Rocks and Hard Places

If the events of last year were difficult, this year they are monumental... My dad's cancer battle, from our perspective, was short lived. What remains is an ongoing battle with our own inner thoughts and decisions. For the better part of our lives the affairs of our parents are not any of our business. Mom and Dad take care of their own financial decisions, decide when to come and go, do what they want when they want to, and answer only to God, and we, their children, learn to make all those same decisions for ourselves. It is part of growing up.

Remember the struggle throughout the teenage years? Independence was yearned for, fought for, and eventually achieved, but rarely did it come without a battle or two of some kind. Now we are in reverse. The independence Mom has had for over sixty years is waning. She is tethered to an oxygen machine, depends on others for all her outside needs, and tends to be forgetful in matters of all kinds. But, she still wants to make her own decisions, especially decisions regarding her home of fifty-two years. I can hardly blame her.

For the past year my son and his wife have lived with Mom in her home. They looked out for her welfare, made sure she was fed and took her medication on time. They dealt with her repeated questions, watched her taken by solicitors, and worried for her safety. They tried to enlist our help but what we were able to offer was limited, sometimes by our proximity to the situation and sometimes by our own lack of knowledge. We all knew changes needed to be made, but no one knew exactly what to do. We even sought professional help which brought us to change her phone number and have her mail forwarded to my house. It was also decided that my son and his wife needed to move as the pressure on them was heavy. They said they needed time to be a family and space to raise their little boys. Their move would necessitate a move for Mom, and thus we began exploring options.

As we searched out options for Mom, complications ensued. Mom decided, independent from us, that if she wouldn't be living in her house, my son and daughter in law should rent it. In some ways this seems an easy solution, but in other ways it leaves us backed into a corner. Mom can not manage renting her house alone, so that responsibility will naturally fall to either myself, my sisters, or one of our husbands. Our insistence on the house being vacated for the time being has been met with fierce resistance, both from Mom, who wants to rent it for dirt cheap, and, for the moment, from the occupants. After a year of paying no rent or utilities, they have no resources to move.

It feels like my family is falling apart. Life is not perfect, instead it dishes up challenges that we must overcome, some of them bigger than we really want to face. I do not know what is down the road and around the corner, I can only hope that the road once again becomes smooth. Until then the bumps threaten to throw us from the vehicle and leave us bleeding on the side of the road.

We have downloaded a rental agreement and hope to fill it out and have it signed in the next few days. I pray everyone can agree to its conditions. Maybe there is hope yet for restored relationships. We have a God of miracles and it is a good thing because we desperately need one.