Thoughts on Caregiving...

- Caregivers aren't perfect. We fail on a regular and daily basis.
- It is fairly easy to be patient for several hours, or even a few day, but even the saintliest of caregivers have bad days.
- Caregivers already know when we've failed. We don't need you or anyone else to call on the phone or send a note  "laying us out in lavender."
- Primary caregivers don't go home and leave the care to someone else (like a nursing home). We are responsible 24/7.
- We live with constant guilt; guilt at needing time off, guilt at words misspoken, guilt at eyes rolled, and guilt at not always providing care with a smile and a bright attitude.
- Caregivers often hold the title of Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy as well as Caregiver.
- Caregivers are required to learn a myriad of new skills. We have to deal with things like eyeglasses, hearing aides, false teeth, blood sugar tests, dietary restrictions, medications, oxygen machines, wheelchairs and walkers, monthly blood draws, and toileting or bathing issues.
- Caregivers get frazzled. It's a mind thing. The mind is never at rest when someone is either home alone, needing a meal, or sitting alone in their room doing word search puzzles for hour on end.
-Caregivers need to vent, especially when dealing with dementia and memory issues. We deeply love those we care for, but are often left trying to figure out just who this stranger that used to be Mom is. It is difficult to wrap our minds around the confusion, forgetfulness, and repeated questions. We're trying to be patient, but it's just plain hard.
- It's nice to have people stop, acknowledge, and say hello to our loved ones when we are out (like to church), but please remember that caregivers also need a hello and word of encouragement. It can make our day a whole lot brighter if you also smile at us, give a hug, or ask, "How are you doing?"
- Caregivers often feel as though they have no choice but to be the caregiver. We have been dealt this hand and must now play it out.
- Caregivers need time off, but we will most likely not want to ask for your help, unless we are desperate. If we get to the point of saying "I need...", it's because we do. Please don't make us feel more guilty for admitting to it, and please don't feel bad for our loved one if we choose respite for a week or two. They'll be okay.
- Perhaps one of the hardest things for a caregiver, is the guilt of looking toward the day when the job is done.It's a horrible feeling.