"She's Doing Okay"

I've not written much about my mom lately. There isn't typically much to say. People sometimes ask me how she is doing, and I usually answer, "She's doing okay." Mostly day after day goes on and things stay pretty much the same, and then once in a while something she says or does will remind me that things are really not as they should be.

My aunt came to visit yesterday. She does this every so often, which is really nice for Mom, but even with her sister, conversation is minimal and sometimes confused. Since Mom is never without her daily newspaper, yesterday's conversation went there. Aunt Margie asked about an article in the paper, but if Mom had read the story about four high school students in a car that hit the back of a school bus, she didn't remember. She thumbed through the paper to find some information.

The conversation turned to some friends. Mom looked at me and said the name in question form. "Yes," I replied. "How do you know her?" she asked me. Once again I was caught off guard. I think I answered back with, "How do you think I know her?" or "What do you mean, 'How do I know her?'" (I realize this is not the way to respond to folks with memory issues, but sometimes I am left flabbergasted.) The person in question is not someone we just met, or someone we no longer have contact with. She is a childhood friend of mine, former neighbor, and my cousin by marriage to my husband. We have known the family since I was five years old.

Conversations typically are cut short by the fact that Mom is no longer able to follow them. Not only do I fear leaving her embarrassed, but it hurts to hear her answer in ways that appear clueless. I guess I still haven't learned how to "live in the moment" with her. I'm not even really sure how.