Thursday, November 27, 2014

I Miss Them Most on Holidays

I miss my mom and dad most on holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas. Dad's presence always drew us together. His way was calm and encouraging, he never made fun or made us feel small or insignificant, instead he came alongside with a love and support not often seen. He showed up at family gatherings with his Bible and a prayer, leading by example, and drawing us in.

Sometimes I forget there are family members who never knew my dad. There are great grandchildren who never sat on his lap and listened to a story, who never heard him sing or watched him play his harmonica. They've missed out on knowing what it was like to have him wrap his arm around their shoulder or lift their name up in prayer, to have his encouragement in an endeavor, or a listening ear when discouraged.

And then there was Mom. I called her every day for probably ten years, driving my husband nuts every time the phone bill arrived. She always had time to take a phone call, to love me through tears and trials, to watch my children while I ran an errand, or to share a cup of tea and some face to face time. She left us slowly, and for a long time I didn't even realize she was slipping away... I missed her today. I missed her enthusiasm for baking pies, for the gathering of family, and for the little ones she would have taken such delight in 30 years ago.

I miss what is past and the tears sting, but I am so grateful for the years we had together, for the example my parents were to me, and for the hope that one day I can at least partially fill the gap they left behind.


  1. Ah, you're right where I am today. I missed my parents, too. Don't even know where my dad was today...with my younger sister, I'm assuming.

    Hold on to those good memories....they are precious! I'm sorry you missed your parents, though. I hope the day was still a good one full of love and togetherness.

    I've decided the best thing for me to do is break the cycle of my family dysfunction and pain... and begin a new cycle...a new normal for my little family around my table today and the following generations. It's starting with me...and there's no way to go but forward. :) Perhaps in time that will fill the huge void I feel. :)

    How was dinner at Bethany's? Were your pies all gobbled up? Any left for breakfast? :)

    1. I had no idea about your family situation Betsy....
      How sad....
      You are a wonderful person.....and deserve better....
      I also have a dysfunction with my 2 existing siblings.....long story....another time...
      Glad you have your 5 men....and Lauren. ♥️

  2. Hi Martha....
    First of all...
    Happy Thanksgiving!
    Second of all.....
    You write the most beautiful posts....your words really touch my heart...
    Your folks must have been wonderful people...
    You are truly were they....
    This is your first Thanksgiving without your dear Mom....
    It will get me.....
    Better.....but never forgotten....
    Chin up my are surrounded by a wonderful family.....enjoy!
    Betsy and you both need a hug....
    Here's one from me.....♥️

  3. Martha, you're not supposed to make your baby sister cry on Thanksgiving. ;) I miss them terribly too.

    1. (or your blog friends!) ha.

      where's the 'like' button? :)

  4. Martha, I join you today in missing parents. All of sudden it seemed, mine were gone way to early, and left me as the patriarch of our little family. I still struggle to keep us siblings together with each of our children, and their children. Already it's becoming difficult to do even once a year. But my parents, like yours, kept us together, supported us, and loved us. Cherish your memories, and keep writing these beautiful posts. And tell your children and grandchildren ALL those wonderful stories!

  5. I saw the tears in your eyes as you left today and tears gathered in mine. I miss them too. I wish they were here... They brought us all together and loved us no matter what. Encouraged. Hugged. Were proud of each of us. Prayed for us... every day. Can we hit rewind and have them back again? Just one more Thanksgiving? With Grandpa reading his Bible and Grandma puzzling after the dishes are washed... Maybe we'll sing some songs or Grandma will let me play records on the victrola... It hurts today. Sometimes more than others. And yet life goes on, though on occasion slows enough to look back and remember the tick-tock of their living room clock, the orange glow from the corner lamp, and Grandpa's knees sticking out way beyond mine as I sit beside him on the couch. I want to love Jesus like he did/does. I love people like she did.

    I love you mom.

    1. The good part of it is, it's only a temporary separation...a very short one! :)

  6. This made me cry too. I missed my parents fiercely yesterday. Your parents were treasures, and have left behind quite a legacy in you and your siblings, and children. You have been mightily blessed.

  7. I just got teary-eyed over missing them earlier today. I often feel like I am not coming even close to the example they were to me.

  8. This might be the hardest Thanksgiving ever...