More Bits and Pieces

 * Unbeknownst to me, three of my offspring boarded a plane last weekend and flew from Toronto to Halifax, Nova Scotia. (They're all grown up and allowed to go where they will, but as a mom, I wish they would let me know when they take off like that...) They went to find their dad and three aunties. The flight back to Toronto on Sunday was cancelled due to inclement weather and they weren't pleased with the offering of a flight back on Thursday, so they rented a car in Halifax and caravanned home through the northeastern snowstorm with their dad who had driven up the day after his mom's passing. In spite of ice and freezing rain, a pile up on I-90 early Monday, and blowing snow, they arrived home safely Monday night. On Tuesday my daughter took the Canadian rental car back to the Toronto Airport to retrieve her brother's car. (Photo of the lighthouse at Peggy's Cove borrowed from my son Ben.)

* We have been plunged into the deep freeze. Ice and snow on Sunday. Churches closed and the roads were treacherous. I picked up my son Joe at his apartment around 1pm and we drove to Bethany's house to pick up the keys to Ben's apartment. We fed Smoky and hung out with her for a while before heading into Rochester to see Nathan and his band play a show. (I'd purchased tickets ahead of time not knowing the weather.) After the show we returned the keys to Beth's house and went home. 

* Monday was bitter cold but the sun was shining bright when I returned home from work. It seemed a shame to waste the beautiful day so I donned my boots, winter coat, hat, neckie, and warm gloves and took a walk down by the lake. I did not stay long, just long enough to walk from the parking lot at the top of the hill, down the hill and across to the little bridge over the creek. My fingers ached with the cold but I persevered and came home with some nice photos. Without the neckie protecting my neck, chin, cheeks, and nose, I would not have made it that far. 

* It's been a week of snow and arctic temperatures (much of it wind chill), and my coworkers are "so over the snow!" I'll be over it in another month but have purposed to enjoy the cold of February. It will be summer in no time at all and then we will complain about being "too hot!" 

* Family in town this weekend. It remains to be seen how many with whom we'll connect. We're all hoping to join the Celebration of Life in Halifax via Zoom on Saturday, along with a bazillion others scattered across the continent in both Canada and the US.  Prayers are appreciated.

Sunday in the Park

We had a picnic on Sunday, my local kids and me, and it was wonderful. It had been set in order to welcome a new family member, although he's all grown up and has been for some time...

Back in February, while doing some online research, Hannah discovered her dad had a previously unknown sibling. I won't get into the why's and how's right here, but he is a genetic half sibling to James. A bit of DNA and several months searching online databases led Hannah to this discovery about six months ago. "The Uncle" and his wife had planned a visit but were exposed to the dreaded pandemic virus just in time for it to manifest its presence during their impending visit and so the meeting has been postponed and will be rescheduled at a future date.

The picnic. Bethany rented a pavilion and we gathered at the park, a practice picnic of sorts. The weather was brilliant, the food delicious, and the company sublime. I spent the afternoon with my kids and it was nothing short of lovely.

Behind the Times

 Florida, at least a portion, came to visit. Jim and Austin (Number 6) flew into town the morning of June 30. I took a few days off work to play.

Thursday, June 30- Jim and Austin arrived in Rochester at about 9 am, Just in time for coffee and a donut. Or maybe a breakfast sandwich. We had some fun playing mini golf that evening.

Friday, July 1- Orbaker's for lunch and some time at Sodus Point on the Beach. The lake was churning up some seaweed and although Austin didn't go in the water, some of the cousins did.

Saturday, July 2- Hannah and Sergio (with Idris and Kili), Bethany (with Jill and Henry), Jim and Austin (with me) packed a picnic lunch of peanut butter and jelly and headed for Watkins Glen State Park. We were lucky to get parking spots in the same lot (really lucky!). There were four tour buses full of tourists who filled the glen and made the experience unique. 

On the way home we stopped at a little cemetery to leave some flowers on the grave of a much loved friend, to remember him fondly, and shed some tears. He died as a child when my own were children 31 years ago. Much loved and forever missed.

Sunday, July 3- We stayed home, mostly. The guys went to a Red Wings baseball game in the evening. Hannah and I stayed home with Killian.

Monday, July 4- We collected some family, ate pulled pork and cole slaw sandwiches, salt potatoes, and pretzel salad. Later in the afternoon Jim took Austin to a cookout/fireworks display at Dave's house.

Tuesday, July 5- It was forecast to rain, and it did. Jim rearranged his itinerary and took Sabrina up on her offer to meet him at the Strong Museum of Play. Hannah and I stayed home to regroup. 

