Swirling Thoughts

It has been a weekend of swirling thoughts. On Friday evening I chatted with a friend. We touched on subjects that are foreign but not new to me and she brought a fresh perspective to the table. She did not say anything terribly surprising, just gave me a different angle on a familiar topic. I appreciate her honesty and openness in sharing with me, helping me to understand, and giving me a new reason to fall on my knees before God, who loves each one of us so much more than we can ever know.

On Saturday afternoon Ben, Hannah, and I headed down to the park once more. Our local homeschool group was having a kick-off picnic and they wanted to go. Some faces there were old familiar friends and others were perfect strangers. Fourteen years ago I was a founding member of this group where I am now a "newcomer". I chatted with some of the moms and listened to conversations between others. I fielded questions... "Are you new to the group?" "How long have you been homeschooling?" "How old are your children?" It is the academic conversations that leave me feeling empty. I don't fear so much for my children in the area of knowledge acquired or whether they can hold down a job and raise a family. My fear is in being inadequate when it comes to answering the questions of fellow parents. For us "real life" disrupts book work more often than not. I find that I must lean more on my Savior and not so much on my own ability to always provide everything my children need to have or know. Keeping my children at home will not "save" them or even guarantee that will be model citizens. I must fall on my knees daily and continually put each child back into the hand of God. I must learn to trust Him and His unending love.