Here I am, Little Jumping Joan...

When nobody's with me
I'm always alone.


So... here I am all alone and able to write something...

There have been a multitude of thoughts and emotions running through my mind the past few weeks, some that I never imagined possible. Much of it has been difficult. I am trusting that in the end God will use these things to strengthen and encourage... but enough of that...

It was a little rough at work this week. Confusion and hallucinations dominated the scene. Last night a local fireman's band came to play in the courtyard. We were inside but have a window to the courtyard, so I opened it up a crack so we could hear. My friend once played in a band and she perked right up when they got going. She sat in her recliner and led the band. I smiled.

It was all very fun and entertaining... until she began to see things. Suddenly she was no longer in her recliner but up on the roof. Maybe she thought she was watching a parade. She pointed toward the floor and suggested we "go down there" but really there was nowhere to go. Each new number had her returning to the roof in her mind and she was getting more frightened and anxious as time went on. I closed the window but, although slightly muffled, the sound of the band still came through.

Soon the time came for me to sign out and go home. The night nurse came in and my friend was helped into bed. The journey several feet across her room was not made without panicked howls of terror as she was certain we would fall from the precipice. No amount of calm words would assuage her fears and even after she was settled in bed with the covers pulled up her mind returned to our need to "get down from here."

Her face was drawn and fearful. I pulled a chair up close to the bed and held her hand. The "parade" I told her had gone on down the road, but she wasn't having it. Rather than go home and leave her to worry alone, I decided to sit out the concert. When the band started to pack up their things a little before 8pm, I put a CD in the player and turned on an instrumental recording of Hymns of Prayer. It had calmed her several hours earlier and I hoped it would do the same once I kissed her goodnight and went home.

PS. Rachel went to see Tim today and came home with another blessing. (See here.)