Wednesday, July 6- Seabreeze Day. A final outing at a longtime Rochester icon. I dropped Jim and Austin off at the gate around 11:30 am and went back home for Hannah, Idris, and Killian. The sky was overcast for a couple of hours, but it didn't rain and the sun eventually won the day. We each got to ride a few rides with and without kids, took turns sitting with those who couldn't or didn't want to ride, and enjoyed the experience. At about 5 pm I restarted the shuttle service and we went back home for a gathering of siblings and cousins with a campfire and s'mores.

I had hoped to get all of my seven in one picture. Everyone was in town, but it was looking like a gathering of all would not happen. (I'd begun taking pictures of myself and each of my kids individually instead...) I had six of my kids and 12 grandchildren in the backyard when Joe came walking through the garage. His coworkers let him take an hour off to be at the house with the rest of his brothers and sisters! Isn't that fabulous?!

This Weekend

 The weather has been absolutely gorgeous! What a weekend! It was so beautiful today that Sergio and I opened up the garage and dragged the picnic table out into the driveway for today's gathering of my kids and grandchildren. (It's my birthday tomorrow...) The afternoon was filled with food, fun, and action. They are loud, they are crazy, and they are wild. They are also mostly boys. Ha! It was beautiful and I am blessed beyond measure.

Yesterday was also lovely. My friend Gail picked me up late in the morning and we drove toward Syracuse to take part in a Quarter Auction fundraiser. There were plenty of lovely things to bid on, and we bid on plenty, but the drawings for the winners were random and we didn't win a thing, Ha ha! It was still fun and I would definitely do it again.

Back to work tomorrow. I stocked up on Birthday Cake Oreos to bring in for a treat.  I'm still counting birthdays backward and I'm all the way down to 33 again! It's quite fabulous!!! 

Pizza Night

It's been an incredibly great weekend. Not only was there a tea party with my granddaughter yesterday, but I had a very nice lunch at Chipotle with my son Nathan this afternoon. I got a peek at my Number 12 grandchild (Logan) and a hug from one of my favorite daughters in law. To top it off I made pizza for two more of my boys this evening. Joe and Ben came for dinner and a movie.

I can't even remember the last time I made pizza for my kids, and that is really sad because it was once upon a time a weekly occurrence. I even had to look up the crust recipe that I once knew by heart. My KitchenAid mixer was happy to help and the two new, giant sized, baking sheets were perfect for making one pizza with pepperoni, cheese, and veggies, and the other for a total veggie pizza. I plan to do this much more often in the future.

"Winter Storm"

"Winter Storm"

It's a curious term. At least it's curious to me. Isn't winter in upstate New York all about storms? And doesn't winter always come with wind, snow, sleet, and freezing rain? Oh, and below freezing temperatures? Aren't snow tires a necessity? And slippery, snow or ice covered roads a given? Has it really been winter at all without at least one "blizzard"?

When I was a young girl, forecast or not, winter storms typically roared in during the night with plummeting temperatures and swirling mounds of snow. We would lay in bed on week day mornings, ears trained on our radios, waiting for our town to be named in the list of school closings. An unanticipated holiday. A gift from above, in more ways than one. Not so today. Now days school closings are communicated by a call or text to parents, or decided the night before an impending storm is scheduled to arrive.

Today we had a real Snow Day. I went to work like usual because The Daycare never closes. We had one baby today instead of eight, but our toddler room was busy with 8 or 9 little people. The preschoolers combined into one class of about 7 or 8, and I think there were 6 or 7 school age kids. A grand total of about 25, give or take a couple. It was a good morning to visit my toddler friends during breakfast.

I was free to leave work by 1:15 pm and decided to head to Rochester and the pottery studio. I got a great parking place just outside the studio door. I'd bee inside the building less than 5 minutes and was talking with the resident artist who is my current instructor when my phone started to ring. "No one ever calls me..." I told her as I reached for my phone. I glanced at the screen which read "Flower City Art." Ha ha! It was Kate at the front desk in the office calling to tell me my evening class had been cancelled. I stayed to play for a while before heading home for the evening.

* I've made a connection with each of my kids this week and have a new sense of peace inside. In all the world there are none who mean more to me than my kids and grandchildren. Taking care of myself means making sure we stay connected.

The Wedding

I came to Minnesota because my son lives here, but the gentle nudge to follow through and actually book a flight came from my son's childhood buddy Dan. He called me back in April or May and said, "I'm giving you a verbal invitation to my wedding." An actual wedding invitation followed a few months later, but by then I'd already made the decision to be here. Dan has called me "Mom" for years now, and as much as he loves me, I am also grateful for his parents who stepped in to be family for my son when he first moved here twelve years ago.

