Brutal

It's brutal out there.

On Wednesday I left my jacket in the car when I went into work. I wore short sleeves and was very comfortable. The wind kicked up on Wednesday evening, all through the night, and straight through to morning. The temperature dropped 40 degrees. It got cold. Last night the wind kicked up some more making the already cold out of doors brutally cold. The internet tells me it's 19 degrees with a windchill that makes it feel like 4. The chickens did not cross the road today. I'm pretty sure they stayed down under the barn as much out of the wind as possible.

I went to visit my youngest daughter and her wee one today. The baby was sleeping when I arrived but woke up not too much later. At one point she handed him to me. I said hello and smiled. He looked into my my eyes, made the saddest face ever, and burst into tears. I think Hannah was embarrassed, but I only laughed. I think he's getting attached to his momma, and that is a very good thing. Besides, he was so cute with that pouty little lip.


Nassa, the puppy, is learning tricks. The Cabinet Maker is working hard to train her and keep her busy. She already knows sit, lay down, beg, stay, come (sometimes), and crawl, and is working on dance and roll over. She's been good about staying in her crate when we're busy and going potty outside. (She goes potty outside, not us.) You can see the thought process in her expression and she appears to enjoy learning new things. She's an interesting little creature.

Facing My Giants

My biggest fears in life surround my children. Not much different from any other parent out there. I desperately want them to know that I did everything I knew to teach them, love them, and protect them. I believe I was a good mom, but even good moms can't shield their children from every harm. I only want them to know that I would give my right arm to fix all the pain, to right all the wrongs, to be given the chance to do it over again.

I fear I may have not filled their boxes with all the tools necessary to get them through life. I fear that I have shortchanged them in my effort to protect them from the world. I fear substance abuse, death/serious injuries, and atheism. And I fear they will misunderstand me, think me foolish, or in their pain disregard my love for them altogether.

They all struggle, because life is made up of struggles. I am past being able to kiss away the pain or brush away the dirt. I have to let them go, let them do it on their own now, even when everything inside of me wants to spin the clock backward, hold them close, and rock them through the hurt once again. Instead I must entrust them to the one who saw their being while it was yet unformed (Psalm 139:16) and know that although I may never see it to fruition, He has a plan for each and every one of their lives. Sometimes it's just hard to trust.

And the pictures? That silly puppy who dances about The Lumberjack's feet and chews up his firewood. Because we all need something to smile about.

Kids and the Puppy

We had visitors last night, three more grandchildren and their sweet mama. Grandpa set some rules and let the dog out of her crate to play. "Lay down on the floor," he told them, "and put your face down on your arms." The dog went crazy, running circles around them, hopping across their backs, and stuffing her nose into their faces and under their necks. Giggles erupted from the boys which just made the dog run faster.

Jilly was a little overwhelmed and kept her distance, especially after the puppy jumped up and nearly knocked her over, but Jakie decided to become a puppy himself. He grabbed Nassa's stuffed dog with his teeth, like little boys will do, and had a good old fashioned game of Tug O'War with her while his  mother said, "Jake! Get that out of your mouth!" Yeah. Good luck with that. The game was just too fun to give up. Ha ha!

It was a nice evening. We ate ham, broccoli, and cheese soup, which the boys declared "delicious," munched on soft, crusty bread, and doled out lavish amounts of love and affection. When it was all said and done the little dog was more than ready for a nap.

Thursday

I usually stay home on Thursday mornings, but I typically go out on Thursday nights. Out to Community Bible Study. Today I stayed home and sorted through old papers I had dragged out of my dresser drawer. I threw out about a million old church bulletins that years ago had been stuffed into my Bible and once removed, popped into a drawer. In old notebooks, I found lists, stories, notes, and prayers. How about a story? Or at least a partial one...

Average longed to be special, but she was just an average girl.

She had been an average baby and had an average childhood.

She had average brown hair and brown eyes. 

She was average height and made average grades in school

Her average family lived on an average street in an average neighborhood. 

Her house, though very nice, was still average... 

My inspiration? A five year old girl named Emma (story here) who kept me entertained with her ability to entertain herself with imaginary friends. I loved listening to her play. Now, when my nursing home friend has "one of her days," I listen to her and find myself almost as entertained as I was with Emma.

She was wound up the other day and talked almost nonstop...

"You are the smuggest thing I've ever seen," she told me, although she can't see me at all.

During her nap she was anxious about getting home to her mother. "You can stay here," I told her, and she replied, "Oh, thank you. I promise not to be a bourbon..." and then she realized she'd said the wrong word and we both laughed.

She is constantly asking for help with things that I am not able to help her with. It's not an unwillingness on my part, but liability on the part of my company. The job is hands off but she has a million and one reasons why I should "help" her. And "help" usually means either take her to the bathroom or get her into bed. On Monday it meant get her out of bed and so we had these  mini conversations.

"I love you and I love all your friends. Most of them. Will you help me?"

"Can you please help me just a little bit?"

"I love you. I want you to be my friend. Will you help me? It's not a big deal."

"I love you and I love everyone that's been nice to me. And not anybody foolish."

If I don't remember to entertained, I will end up extremely frustrated, but I also must try not to smile when I answer because, although she may not be able to see me, she can hear it in my voice. And let me tell you, she is not entertained if she thinks I'm laughing at her.

* Puppy photos because I am not allowed to take pictures at the nursing home. Her name is Nassa (nah-sah).

What is This?

I told him I wouldn't be mad if he got a puppy. So he did. I came home from work and there she was.

She is a Boston terrier/border collie mix and pretty adorable. She doesn't have a name yet.