Thursday, May 14, 2009

"That's Not How Mommy Does It"

Being a Grandma is a whole lot different than being a mom. The little people God sends along "belong" to us, but not really. It is not Grandma's job to decide when Baby will start eating solids, when he will be potty trained or whether he will attend preschool. Sometimes we do things different than Mommy or Daddy. It's not because we are trying to spite them or prove our way is better, it's just because we are different people. Grandma hasn't neglected Baby because she changed his diaper less than Mommy or let him cry himself to sleep. She knows that diapers are expensive and when her own children were small, she changed diapers only when they really needed to be changed. And crying never hurt Baby, it taught him to settle himself when other tasks were calling, at least in Grandma's days as Mommy.
Grandma doesn't mind if Mommy wants to put Baby on the potty several times throughout the day, she just isn't ready to do that herself. She just found potty training less of a struggle when she waited and prefers to fight other battles right now. Grandma walks a fine line never knowing when her advice or opinion are needed, wanted, or appreciated. She's doing the best she can to do things like Mommy would, but sometimes its hard to know just what that is.


  1. Hi Papa!
    I'm glad somebody out there knows what I'm talking about.

  2. Welcome to Grandparenthood. It's better in someways than parents, but sooo frustrating in others. Are ya questioning your teaching skills yet? Like, what did they learn from me about parenting? Papa is teaching me to "let go" albeit I'm a slow learner. I tend to have an Iron Claw when it comes to "mine".

  3. Oh I've walked that line many times.... you said it masterfully!

    I'm still walking it with the great grandsons....

    The the blessing out-weigh the other.

    LOL:Grandma Wanda

  4. I think it is just plain normal.
    My mom and I had it that way a bit, too. Opposite though. My mom thought it was terrible I left wet diapers on as long as I did. I my boys were almost 3 before we broke out the potty. [I shoulda waited longer for my girls, too, but fell into peer pressure! Who knew moms of three/four did that!!??]

    I already imagine that I will have palpitations and sleepless nights if my kids do things differently than I do. [I think I will need sedation if they send them to school!]

    Hang in there, Martha. I don't expect you will be heading Home anytime soon, but I trust you will hear, "Well done, My good and faithful servant." Just keep loving on them [and us in the internet-world]. I'll say extra prayers for gentle transitions as your days with Troy close out here.

  5. ouch - my post needs editing... forgive me and have a good weekend!
    ♥ stacy

  6. I find it interesting.. they don't want you to "give" them advice, but when they have a question, they expect that we know everything!! I'm able to spend time alone with Susan and her son, and I've assured her that I'm making no judgements, that babies do cry, some more than others, who really knows why? I've let her know that she's free to do things differently than I have, and then I ask God to help me give her freedom! Now I can understand, just a little bit, what my own mother went through with her 47 grandchildren! We live and learn. It's easy to see how we'd do things differently, and that's just fine! I can see that you work hard at "having it good" with your kids and grandchildren, Martha! God has truly blessed you, with wisdom, along with many other things!! By the way, he couldn't be cuter!!