The wedding was incredibly beautiful, and fun. I put my camera down for the ceremony. Actually, I left it in the care of my beautiful daughter in law who was sitting several rows behind me. I did not want the temptation in my hands because I knew there would be moments I wanted to capture, and there was a photographer for that. Instead, I sat in the front row with Dan's parents and another couple close to his heart. What an honor bestowed on me! I am humbled and grateful, and I love that boy!  (I stole a photo online.)

No pictures of the horses that carried the groom and bride to the ceremony. No shots of the dogs who came in with the bridesmaids. And no photos of the pooch turned ring bearer either. I took it in without distractions. This wedding, like those of my own children, had my full attention.

Congratulations, Dan and Rachel! I wish you every happiness!

God Knew

God is always in control. A sweet child of mine had a medical emergency this past weekend. I first heard of the trouble through a text Sunday morning while I was still in New Jersey. The request was for prayer. The surgery didn't happen until Monday. Emergency surgery. Life-saving emergency surgery.  Strange how sometimes things just happen, things beyond our control, and God just shows up. And then He waits to see if we notice He knew all along.

I may have been far away on Sunday morning, but on Monday I was back home, and not only was I home, but I didn't have to be at work until one o'clock in the afternoon. I had a doctor appointment at 10:45 am  and had originally planned to be at work on time and leave at 10 am, but my boss asked if I could come in at one and stay until six instead. Going in so late gave me plenty of time to run an errand to retrieve some grandchildren. After my appointment I had time to run in Wegmans and pick up a few lunch items for a grandkid lunch, take them home, and still arrive at work on time. Timing is everything and I find God's ability to arrange schedules quite astounding. (He's done this before...)

My child in need is home recovering. I was able to pay a visit last night after work. (Keeping the details vague. Perhaps this child of mine will tell the story one day or allow me to share. For now I'm respecting privacy and trying not to overstep boundaries.) Let me tell you, I am a much blessed mom.

Like Father, Like Son

I can't help but smile when I see my own children be great role models for their children. "I want to snuggle Logan like daddy does," my grandson told his mom. He's not yet five and he's doing a great job of snuggling his baby brother.

Nothing makes a mom's heart swell more than seeing her children love, care for, and protect their younger siblings. Number Seven might be territorial and protective when it comes to his toys, especially his dinosaurs, but it looks like he's off to a wonderful start when it comes to taking care of Number Twelve.

As for my own son, his love of babies goes all the way back to being a very small boy. He was just two years old when he became attached to his sister's abandoned doll, named her Elizabeth after a friend's baby, and took her all the way to New Mexico with us on vacation. Such a tender heart... and now his arms are full of his very own little ones and he is teaching them tenderness as well.

According to my daughter in law, Spencer "was so proud when Logan started to drift off into sleep."  She says, "More is caught than taught!" and you know, she is absolutely right. (I'm thinking that big boy caught a bit of the Baby Bug from his very own mom because there was nothing much sweeter than falling asleep with my very own baby snuggled in my arms.)

(I stole the pictures. You don't think they'll mind, do you?)

Ready or Not, Here It Comes

I thought I'd be ready for Chritmas, but I'm not. I'm running out of time and the pressure is on, but I'm sitting here with my computer, listening to Christmas music, and pretending I have all the time in the world. I did put a few things into gift bags last night and I wrapped some Christmas books for my grandchildren. I almost made cookies, but found I had no anise extract and wasn't ready to brave the grocery store twice in one day. Not on the Saturday before Christmas. So I didn't.

I still don't know exactly how or where I'll spend the majority of Christmas Day, but tomorrow afternoon I have plans to help the Cabinetmaker assemble lasagnas for the holiday meal. (Maybe I'll find my anise extract there...) Each Christmas gets progressively harder. I don't think it's supposed to be like this. How did I end up with grown up children who can't gather together in peace and harmony? What happened to the days of "writing nice things about each other" and "sitting on the couch touching"? The days of my own attempts at sibling peace are gone and all I can do is pray they work things out... It's out of my control. (Step 1. Admitted we were powerless over others- that our lives had become unmanageable.)

I must admit, I didn't spend much time as I'd wanted in preparing my own heart this Christmas. I'd intended on more anticipation, more thinking on the season of Advent, but doing it alone is challenging. There were no parties, not even a work party, and no children's Christmas pageants. (I'm not even sure my grandkids do those... ) Still, I have much to be thankful for, a new grandson, a roof that doesn't leak during cold, December rains, and a Savior who is the reason we celebrate. The Light of the World, remembered on the darkest day of the year.

