Family Time

Monday, February 24, 2025

It was a whirlwind weekend. Jim flew into town on Friday afternoon to join the family in watching Grandmanita's Celebration of Life in Halifax via Zoom on Saturday afternoon. On Friday my kids gathered here and we cooked breakfast for dinner, or "brinner" as Hannah calls it. We had French toast, sausage and bacon, hash brown patties, and fruit salad. 

We had an easy time connecting to the Celebration of Life but the sound did not come through loud and clear. Computer programs are designed to filter "background noise" and they can get confused as to what should be filtered. The closer the mike was held to a mouth, the better we could hear. It was pretty amazing to see family scattered across the two countries.

Jim asked on Friday evening if he could go to church with me on Sunday. I picked him up yesterday morning on my way into the city. It felt amazing to have him there with me. It's been a long time since any of my kids sat with me through a regular church service. We stopped at an Italian bakery (Leo's) on the way home and the family gathered again mid afternoon for some chili and a final evening together. 

Friday, February 28, 2025

James's oldest sister was in town for the week. I saw her briefly on Saturday afternoon when I went over to Bethany's house a couple hours after the Celebration of Life. She was sitting at the table in the kitchen where a game of Scrabble was being played. I said hello, she answered, and then leaned over and whispered in my son Dave's ear, asking him to take her around the corner to a cousin's house. She hugged the family, said her goodbyes without looking at or addressing me, and went out the door. This is divorce. I hadn't seen her since Jim and Michele were married in 2013. She made no attempt to see Hannah while she was in town, much, I think, to Hannah's relief. 

Our world feels turned upside down lately. My country feels strange and scary... a large portion of the church feels cold and callous... I no longer recognize people I have known for years... I fear for friends and neighbors... and my children and grandchildren... I am ashamed of our leadership... In another week or so we will welcome a new little life into our home. We will wrap him in our arms and pray for his safety and success. We will love him and teach him to love others, especially the least of them.

 

Thursday

(Pictures sent from Florida by my daughter.)

More goodbyes were said today and there are more to come tomorrow. I am ready to start my new job the Monday after my return from Cape Cod. All the paperwork has been filled out the PPD test read. All the background checks and fingerprint requirements are computerized. Everyone so far seems cheerful and friendly. I am looking forward to working in my hometown.

In other news, my oldest daughter has been in Florida this week and had the pleasure of visiting my eldest son and his family. It makes my heart smile to see the pictures, and Lord knows I needed to smile this week! What a great bunch of grandkids I have!

That's Josh in the white T shirt, Jake with the cowboy hat and Henry on his lap. Parker is squeezed in between Henry and Jonah and Jill is stretching her mouth into a silly face. Austin has long, curly hair and Charlotte is dancing in front. Those are grandchild numbers 1, 5, 6, 8, 11, 13, 14, and 17. Eight of my seventeen.

Behind the Times

 Florida, at least a portion, came to visit. Jim and Austin (Number 6) flew into town the morning of June 30. I took a few days off work to play.

Thursday, June 30- Jim and Austin arrived in Rochester at about 9 am, Just in time for coffee and a donut. Or maybe a breakfast sandwich. We had some fun playing mini golf that evening.

Friday, July 1- Orbaker's for lunch and some time at Sodus Point on the Beach. The lake was churning up some seaweed and although Austin didn't go in the water, some of the cousins did.

Saturday, July 2- Hannah and Sergio (with Idris and Kili), Bethany (with Jill and Henry), Jim and Austin (with me) packed a picnic lunch of peanut butter and jelly and headed for Watkins Glen State Park. We were lucky to get parking spots in the same lot (really lucky!). There were four tour buses full of tourists who filled the glen and made the experience unique. 

On the way home we stopped at a little cemetery to leave some flowers on the grave of a much loved friend, to remember him fondly, and shed some tears. He died as a child when my own were children 31 years ago. Much loved and forever missed.

