Somewhere along the way I have exceeded my super power capabilities... or perhaps my arch nemesis has found a clever way to secretly drain my energy supply. Either way my "Super Suit" is not fitting as it should. Summer has worn me out. I am drained.
In a little less than two weeks school will start up again for another year and I will take off for a week in Minnesota. After my return, I will put one child on and off the bus for the month of September and keep track of one small girl during the day. Right now even that sounds exhausting, but with the advent of school comes no other children for the current small child to fight with. Just that in itself will be a relief. She is trying on good days, but this week has been exceptionally trying.
When I stand back and look at my summer, the only things I see causing me great stress are the children I watch during the week and caring for my mother. Only one of those is really optional. Tuesday I could have had nine different children come through my doors, but I said no to six. None of them were my grandchildren, they were from three different families, and they are all children I love and care about. One has been here on a fairly regular basis lately but she is very small and requires constant supervision. (She wore me out being here four days last week.) Two are school aged but would have arrived at 6:30 am and I just couldn't do it. The other three would have arrived late in the afternoon after an already long day, and they also require constant supervision. I felt, in a way, as though God was shouting a message into my ear. "LEARN TO SAY NO!" And so I did. I could never have made it through the rest of this week had I not said no to Tuesday.
My last pottery class is next week. Although I don't feel
as though throwing pots came as easily this time as when I took a class
nine years ago, I do at least have a starting point and have had my
memory jogged. Maybe the experience will be useful in the months to
come. Maybe I will actually find a moment to escape to my basement and throw pots here. Maybe I will actually call my cousin and find out if we can do this together. Maybe one day it will become therapy and a stress reliever. Maybe I will get good enough to actually sell something... It could happen... maybe.