Facing My Giants

My biggest fears in life surround my children. Not much different from any other parent out there. I desperately want them to know that I did everything I knew to teach them, love them, and protect them. I believe I was a good mom, but even good moms can't shield their children from every harm. I only want them to know that I would give my right arm to fix all the pain, to right all the wrongs, to be given the chance to do it over again.

I fear I may have not filled their boxes with all the tools necessary to get them through life. I fear that I have shortchanged them in my effort to protect them from the world. I fear substance abuse, death/serious injuries, and atheism. And I fear they will misunderstand me, think me foolish, or in their pain disregard my love for them altogether.

They all struggle, because life is made up of struggles. I am past being able to kiss away the pain or brush away the dirt. I have to let them go, let them do it on their own now, even when everything inside of me wants to spin the clock backward, hold them close, and rock them through the hurt once again. Instead I must entrust them to the one who saw their being while it was yet unformed (Psalm 139:16) and know that although I may never see it to fruition, He has a plan for each and every one of their lives. Sometimes it's just hard to trust.

And the pictures? That silly puppy who dances about The Lumberjack's feet and chews up his firewood. Because we all need something to smile about.

Letting Go a Little at a Time

Giving up the reins is hard. Even giving them over to those who care can be next to impossible...

It's been a long, hard week. I am tired and teary. I am blessed by a brand new grandson, and my heart, though full and happy for my daughter, aches just a bit because I know how much her heart will break when her child faces the struggles that come with life. She will never be the same.

I slept last night. I wasn't thinking about a daughter in the throes of childbirth. Hannah's labor and delivery are accomplished. She has a beautiful baby boy. Today they will take him home and start a new chapter of life.

I slept last night. I didn't have to worry about where my son was or if he was needing help. I knew he was surrounded by people who would give him what he needs and I knew he would finally be able to sleep too. This is another road I haven't been down before, but I know I'm not alone on the journey.

Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous-

3. Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

The Kids I Love

"A mother is only as happy as her saddest child..." my friend Karen

My daughter is due today so when I heard my phone chime this morning, I automatically assumed it was news. Instead the screen read, "I love you so much" and it was not a text from my sweet girl, but my heartbroken and aching son...

My heart jumped and I immediately pushed the button to call him. On the other end I found a broken and sobbing man. My little boy. One who once snuggled down next to me for long naps, who had the softest ears ever, and who used to look up at me and say, "Mom... I neeeeeed you."

No details, just a mother's plea for prayers. Again.

Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous-

1. We admitted we were powerless over others - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Snow and an Italian Breakfast

Last weekend's early spring snowstorm was "tolerable," but I have to admit, I was severely disappointed to discover a wintry landscape outside  my window this morning. It's time for long orchard walks, daffodils, and sunshine.

The Cabinet Maker celebrated a birthday this week. I decided to do something different and made a stop at Leo's Bakery on the way home from work. I bought six chocolate chip cannolis, had them put five in a box, and the remaining one in a bag. I took the boxed treats home to share with the birthday boy and the rest of the household, and the remaining one I took across the street from Leo's to one of the collision shops on Despatch Dr.

Our youngest son is the parts manager at Bob Hasting's Collision. I taped the bakery bag shut and wrote a note on the outside, "Ben, Because you're my favorite," and took it to the lady at the front desk. She smiled and called my boy to the front office over the loud speaker. He seemed genuinely pleased and surprised, and I am a firm believer that every one of us should know we mean the world to someone, even if it is our mom.

Joe and Sabrina split a cannoli the other night which left one in the refrigerator this morning. It made a perfect breakfast with my cup of coffee. And I shared the remaining half with my favorite Sabrina.

Leap Year Happenings

I've given up Mondays at the facility. Now it's time to start working on an alternative plan. Several possibilities are rolling around in this tiny brain of mine. A vegetable garden, honey bees, chickens... baker of cookies, maker of pies, painter of pictures... Time will help me make the decision.

Since I didn't need to be at work this afternoon, I went to visit my daughters and smile at my grandchildren. Hannah was over at Beth's coloring pictures with Jakie. We decided to have tea, and a little later bit of lunch. Beth served homemade soup and grilled cheese stick sandwiches. After we'd eaten I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and helped Hannah fold what was left of Beth's clean laundry before heading for home.