Sunday, July 3- We stayed home, mostly. The guys went to a Red Wings baseball game in the evening. Hannah and I stayed home with Killian.

Monday, July 4- We collected some family, ate pulled pork and cole slaw sandwiches, salt potatoes, and pretzel salad. Later in the afternoon Jim took Austin to a cookout/fireworks display at Dave's house.

Tuesday, July 5- It was forecast to rain, and it did. Jim rearranged his itinerary and took Sabrina up on her offer to meet him at the Strong Museum of Play. Hannah and I stayed home to regroup. 

Wednesday, July 6- Seabreeze Day. A final outing at a longtime Rochester icon. I dropped Jim and Austin off at the gate around 11:30 am and went back home for Hannah, Idris, and Killian. The sky was overcast for a couple of hours, but it didn't rain and the sun eventually won the day. We each got to ride a few rides with and without kids, took turns sitting with those who couldn't or didn't want to ride, and enjoyed the experience. At about 5 pm I restarted the shuttle service and we went back home for a gathering of siblings and cousins with a campfire and s'mores.

I had hoped to get all of my seven in one picture. Everyone was in town, but it was looking like a gathering of all would not happen. (I'd begun taking pictures of myself and each of my kids individually instead...) I had six of my kids and 12 grandchildren in the backyard when Joe came walking through the garage. His coworkers let him take an hour off to be at the house with the rest of his brothers and sisters! Isn't that fabulous?!

The Tapestry Has Two Sides

I've been watching adoption reunion videos this past week or so and feeling an incredibly real piece of the pain birth moms face when they decide to give their child away. When I first learned I was pregnant at seventeen, I had no clue what would happen to my baby. The only thing I knew for certain was that I would grant him the gift of life. I didn't know if I would be granted the gift of keeping him, and I can still feel the pangs of panic deep inside when I remember the thoughts of letting my baby go. No knife ever cut so deep into my heart. I am forever grateful for the gift he is, for our life together, and for the man he has become. Jim, you are loved more than words can tell.

 

This is my brother Dan. When I was a little girl I thought being adopted was the best thing in the world, except I wasn't adopted. My mom often told the story of the night a six day old baby was placed in their arms, how they'd had to borrow clothes, diapers, and bottles because his arrival was so unexpected. The story was amazingly wonderful, but it only told one side of the story. When I considered placing my own unborn child for adoption, the heartache of my brother's birth mom became painfully obvious. "Don't you want him?" my mother had asked, and she had answered, "Yes, but I have nothing to offer him." 

 

Years after my brother's passing, I took my own mind back in time and grieved my own loss of him. Although I knew he loved me, we had never been close. Perhaps I had been just as much a source of competition for him as he had been for me. By the time we had something in common, our sons, he was too far away to reach, and then he was gone.

 

It wasn't until about 1998 that my experience with a teenage pregnancy and my brother's adoption story came together in an unexpected turn of events. A stranger in my town lost her father to cancer. My aunt had come upon the obituary in the local newspaper and shared it with my mom. The man's mother was still living, and she was my brother's birth mom. 

 

I remember mulling the information over in my mind, but I've forgotten exactly how it all played out. I knew there was a family out there missing my brother. I couldn't help them find him, but perhaps I could help give them answers. I don't remember how long I waited before making a connection. I do remember being scared to death, and shaking on my end of the phone.

 

The conversation resulted in us being able to share photos and stories with a sister who had been looking for her baby brother her entire life. She couldn't have known how brokenhearted I was for her, or how deeply I felt her pain and disappointment. I so wish I'd been able to give her more than stories and old photographs...

The Barn Collective

There is nothing more wonderful than a little boy with a toy barn full of animals! Unless, of course, he is playing with his daddy.

"Daddy, will you play with me?" he asked. And his daddy was more than happy to oblige, even though he hadn't yet showered and was still dressed in his jammies.

Father and son proceeded to pull the farm animals, people, fences, and equipment out of the bucket of toys and set up the barnyard. Austin sang "Old McDonald" while they worked. It's his favorite song much to the dismay of his maternal grandfather who is also named McDonald.

