage son intending to kill his family. He succeeded in killing three; his father and two brothers. The mother is in guarded condition, his sister will survive. But the family doesn't end there. There are other children, adult children, six of them. It is the oldest three who connect us to this family. They are the reason we call him "Uncle Carmen..."

So, if I'm absent for a while, it will be because I just don't know what to say...

Little Boys

What are little boys made of, made of? 
What are little boys made of?
Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails
That's what little boys are made of.

This is Alex. He comes to visit me each day. He likes tractors, cows, and playing outside.

No Snow? No Problem

It is December. It is raining in Rochester, NY. It is snowing in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I don't know how they got our snow... We will have to make due. Snowman craftiness is in order. Somewhere between the changing of stinky diapers and the wiping of snotty noses, there should be some time for making snowmen. (I promise to wash my hands and use hand sanitizer, if I can find some.) Here are some crafty ideas...

Today

I stayed up late and woke up early. My tired eyes fought to stay closed as I reasoned my options; stay home and sleep a little longer or meet the ladies from church for breakfast. I pried my eyes open and stumbled out of bed.

The second snowiest American city is still without snow, but we are not without early morning frost. As I headed out the door to meet my friends, the thought suddenly occurred that I just might need to scrape my windows. I was thankful for warm mittens, a readily accessible ice scraper, and a restaurant that wasn't far off.

James, Ben, and Hannah have worked hard all day painting the living room. We've washed walls, vacuumed cobwebs, filled holes, and moved furniture. Hannah likes painting and does a great job. Me? I can paint snowmen freehand on four foot stockade fences, but somehow a flat wall and one flat color are intimidating.


After cooking breakfast for my family, I headed out to the bank, Home Depot, and the grocery store, nursing a headache and aching muscles the whole way. Now that my upstairs bathroom is clean, supper is eaten, and the dishes done, I'm ready to take some Tylenol and crawl back into bed. I'm pretty sure we've got another busy day ahead of us tomorrow.

The Day to Day

Days with Mom blur from one into the next. Nothing too exciting is happening and what does often leaves me baffled and struggling with my own thoughts and emotions. I behave badly more often than I care to admit, but the past few days have been better than most.

It's quite evident that my mom is suffering from some type of dementia. She repeats herself often, asks the same questions over and over, and second guesses what was once second nature. Mom once did 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles with ease, now she struggles with obvious pieces. Sometimes she questions my ability or knowledge of things and situations. She forgets the names of the children I babysit although they come weekly and have since September. She has difficulty following conversations and often appears disconnected.

Not all is negative. Mom still enjoys doing word search puzzles, reads her Bible each night, and devours the daily newspaper. She seems to enjoy folding laundry and occasionally washing dishes or putting them away. Sofie is her all but constant companion and Mom worries if the little dog appears to be missing. She is not combative or disagreeable, doesn't often complain, and is still able to care for most of her own hygiene needs even if she does need an occasional reminder.

I've settled into a basic daily Mom routine which includes writing the day of the week and date on a white board (along with any information pertinent to that day), setting out her morning pills, and fetching the newspaper. She wakes up whenever, dresses and straightens her bed, and makes her powdered coffee drink. Then she settles into her chair to drink her "coffee" and read the paper. Breakfast is typically eaten at lunchtime and a snack consumed somewhere around 3 pm. Sometimes I feel bad there isn't more interaction between us as it seems I go about my day around her rather than with her.

In spite of my struggles, I trust God is working in my heart and growing me in ways I cannot see. I do not understand His ways, and marvel at how He is able to use my weaknesses and failures to mold me into a vessel fit for use. The pressure can be painful, especially if I resist His touch. This only brings more pain and frustration. I am learning to cry out before the pressure brings me to the breaking point and find He quickly answers. I am treading unfamiliar ground once again with questions that often go unanswered, forgetting that He who holds the universe in His hands also holds me.