It was strange to look at the clock in my van and realize how early in the afternoon it was. Not quite 2 o'cock. I took the long way home.

First I drove down to the Irondequoit Bay outlet for a few photos and then all the way down Lake Rd to Pultneyville, stopping here and there to stick my camera out the window if something caught my fancy. A cold wind blowing off the lake kept me from venturing too far out onto the Irondequoit pier, parking and walking down to the shore, or keeping the van window open for long.

A man and his dog walked farther down the pier than I cared to. He assured me it was bitterly cold at the water's edge. I took his word for it  and rather than tie my hood on my head, pull on my mittens, and be brave, I decided to shoot from a distance and head back to the safety of my van.

Tomorrow, unless I hear something different, I'll be spending the day with my friend G at the facility.

Ready or Not

The rooms are ready, but I'm not exactly sure when the occupants will arrive...

Nate and Sabrina have until tomorrow to be out of their apartment. I imagine they will be here when I get home from work tomorrow evening. Their bed is all made and waiting. Moving is exhausting so I figured it's the least I could do.

The other end of the room has been cleared for Spencer's crib and anything else that may arrive with the little family. Once upon a time it housed three boys with their beds and dressers, so I think it will be fine for a family of three. (Watch. They'll probably want to move the bed to this other end of the room... Cape Cod roof lines can make furnishing rooms a challenge and this is the shortest furniture in the bunch. Even the crib is taller.)

Hannah's old room has been turned into a temporary bedroom for Joe. He'll have to put his belongings on the shelves and deal with James' inversion contraption, but I'm sure he won't mind. He'll likely turn himself into a bat (hanging upside down) every once in a while too.

I must admit, it does have a cozy kind of look even if the box spring and mattress are on the floor. Perhaps, while I'm thinking about it, I'll go remove Hannah's paraphernalia from the door. I don't think she'll mind.

The Empty Nest

Forgive me a few more wedding photos (and maybe an extra blog or two today) as I sort through "brain files" and get used to having an empty nest. The funny thing is my nest has never been empty, not even to start with. Jimmy came along very
soon after we were married (he just turned 34 yesterday) and we did a great job of filling our house with noise and activity. There were many times I was exhausted and longed for a break, but I loved having kids. They make great friends as adults, even if I do have to let them grow up and fly away. Letting them grow up and start their own lives has not been so difficult. I've let go gradually through the years, but now the house is strangely empty and the girls and boys who once accompanied me on trips to the store, the ones who listened to me ramble on and ate the cookies I baked, they've all grown up.
All is not lost and I am blessed, because I have a good relationship with my grown up kids. They still love me, in spite of myself, and they don't seem to mind hanging out with me on occasion. I haven't seen them roll their eyes or heard them groan when I come around the corner, even if I do have a secret fear of that happening. I desperately want us to be best friends and I desperately miss the funny things they say and their crazy antics. I hate being without them and love seeing them grow up all in the same moment. I'm proud of who they are and I am blessed to be their mom. And I still want to hide away in a corner somewhere and have a good cry.

Authors and Illustrators

Sometimes it's a little hard not to miss my kids when they were little. Hannah found a treasure while cleaning her closet the other day. It made me smile to read that she and Ben had worked on this story together. He wrote out the words, "One Day A cowBoy was RiDing ALong..." and Hannah drew the pictures. How cute is that?

Those Cousins

Almost twenty years ago both of my sisters and I had new babies. Allen (wearing the hat) arrived in early March, Michael (with the hair) in mid-April, and Hannah (She's bald...) made her appearance a little more than halfway through July. My parents gained two grandsons and a second granddaughter. (It only took them just under ten years to acquire granddaughter number two. It's taking us four...)

Mom and Dad always hosted holiday picnics when the weather was warm; Memorial Day, July 4th, and Labor Day. Everyone looked forward to family gatherings in Grandma and Grandpa's back yard. In September of 1995 we decided to take what we though might be annual photos of our newest family members.

I'm not sure what became of our plan. Maybe we couldn't get them to be still, or maybe we ended up in different places on those long weekends. Perhaps it was because I hadn't yet discovered the beauty of digital photography. Whatever the reason, I did manage to capture the three at one year old. I have pictures of both the boys "driving" the car, and several of Hannah using it for a house. She even climbed through the back window.

I never even thought of getting a picture on Saturday, but before heading out Hannah asked if I would take their picture. They couldn't remember the exact order of the infant photo, but I kind of like the variety in this collection. They're all grown up now. Well, mostly... and I love this newest picture of them. I can't believe how great they all turned out to be and I'm proud of every one.