Austin was pretty sure the farmer lived inside the barn with the animals. His daddy tried to explain that the farmer and his family lived in a farm house, but the child remained skeptical.

They don't sell toys quite like these anymore...

Once upon a time there were children in my house every day. Now most days my house is empty and the toys are silent and still. Though I appreciate floors and carpets free of toys, I also have a love for seeing playthings strewn throughout the house. I'm sure I'll be finding small treasures underneath and inside of the furniture for weeks to come.
:0)

For more Barn Collective, visit Tom.

Random Acts of Kindness

A couple weeks ago I went into the local grocery store with The Trio of grandchildren. We were in search of Essential Everyday Penguin Crackers because Uncle Jim designed the penguin. Well, the original drawing was his... We also bought a stack of Essential Everyday Designer Cups, because well, Uncle Jim was the designer. As we stood at the register, a complete stranger, who we'd seen on our way in, handed me a bag. Inside was a giant chocolate bar. The cashier smiled and said he does that often. She has been the recipient before too.

I have been noticing little opportunities to spread smiles and kindness. This morning it came totally unexpectedly and suddenly. I neglected to go to Ladies' Prayer. I'd been out all day yesterday. I had an am. appointment, gave my son a ride to the bank, took an afternoon walk with my sister, and had an evening meeting as well. During my evening meeting I lent Ben my van so he could finish up his car buying deal. (It's really a truck.) So yeah, since I work all day today, I wasn't in a big hurry to run out again early this morning. I washed and dried some laundry and loaded up the dishwasher as well.

I was on my way to Hannah's house at about 10:15 am for a short visit, a mini loaf of banana bread in tow, when I drove through the construction going on in the Webster four corners. Just past the center of town, less than a mile from my daughter's house, a woman along the side of the road waved her hands at me. For some unexplained reason I pulled over. A look of utter relief flooded the woman's face. "Can you take me to the church on the corner?" she asked, "My car broke down and I was on my way to my Uncle's funeral. I've called everyone at the funeral and no one is answering their phone." She was wearing a dress and sandals. It was less than a mile to the church. A two or three minute drive, but a 15 minute walk in good shoes. I was more than happy to help. "I've never hitch-hiked before," she confessed.

I smiled back at her. "Well," I said, "I don't usually pick up hitch-hikers either." It worked out perfectly. We both ended up smiling. Me and Jane.

And when I handed her the banana bread, Hannah was smiling too.

Adding a Little Color

A package came from Minnesota. Inside was a gift wrapped present from my son with my name on it. "Don't open until your other present comes" it said. But when we talked to Jim on the phone, he said I could open it if I wanted to. Inside was a package of nice markers, the kind one can used to color those fancy adult coloring books... The markers got me excited because a few months ago I'd told Jim it would be really cool if he made me a coloring book for Christmas. I could hardly contain myself!

The following day an orange envelope appeared on my back porch. Inside I found a Coloring Calendar. Each month has a corresponding, hand drawn picture to color. How fun!

I made a few copies of the pictures, so I could practice, and then I shared with some small grandchildren who came to visit us this afternoon.

#5  bright colored packages tied up with strings
#6  pretty felt tipped markers
#7  surprises in the mail
#8  children, not only talented, but giving

A Camera in Tow

I was scheduled to work Monday, but took the day off to spend with my favorite mom in law. It was a relaxed kind of day and we wandered out into the yard, back into the orchard, and over to my friend Deborah's house, cameras in tow.

I found a piece of fall out by my mailbox. Just a little taste, but it was yummy.

Grandma loves trees. :0)

We drove back through the orchard, past the workers, all the way to Lake Road.

I can't resist "crate" shots like this one.

I didn't tell her I would be taking her to Deb's house, but I knew she would love it once we got there.

Inside Deb's Glass Nest are all sorts of wonderful things.

