Abiding Alone

Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine and you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me, you can do nothing.

John 15:4-5

Could it be that I am  finally reaching a turning point? After a year of trying to do it on my own, have I made it to the place where I finally realize that I can never do this job without Him? Insufficient, incapable, and inept; this is me. Thankfully, I am not alone. He is with me, and He is all-sufficient, more than capable, and totally competent.

I have learned this lesson before. Wasn't it ten years ago when I wrote the note I would find months later, hidden away in my closet? "This dying to self is no fun. Why can't somebody else die once in a while?" It was a lesson in letting go, and here I am learning the lesson all over again with someone different.

Perhaps God leaves us to ourselves, to struggle and fail, in order that we come to the end of ourselves. Maybe He doesn't want it to be easy. Could it be, like giving the old testament law to the Children of Israel, He has given me this job of taking care of Mom, to show me just how much I need Him, and just how much He loves me? I think perhaps that's true.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

Philippians 4:13