Friday, October 12, 2012

"She's Doing Okay"

I've not written much about my mom lately. There isn't typically much to say. People sometimes ask me how she is doing, and I usually answer, "She's doing okay." Mostly day after day goes on and things stay pretty much the same, and then once in a while something she says or does will remind me that things are really not as they should be.

My aunt came to visit yesterday. She does this every so often, which is really nice for Mom, but even with her sister, conversation is minimal and sometimes confused. Since Mom is never without her daily newspaper, yesterday's conversation went there. Aunt Margie asked about an article in the paper, but if Mom had read the story about four high school students in a car that hit the back of a school bus, she didn't remember. She thumbed through the paper to find some information.

The conversation turned to some friends. Mom looked at me and said the name in question form. "Yes," I replied. "How do you know her?" she asked me. Once again I was caught off guard. I think I answered back with, "How do you think I know her?" or "What do you mean, 'How do I know her?'" (I realize this is not the way to respond to folks with memory issues, but sometimes I am left flabbergasted.) The person in question is not someone we just met, or someone we no longer have contact with. She is a childhood friend of mine, former neighbor, and my cousin by marriage to my husband. We have known the family since I was five years old.

Conversations typically are cut short by the fact that Mom is no longer able to follow them. Not only do I fear leaving her embarrassed, but it hurts to hear her answer in ways that appear clueless. I guess I still haven't learned how to "live in the moment" with her. I'm not even really sure how.

12 comments:

  1. Just came across you blog today from Smiles
    and I had some thoughts.

    Topics for your mom:
    Try talking about recipes and how to make favorite foods. Another thing to talk about is old family stories you have heard 100 times. Sometimes forgetful people can still remember the past better then the present.

    Another thing. First off Thank God the baby is better, but I would think the baby got the strep B from the mom-that is what usualy happens. If she was not treated I would see a lawyer- this is so serious for a baby to get this.

    The standard of care is the following.

    "It is now the standard of care in the USA and several other countries for all pregnant women to be routinely tested for GBS at 35–37 weeks of each pregnancy (unless already positive in their urine in current pregnancy.)"

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    1. Hello anonymous! I am the baby's mom. :) I was tested for Group B about 5 weeks before Jake was born, but my results came back negative. So in reality, there was nothing they would've done differently seeing as I had already been tested. Thankful I am that I have a God who loves us and hears our prayers. So many, many people were praying for little Jake and a quick recovery for him. Their prayers and the strength of our God got us both through this trial. And if my baby had not been in the NICU due to the Group B infection, we would not know that he has a heart condition called supraventricular tachycardia. Now we are able to be proactive and treat our little guy for his high heart rate. So I see the infection as a blessing in disguise. And I am thankful. :)

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  2. I am sorry about Mom. Maybe she asked how you knew her because she herself was drawing a blank about who this person is. Maybe she asked you to possibly jog her memory so she could remember.

    Now that I am better, I need to come and see you.

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    1. Maybe, Priscilla. It is so hard to tell. She remembers things I'd think she'd forget and forgets things I wish she'd remember. :(

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    2. PS. I will not be home Monday. I am going out with Shelly and our cameras.

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  3. I can see how that would be frustrating...and end a lot of conversations! There wouldn't be any, "Remember when..." kind of talking either. I appreciate your posts about your frustrations, though, and hopefully they are good for you, too, in putting your thoughts down in a concrete way!

    xo

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    1. It is good to write things down, when I can think of something to say. :)

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  4. When my Mom was dying of brain cancer she had memory issues. I was also flabbergasted sometimes too by her confusion, etc. The best advice I received in dealing with this came from the Hospice nurse. She told me to stop correcting her. So, I stopped trying to make her remember or fix her confusion.

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    1. I have mostly stopped trying too. I am glad I am not alone in this journey. God has blessed me in more ways than I could possibly remember.

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  5. I totally understand how it can catch you off guard because it has caught me off guard too. It is so shocking that I have a hard time not wondering if she is putting me on, but I know she isn't.

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    1. Rachel, sometimes I feel my own expression go blank as I try to figure out the best way to answer.

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  6. I am sure that despite her confusion she feels very safe with you.
    You are such a blessing, Martha.

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