I'm not wanting to go to work today...

I'd rather stay home, write, and look at photographs.

:0)

PS. Happy 34th to my firstborn!

Designer Paper Plates

Believe it or not, I am starting to wonder where spring is hiding. As much as I am able to enjoy the cold and snow of February, when my birthday comes (and goes) I am looking forward to green grass and warm weather. It's not happening. It's snowing; big, fat, fluffy flakes of wet snow. No more snowmen for me this year. No snowball fights. No way, no how.

I'm ready for picnics outside and afternoon visits on the back porch. I'm ready to whip up a macaroni salad and show off my really super cool new paper plates. Check out the fancy design! Have you ever seen paper plates so cool? Of course, you haven't. Not until now.

I found two sizes of  Essential Everyday Designer plates in town at the IGA. They were both the kind with the colored pattern across the center and white trees outlined through the centers. I was disappointed to see they did not yet have the rest of the set out on the shelves. Perhaps I should tell the store manager that the designer was once a stock boy in their store, and that he grew up in this very town. Maybe everyone will get excited and buy them! :0) Okay, so maybe not everyone is as thrilled as his mom, but I am looking forward to bragging a little bit at some picnics this summer. I wonder if there are napkins to match?

A Repeat, Because It's Worth Repeating

Today my firstborn celebrates his 32nd birthday. It doesn't seem possible that so much time has passed since his arrival in this world.

Happy Birthday, Jim. You changed my life for the best!

During my junior year in high school I took a ceramics class. One of the assignments that spring was to make a slab box and fill it with things that told something about oneself. This is my box, this is what was inside, and this is my story.
In some ways it is a complicated story, and in other ways it is quite simple. During the summer of 1979, my neighbor's cousin came to visit him. The cousin and I became friends. We played Frisbee under the street lamps, hide and seek in the cornfield, and one summer night in late August he gave me my first kiss. I was fifteen. Young romances seldom pass the test of time and soon we were no longer a couple. We did, however, remain friends. During the course of time this friend of mine needed a place to live and my parents agreed to become his legal guardians. (Complicated part.) Sometime between my parents becoming legal guardians and my junior year of high school, this friend again became more than just a friend.

By the time my art teacher gave this assignment, we were "in trouble" and my heart and mind were in turmoil. The heavy hearted couple on the lid of my box is us, and inside are bits and pieces of Martha; my class pin, a lock of my hair, a small magnetic stone bearing my nickname... a flower, some seashells, a bookworm bookmark my mother once made me... an Apache tear from my brother, a poem I wrote, and a small metallic cross. The slab box with the couple on it's lid is also a music box which plays the "Skater's Waltz". (I originally asked for "Music Box Dancer" but the craft store didn't have it.) Each item inside says something about me or something I treasured but only hinted at the crisis inside my soul.
Much of the spring of 1981 is still a blur. I know I cried a lot and worried about what would happen to me, to us, and to our baby. I was certain I could not abort my child, I had seen pictures of what happened to tiny unborn babies, but when someone I trusted asked me if I wanted to do that, I momentarily wondered if that was really a solution... It is a frightening thought because I realized how easily a young girl could be convinced that aborting her child is the answer. I thank God that He had given me an answer to that question years before. I considered adoption. There was even a couple at our church who told my father they would take our baby. The tears flowed and my heart broke every time I even tried to consider it. In the end, my father ended up signing for both of us to get married. James' sister took us to New Mexico about a week or so later and in late September we became the parents of a beautiful baby boy. We were both seventeen. There have been hard times, yes, but being together and having our family together is something I wouldn't trade for all the world. I'm so glad we were given the chance. Sometimes it's hard to believe the two little people on the lid of the music box are really us, they look so sad. But we aren't there anymore. God has taken us beyond and given us life and hope and for this I thank and praise Him.

Another Peek at Baby

*Sigh* Isn't he beautiful?

