I have found myself feeling emotional this past week or so. Lost sleep, raging hormones, and a change of seasons has left me feeling unexpectedly weepy. I miss my dad and so many things are bringing him into my thoughts. I sneaked into the attic bedroom while at Mom's house this afternoon, pulled some of Dad's clothes out of a box, put my face into them and took a deep breath. I wasn't alone long. I quickly put the boxes back in order, and went back downstairs.
I took Dad's diaries out of Mom's drawer, found the one I had been reading, took it out to the living room, and sat on the couch. I didn't read long. We had gathered for a family birthday and there was a lot of activity in the house. The kids were playing and Dave was cutting the cake. A birthday song was sung, and dessert was served. I tucked the little book back in its hiding place for another day.
My sisters have already celebrated a first birthday without Dad, now it is my turn. I'm not sure if it is my own birthday that is making me miss him so or the fact that his birthday will be here in just a few short weeks. It will be a year of firsts without my dad. I guess I can expect the tears to well up now and again. Maybe I just ought to keep one of his big red hankies in my purse for those teary occasions. I wonder if I might find one in those boxes upstairs?