One More September

One more September is slipping by, marking another year without Dad. The tears don't flow often these days, even though I still miss him terribly, but Sunday morning at church we sang "Mansion Over the Hilltop" and the emotion welled up. It usually is music that brings the tears, and often unexpectedly.

I'm afraid, in so many ways, that I have failed my parents. The past year has brought to light just how far I fall short of being all that I should be in Christ. I am not who I had hoped to be, and I am not even who I thought I was. I've not counted the task before me the privilege that it really is, nor have I been able to completely shake the nagging, negative attitudes that creep in almost daily. I have found myself in need, in need of His strength and daily help.

I sit here and type as my father sings. "Are you trusting fully in the Savior's power..." Since my dad's passing we have changed our place of worship. It was a change we didn't want and sometimes still don't want. There are times I walk away from church hungry, feeling almost more empty inside than when I entered, and I long for the deep, life changing messages we once heard. Will it ever be the same again? Will I feel the closeness of my Savior that I felt in years past? Will He be there to provide the grace and encouragement I will need when it comes to life's next great challenge? I know He will, but today He feels so far away...

I am blessed beyond measure to have had a dad who held on to the very end, a dad who prayed for us and lived out everything he believed. His constant faith gives me strength to carry on even when discouragement comes my way and I am eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for such a gift. Now, with a small grandson on my lap I feel a great responsibility to live what I know is true and good.