I love his hair, I love his little face, and I love his little fingers. One day, not soon enough, I will hold this precious little guy, kiss sweet little head, and feel his silky baby hair against my cheek. I will watch his mommy smile and see his daddy beam with pride, and I will remember a day not so far back in my memory, when I kissed another small head of darkish hair as I held a tiny bundle in my arms.

We were young, so young, but the tiny bundle we held almost thirty-two years ago was no less precious, and as Jim finds himself awestruck and filled with a brand new kind of love, so did we. He says we were brave, but I was, in some ways, scared to death as I found myself entrusted with the life and care of my very first child. There never was a prettier, more perfect baby than my first.

Left Speechless

Sometimes I am left speechless... almost. When I feel at a loss for words, sometimes I am able to write instead. Here I am trying it out.

My oldest son called from Minnesota this evening. We made small talk for a minute and then he asked to talk to his grandma. He said he realized he hadn't talked to her since the wedding, and thought it would be a good idea to call her. I turned the phone to speaker (so she can hear) and told her it was Jimmy.

"Jimmy..." she repeated as though she was confused.

Jim said hello on the other end while his grandma continued to search her memory banks for who was on the other end of the phone. "It's your grandson, " he said.

"My grandson... " she answered, still unsure. "Who are your parents?" she asked him.

My heart sank, but the voice on the other end of the line remained steady. I wondered what he was thinking as he struggled to hold a conversation with the woman he shared a home with from the time he graduated from college in 2004 until he moved to Minnesota five and half years ago. She finally got it, and then went to extremes to let him know she understood who he was and how much she loves him. And then, she rather abruptly ended the conversation by saying she didn't want to run up his phone bill. He said it was okay, but she was intent on saying goodbye, told him it was nice talking, and ended the call.

I am left reeling once again.

On a bright note, my Aunt Margie came to visit today. Mom, so far, always knows who she is and is always glad for the visit.

PS. Don't miss my original post for today. It's about my grandchildren who came to visit for a few hours.

Baby Boys

This is a random post. It's been a day full of kids (there was no school) and I am ready to plop myself down on the couch and snuggle up to my man.

Tonight you get a random collage of my baby boys, in no particular order. I have to laugh at how different they all look, and I am amazed that I can see my grandchildren in these little faces even if the particular face looking back doesn't have any children yet. Aren't they beautiful? Well, I think they are and you can't convince me of anything different.

Happy Birthday Again

Today he's making me feel just a tiny bit older. This will happen when one's oldest child begins to creep into his thirties. My boy is 31 years old today. (Every year brings us a little closer to being peers, especially with me counting backward.)

I am blessed to know Jim is not alone on his birthday this year, even if he is far away. This year he has Michele to keep him company, and I like that.

Happy Birthday, Jim!

We love you!!!

On Becoming a Cuddler

Today I became a Cuddler in the NICU. Somebody's momma wasn't feeling up to par, so Grandma filled in and snuggled the baby for a bit. For an hour and a half I sat in the comfy chair with my grandson in my arms. It was quite possibly a once in a lifetime chance, in fact I don't think I've had the opportunity to hold a baby for that amount of time since my first son was born almost 31 years ago. Too many interruptions come along with second, third, fourth... babies, and now there are all my own babies to share my grandchildren with. It was wonderful to just sit and stare and love the little guy.

You might think the only thing in my life this past week was a new grandbaby, but we also had my son Jim and his fiance' Michele here for the weekend. It was another whirlwind trip for them. They even went down to Watkins Glen on Saturday and enjoyed a bit of the Finger Lakes. They came home with a grape pie! (To go along with the chocolate cheese cupcakes Michele brought from Minnesota. Oh, yum!) We love every moment we are able to spend with them and it feels like Michele has always been part of the family. They didn't get to hold the baby this time, but they did get to visit. Next time they will have another bouncing bundle to play with. How fun!

Dragging His Feet

I am still waiting for my grandson to arrive. I'd really like to hold him while he is still small...

Can I tell you how proud I am of my daughter? She is a trooper. I'm fairly certain she is tired of waiting for this baby to come, but she is taking each day as it comes and I haven't heard any complaints. Her due date came and went last week. She passed up her Auntie Kathy's birthday on Friday and Grandparent's Day yesterday, but she's taken advantage of the time by making a test run to the hospital Saturday morning, seeing a movie with a friend on Saturday (The Odd Life of Timothy Green), counting blessings yesterday, and running errands today. Tomorrow she goes back to the doctor's office.

I am looking forward to a busy weekend. My son's fiance' bought airline tickets for her and Jim to come home for the weekend. It was her surprise birthday present to him. It's his birthday, but it's like we're getting a present too! There are plans for chili and sopapillas, and I'm sure an apple pie or two will be finding their way into my oven. Can you tell I'm smiling?

Congratulations Are in Order

My son is getting married!

Yes, my son did just get married this summer and it was a wonderful wedding, a great celebration, but this is a different son and  new wedding.

My oldest son lives in Minneapolis and he is getting married. I was excited at the prospect of going to Minnesota for a wedding, but there is a very real possibility the wedding might take place here instead. This is due to the fact that my mother cannot travel and we have a "somewhat large" family without  a lot of money for vacations and such. It really might be a wonderful blessing to have the wedding here.

Ah, maybe Hannah and I can go to Minnesota on our next road trip. :)

The Countdown

Although I have two married children already, I have not yet had an as-it-happens wedding tale to share, so this will be a first. In just one short week, we will welcome a second daughter in law into our family. Nate and Sabrina are getting married. Although plans have been in place for months upon months, it still feels strange to think the day is almost upon us.

This will be a day of joy and sadness; joy at gaining Sabrina and the celebration surrounding the newly married couple, and sadness that Dave and Leta will not be there to share the event. We are not a perfect family. We struggle and endure pain just like everyone else we know... :'(

Jim will flying home for the wedding and he is bringing his new girlfriend, Michele. We are all looking forward to meeting her. If it weren't for the wedding, I'd say this might be the highlight of the weekend. :)

Pies in the Mail

I baked pies in jelly jars. I packed them into a box. It was a cardboard fruit basket with the dividers from my jam jar package tucked inside. I made the jam jar box into a lid by taking it apart, cutting it down, and putting it back together inside out. Then I put Jim's address on the lid, taped it up, took it to the post office, and mailed it off to Minneapolis. It arrived today, just in time for Jim's birthday.

I had a tough time getting my pie crust to behave on my first try. The shortening had gotten "old" due to our extended summer time heat wave. I bought a new can and tried again. Still not working... I decided maybe the flour was "old" too, but had run out of time and patience on Tuesday. I decided to forget it for the night and try again on Wednesday. With a new can of shortening, a fresh bag of flour, and some encouragement from Bethany, I managed success.

I don't know why somebody in Minneapolis doesn't open a pie shop. None of the bakeries I've seen online offer pies. So sad.

Baby Turns Thirty

It's something "old" people say, "Where did the time go?" but I find myself asking just that question. Somehow the years have slipped away, and the first tiny baby we brought home from the hospital, the one who changed our names to Mom and Dad, is turning 30...

Dear Jim,

I had a tough time making pie crust this week. I guess that long heat wave this summer wasn't good for either my shortening or flour, and I had to replace both those ingredients before I could work with the pastry. I'm still holding out hope that the pies will arrive at your house tomorrow. I think they turned out better this year than last. I hope you have some ice cream on hand, and maybe a candle or two or three.

I've never been good at birthday parties. I somehow always manage to wait too long to pull  them off in style, but each birthday brings with it a special longing for the child whose day it is, and a pile of memories to take me back in time. So, even though you are far away for this milestone birthday, you are in my thoughts today.

Happy Birthday, Jim!
I love you.

Love, Mom

PS. I don't have any new photos of you with Dad and me, so here you are with Grandmanita. She's better looking than me anyway. :)